Auto companies and the Super Bowl? It’s a dance that’s fraught with peril.

By Peter M. De Lorenzo

(Posted 1/31, 11:30 a.m.) Detroit. Well, that wonderful time of year has arrived in AdLand, where normally rational individuals involved in the creative process at select advertising agencies across the country are going absolutely crazy while in pursuit of the ultimate ad guy/ad girl dream - creating The One Great TV Commercial that will seal their fate as certified ad geniuses for the rest of their careers.

Very few reach that lofty goal, by the way, because the High-Octane Truth be told there’s a lot of “B” grade work on the big broadcast. And once the initial euphoria of the Big Game subsides the fact of the matter is that there’s a lot of merely average to not very good work that ends up being aired when it comes right down to it.

But besides being the NFL Championship game, there’s no question that this event is clearly the Super Bowl of advertising, too, and that means anything can happen when in pursuit of glory. What seemed like a good idea at the time can fall to pieces in production, or it can come together nicely. It all depends on whether the variables involved – the basic creative idea, the production company, the director, the casting, the locations, the performances, the digital effects, etc., etc., etc. – can be turned into a seamlessly executed and fabulous piece of work. Or not.

There are so many variables in the mix, even in this digitally correctible world we live in today, it’s no wonder that what seemed like a “can’t miss” idea way back when can be executed to a merely average level. And being merely average on the Super Bowl is not a value-added activity to say the least.

Add the auto companies to the mix and all of the things I’ve just mentioned can be exacerbated and ratcheted up even further.

Why? Because for the most part auto companies have no business being on the Super Bowl. There, I said it, but it’s true. Yes, there are a very few exceptions, but I’ll get to that a little bit later.

(And let me just emphasize at this point that as a longtime advertising industry veteran I can safely say that there are very few endeavors more ego-driven than the ad biz. There’s Hollywood and the music biz, of course, but after that the ad biz takes the cake. And most decisions on what will be produced and aired on the Super Bowl have everything to do with ego first, and rational thought second, just to be clear.)

What seems like a target-rich environment for most auto companies instead can become a minefield fraught with peril. And why is that, exactly? It’s for the same reasons that some (not all) auto executives can become derailed and lost in their own delusional thinking, which means that they repeatedly make the fundamental mistake of believing that what matters to them and what they obsess about and revolve their worlds around on a day-to-day basis matters to the outside world, when it clearly doesn’t. Not in the least, in fact.

We just got through seeing myriad examples of that at last month’s Detroit Auto Show, when we witnessed a parade of executives clearly immersed in their own delusions getting up before the media and boring them to death. Not that it’s totally ridiculous to think that these executives would actually do that, of course. After all, if you were immersed in your own little world 24/7, it would be extremely difficult not to get up and exclaim, “What I do and what we think about is important, dammit!” Especially when the assembled media is supposedly there to hang on your every word.

But take that same attitude to the Super Bowl? Uh, not so much. Let’s just say that things can go haywire, and fast.

First of all, the automotive executive mindset is ill equipped for what the Super Bowl demands. How so? Let’s review. What kind of spots resonate - and I mean really resonate - on the big broadcast? Well, humorous ones, for one thing. And when you have executives hell-bent on jamming their corporate missions down the nation’s throat, or trying to explain the nuances of their new Belchfire 16Z with Advanced Gizmo Array Detection, it leaves the viewers cold, if they haven’t already mentally turned the spot off in the first three seconds.

Last year, VW scored off the charts with the spot that had the little kid roaming around the house trying to summon The Force while in his Darth Vader costume. Only to have his father remote start his VW in the driveway as the kid stood in front of it, completely flabbergasting the kid and making the audience laugh and say awww. It was funny, it made you feel good about VW and people remembered it and talked about it. Bingo. Great spot.

Now if a typical auto executive were left to his or her own devices, that spot would have been a dissertation on some feature list and it would have left the audience comatose. Thank goodness that wasn’t the case.

This year, for instance, we have several automakers taking different paths. Honda is going all out with the actor Matthew Broderick reprising his role as a modern day Ferris Beuller, and it works nicely. And they even have Jerry Seinfeld (with a cameo by Jay Leno) jousting to be first in line for the 2015 Acura NSX. That works well too. Honda/Acura is basically nowhere right now in the market, a moribund, mere shadow of its former self with a sullied image to boot. They could have gone the “look at us” route, and jammed a “we’re relevant and important” positioning down the viewers’ throats. Instead, they wisely chose to make a splash wrapped around humorous entertainment rather than boring us all to death while insisting that they were back, or some such nonsense.

Audi, now a perennial Super Bowl advertiser, makes a rare misstep this year with a completely ridiculous and inane spot based around vampires and the automakers new LED headlights. The spot doesn’t hold a candle to the spot the automaker released a few weeks ago called “Ahab” featuring a tow truck driver in snowy climes talking about the elusive one he can never catch, an Audi Quattro. An obvious homage to “Moby Dick” it works wonderfully well. It’s engaging to watch and it makes its point subtly while actually requiring a modicum of intelligence from the viewer, which is refreshing in its own right given the “I’m an idiot, watch me” YouTube-driven culture we’ve devolved to.

