I GET MAIL.

By Peter M. De Lorenzo

Detroit. After seventeen-and-one-half years of creating this publication, we have developed a large following of readers. They – meaning you - run the gamut from auto industry True Believers and executive insiders at the highest levels of the various auto companies and their suppliers, ad agencies and PR agencies to committed auto enthusiasts looking for the kind of insider perspective they can’t get anywhere else. We also get the usual assortment of haters, drunken emailers and other bizarre communiqués from the Trolliverse, but that’s to be expected and it comes with the territory.

But due to the impact, influence and notoriety of Autoextremist.com, some of the most interesting emails (and calls) come from auto company executives from around the world who deign to communicate with me for whatever the reason. Most seek my advice and to gain my perspective on a wide range of subjects, from product and design, to PR and marketing. Even some of the execs that you would assume would be openly hostile toward me approach me through third parties for advice and counsel. Some of these lengthy email exchanges take place between 3:30 and 5:30 in the morning, which now seems to be the standard start time for The Autoextremist these days.

In my role as industry “Consigliere” and because of the extraordinary access that comes with it, I am privy to the inner workings of many a company, and many an executive mindset is revealed to me, with all of the Sturm und Drang that entails.

This just in: As I’ve said many times, it’s not easy running a modern automobile company, and the Lords of Silicon Valley are just discovering this fact. The challenges are daunting and the pressure is relentless. Multiple decisions have to be made on a daily basis that can affect a company’s well being for years to come. Needless to say, it’s not for the faint of heart.

Although I would never compromise the confidential nature of my “conversations,” I thought it might be interesting for our readers to get a feel for the flavor of some of these discussions, in this case in a sampling of emails (anonymous, of course). And just so you can be prepared, not all of these discussions are cordial, needless to say.

Subject: WTF?

I don’t get it. You tell everyone that we have a window of opportunity with our foray into the luxury market, then you shit all over our marketing campaign. Our stuff is good and you know it.

PMD: Yes, I was rather optimistically enthusiastic at the prospects for your brand because the cars, by all appearances, look to be worthy of the praise. And that is more than half the battle. Actually, who’s kidding whom here? The product is and always will be king, so make that 99.9 percent of the battle. But no product no matter how good it is, can survive ham-fisted marketing. Your “stuff” is presented well visually, but the tone of the advertising is sophomoric, and the words are ungainly and inelegant. I think a major rethink is in order, and I’d do it now before mediocrity well and truly sinks in.

Subject: Thank You.

I see you finally came to your senses (ha-ha) about our brand. And I see that some of your readers suggested you were late to the party and slammed you for it. And many of the troops around here cheered them on. But confidentially, you were dead-on accurate about our image. It needed sharpening and your criticism was much deserved. At any rate, thanks for the perspective, as always, and I’m glad you think we’re finally flying right.

PMD: I have great respect for the marketing job you have done, and as I recently stated in our advertising update, you deservedly garnered high marks. One of the toughest tasks for an auto company when it comes to marketing is to understand who you are, but it’s even more important to understand who you aren’t. The goodness – and image - of your products are perfectly reflected in the advertising and it’s simply some of the best work in the business. One of the things I am always writing and speaking about is having focused consistency in advertising and marketing. It’s something that’s not only very tough to achieve, but it’s hard to hang on to once you get there. It looks like you have a handle on things and aren’t about to relinquish your grip anytime soon, which is a very good thing.

Subject: Dear Asshole.

I really think your worth to this industry is overstated. In fact, I am willing to bet that no one gives a shit as to what you think anymore. Our campaign, the one that you love to rip on, has tested through the roof and our sales are up. Apparently you’re the only person on earth who doesn’t get it. How does it feel to be irrelevant?

PMD: Ah yes, another wounded marketing type fighting for his brand. As I’ve stated repeatedly, I call ‘em like I see ‘em. And your current work is not only poorly conceived and pathetically executed; it’s totally beneath the iconic American automotive brand you’ve been given the task to represent. Why is that, exactly? Maybe it’s you and your so-called marketing “posse” that don’t get it. For the thousandth time, what is the brand you’re charged to represent? Why does it matter today, right now? And as a consumer, why should I care? Until you can answer those questions with a compelling marketing strategy and advertising that reflects that strategy in a memorable way, you will continue to spin your wheels and miss a golden opportunity to project the proper image for your brand. As for my standing in the automotive world, I am happy to report that I’m reminded of my influence and relevance every day.

Subject: Mr. Autoextremist

I have tried and tried to get my engineering team to understand what we’re lacking when it comes to delivering cars that really resonate. We just spent five years developing a new sports car but as you predicted a couple of years ago, it has done nothing for the rest of our lineup. In other words, there’s no “halo” effect going on here. When I ask the engineering team to dig deep down and find the “soul” of our cars, they come back with another technical package of gizmos, which is about as far away from the point as we can get. Right now we’re nowhere and I am getting worried, because if we can’t break through this stagnant state, I’m afraid the entire brand is in serious jeopardy. Your thoughts would be much appreciated… with much respect.

PMD: Thank you. I, along with countless other enthusiast consumers, have been waiting for a new lineup of cars that truly reflects the heart and soul of your company for years. And despite endless promises, it never happens. And why is that? Your early cars resonated because they truly represented the best automotive thinking from your company. Entertaining driver’s machines, they positively brimmed with creativity and were fun to drive. But in subsequent years you have gotten so far away from those qualities that it’s pathetic.

In other words, it got weird.

Setting aside the new sports car for now, I can’t think of a single car you make that I would want. Not one. Your brand doesn’t stand for anything because you’ve been wandering around lost in the desert for so long that no one cares. In short, there’s no compelling reason to buy one of your products – except for the obligatory crossovers – because you can get the same thing (and mostly better, I might add) from other manufacturers. And despite your best efforts, the new design language leaves much to be desired. That it’s better than the previous rolling visual atrocities doesn’t mean it’s good. You need a radical departure of thought deep within the company, at least, that is, if you want to remain in the car business. Now, if you just want to have a few crossovers and a sports car, that’s another story; but I’m pretty sure that’s not what you want.

Go where no one else is going. Break away from the expected and create machines that you would love to drive – and own. Going through the motions in this business is a kind of hell that nobody wants, but many acquiesce to it simply to get by. Stop it. And show us what you’re made of.

Subject: Hey.

You hate our stuff but as a brand we’re kicking ass, so maybe you’re too buried in the past to see a good thing when it’s happening before your eyes. We’ll keep setting records and you’ll still do not get it, apparently. Too bad.

PMD: A Consumer Reports hot flash and sales in China do not constitute “kicking ass” to me. As to the former, sometimes you get lucky, as to the latter, with a modicum of effort and acceptable designs a car company could phone it in and still set records in China. The High-Octane Truth is that your products are resolutely mediocre and your marketing is embarrassing if not downright offensive, but then again I’m pretty sure no one down there would know the difference, so why beat a dead horse? When so few grasp what constitutes “good” marketing and advertising in the car business these days, why should I expect much from convicted hacks masquerading as “marketers?” Too bad? No. Too sad.

Subject: Autoextremist.

I know you have a field day suggesting we do nothing but chase every available niche existing in the market – “real and imagined” as you like to say – but look at our numbers and our profitability. We know what we’re doing - and you don’t. We started with a little four-banger sedan and now look at us.

PMD: Do we have to? Yes, you started with a little jewel and turned it into the Evil Automotive Empire that attacks every possible segment – yes, both real and imagined – that you could get your hands on. The result? You’re left with a product lineup with only a very few remaining examples of what your car company once stood for. In other words, no one remembers – or cares – what you’re supposed to be about. You’re just present and accounted for in the market, the ubiquitous brand that’s just, well… ubiquitous. To make matters worse, your insane hunger for posting “record” sales has caused you to throw piles of deal money on the hoods of your cars and crossovers, just to say you hit a target number. Kind of pathetic, don’t you think? What once was a noble car company is a mere shadow of its former self. And guess what? Pretty soon there will be no there, there.

I could go on, but I won’t. Suffice to say the volume of email hasn’t abated one bit over the years. It’s still mostly good, with a few recalcitrant twerps and spineless weasels thrown in for good measure, but hey, publishing Autoextremist every week isn’t for the faint of heart either.

And that’s the High-Octane Truth for this week.

No free hunting trips to Wales. No bought-and-paid-for content "acceptable" to the auto manufacturers. No PR puff pieces lauding a convicted hack and his mediocre automotive career. No wishy-washy reviews. Just the bare-knuckled, unvarnished, high-octane truth about anything and everything to do with the car business. From the cars themselves, to the companies and the people who design, build and market them, Autoextremist.com is everything you wanted to read about the business of cars. We say the things that the others don't have the balls to say, and we do it with a relentless ferocity and an uncanny accuracy that still resonate throughout the industry.