Chevrolet has a brace of spots to display as well, my favorite (so far) being the “Graduate” who thinks he is being gifted a Camaro by his parents. Submitted from an independent filmmaker, it’s absolutely hilarious.

And yet on the other hand, GM, hell-bent on attaching Serious Credibility to its new Cadillac ATS is choosing to educate the Super Bowl audience on the famous Nurburgring Nordschleife race track (dubbed “the green hell” by Jackie Stewart) and how it played a role in the development of Cadillac’s new BMW 3 Series fighter. As an enthusiast I love this spot, of course, but would I run it on the Super Bowl? No way. The audience on that day will mentally turn that spot off and it will be instantly forgettable, and a giant waste of money as well.

There will be spots from Toyota, Hyundai/Kia and others but we’ll just have to wait and see if they resonate during the game or in the Monday morning aftermath review.

And I’m sure some of you will want to point out Chrysler’s “Eminem” spot from last year, one that didn’t rely on humor to make its point. It was well done, as I’ve said repeatedly, but the net-net of it other than making some of us feel good around here for oh, like about a minute, was what exactly? Another feather in Olivier “I’m a genius, just ask me” Francois’s already overly laden cap? Yes, of course, because after all, that what he’s all about, right? But when the automaker recycled the spot in various guises throughout the year any of the original impact became lost in a mind-numbingly repetitive cadence that became tedious and excruciatingly painful to watch. I have never seen a more classic example of “going to the well one too many times” in my life. “The Genius” managed to accomplish the impossible: turn a singular great spot into a spot that made you change the channel. Nicely done. Not.

(I actually had Sergio’s PR guy tell me once that it took a bunch of Italians to define the Motor City for us poor denizens of Detroit. Oh really? My “Umitigated Bullshit” detector pegged on that one. And that said more than one could even imagine about the arrogance and attitude that’s pouring out of Auburn Hills these days. And here I thought the German execs from Mercedes-Benz during their time at Chrysler were the kings of arrogance. I will tell you this in absolute certainty: they don’t hold a candle to these carpetbagging interlopers. But I digress.)

The bottom line in this discussion? Auto executives traditionally take themselves far too seriously, and when they bring that attitude to the Super Bowl of advertising things don’t always go well.

If they stick to humor to tell their story on the big broadcast, or focus on making a good showing for their brand, then they have a fighting chance of at least leaving the viewer with a positive impression. If they can do that then I’d cautiously – and I mean cautiously - recommend that they play in the biggest media arena in this country, but then again only if the creative idea merits it.

But if they let their collective egos run rampant, and insist on burying the viewer in their usual media cocktail of details and minutiae that only they care about, well then, they need to stay far, far away. Which is why, for the most part, I recommend that automakers just skip the whole thing altogether.

We’ll see who gets it right – and horribly wrong - on Sunday.

And that’s the High-Octane Truth for this week.

THE ALL-NEW AE STORE IS HERE!

CLICK ON THE PIC BELOW TO CHECK IT OUT!

See another live episode of "Autoline After Hours" with hosts John McElroy, from Autoline Detroit, and Peter De Lorenzo, The Autoextremist, and guests this Thursday evening, at 7:00PM EDT at www.autolinedetroit.tv.

By the way, if you'd like to subscribe to the Autoline After Hours podcasts, click on the following links:

Subscribe via iTunes:

http://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewPodcast?id=311421319

Subscribe via RSS:

http://www.autolinedetroit.tv/podcasts/feeds/afterhours-audio.xml

If you would like to read previous Autoextremist issues, click on "Next Entry" below.

In The Land of Self-Important Pontification, a perfect place for an auto show.

By Peter M. De Lorenzo

(Posted 1/24, 1:00 p.m.) Detroit. This week marks the opening of the Washington D.C. Auto Show, and given the overall regulatory climate we live in today you would think Washington would be the very last place to hold an event that celebrates the automobile. After all this is the Nerd Nirvana where empty suits and public policy wonks go to thrive, a seething cauldron of incompetence, self-importance and more self-indulgent bullshit per square mile than any other place on earth.

Yet they have an auto show, and because the auto industry is now the personal whipping boy for a whole host of politicos, bureaucrats and regulators who are just itching to have an agenda that’s seemingly bulletproof from consumer outrage – at least for now – the automakers must pay attention.

A point of clarification is needed, however, because there are actually two Washington D.C. Auto Shows. There’s the one for all of the citizens in the Washington area who are actually interested in seeing the latest transportation offerings from the automotive world and who relish the opportunity to see the gee-whiz show cars of the moment.

And then there’s the one made for all of the politician stumblebums in our nation’s capital, so that they can justify their existence by playing the “moral imperative” card when it comes to creating legislation that would decimate our domestic automobile industry if left unchecked, reducing one of the pillars of this nation’s manufacturing base into a mere shadow of its former self. While couching all of it in the de rigueur argument of “more jobs” and with the goal of creating a blissful society of rainbows and bunny rabbits, because ta-dah, the evil horseless carriage will have finally been put to rest.

Yes, they aim to have us live in a picture-perfect land of forced electrification, where even our “other” cars and trucks would get 70+ mpg while emitting only a faint whiff of espresso, complete with all the visceral appeal of a three-day-old scone, and costing so damn much that no one in their right mind will want to pay for them.

Oh, but wouldn’t our valley be green and great?

No, not really, but then again that’s beside the point. Anyone still operating under the assumption that the politicos in Washington actually have the country’s best interests in mind, well, to say you have another thing coming would be the understatement of the year.

Legislating the very life out of the vehicles we drive in the name of creating a shiny happy green valley free of pollution and guilt while careening around Washington in Big Dog Suburbans and Escalades says it all. Let the “little people” – that would be us citizens in Inconsequential, USA – and the manufacturers deal with mileage mandates at the retail level. After all, they’ll give us enough incentives to (sort of) make it work out financially, and if not, well, too frickin’ bad.

Except that the American consumer has already spoken, and loud and clearly I might add. There is a plethora of huggable, high-mileage vehicles to buy out there in ConsumerVille right now and people are for the most part avoiding them in droves. Why? Because the technology costs too much and in order for most people to consider these vehicles, the government has had to put massive incentives on them. And even that hasn’t worked.

Is this any way to run a business? No. Is it any way to govern “for the people?” Oh, hell no, but then again we’re missing the point entirely. The point is that there is a cabal of politicians in Washington and Northern California, who know what’s best for this country when it comes to legislating the automobile, and whether we like it or not they’re going to jam high mileage standards and electrified vehicles down our throats until they ruin an entire industry and relegate the country to Tier 2 transportation status overnight.

Is that rational thinking? Well, no, but you’re expecting way too much and again the point is completely missing in action. This is about political agendas and egos and the ability to force their view of the world down our collective throats just because they can. And nothing more.

For a little added perspective and to put a finer, depressing point on the matter, we just witnessed a pathetic spectacle here in the Motor City a little more than a week ago when the EPA and NHTSA held a public hearing on the upcoming new fuel mileage regulations. This was, of course, a complete joke because the participating legislative minds had been made up long ago and the agendas had been etched in stone and sealed. All that was left was the grandstanding and the requisite pontificating, thus, the “hearing.”

And all the usual suspects showed up, of course, from the self-important politicians and the “we’ll show you” regulators, to the requisite whiners and doomsday advocates pleading for immediate crucifixion of the automobile through mileage strangulation. And then there was the UAW’s own Bob “King of Delusion” King, who made a complete fool of himself by suggesting that the stringent fuel mileage regulations would ultimately create thousands of jobs for his mired-on-life-support union, when every single reasoned assessment of what would really happen pointed to the contrary. (Then again no one has ever accused King of having complete control of his faculties at all times, so most observers seemed resigned to do what they always do after he speaks: shrug their shoulders and then completely ignore him.)

Do we need our vehicles to get better fuel economy and should we reduce our dependence on oil from cutthroat nations who hate our guts? Absolutely. But the way our esteemed politicians go about it would be laughable if it weren’t so egregiously malicious.

To actually engage on a quest to have our cars and trucks get the kind of blue sky mileage requiring that thousands of dollars be added to the cost of a vehicle is the regulatory environment we’re saddled with.

And it stinks.

Alas, here we are, with the so-called “Washington Auto Show” making the news this week. To the real people who really want to see the show and check the pulse of the auto industry at this point in time, enjoy it and have fun, because there are a lot of really great things to see and you deserve to have a real live auto show just like the rest of us.

To the rest of you out there who just can’t pry your eyes and ears away from a given news daypart, set your bullshit detectors to the “11” (for unmitigated) setting and understand that 98 percent of the rhetoric emanating from the Washington Auto Show this week is nothing more than serial pontificating at its sublimely ridiculous.

And remember one more thing while you’re at it: It’s not about you, or what you need, or what’s rational for your current financial situation in terms of acquiring transportation that works for you.

No, it’s about them. It’s about maliciously entrenched political agendas and it’s about what these political operatives deem to be acceptable and “right” for the rest of us – in their twisted, self-important minds anyway – when it comes to solving this nation’s transportation puzzle.

Even though it doesn’t make one damn lick of sense whatsoever.

And that’s the High-Octane Truth for this week.

THE ALL-NEW AE STORE IS HERE!

CLICK ON THE PIC BELOW TO CHECK IT OUT!

See another live episode of "Autoline After Hours" with hosts John McElroy, from Autoline Detroit, and Peter De Lorenzo, The Autoextremist, and guests this Thursday evening, at 7:00PM EDT at www.autolinedetroit.tv.

By the way, if you'd like to subscribe to the Autoline After Hours podcasts, click on the following links:

Subscribe via iTunes:

http://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewPodcast?id=311421319

Subscribe via RSS:

http://www.autolinedetroit.tv/podcasts/feeds/afterhours-audio.xml

If you would like to read previous Autoextremist issues, click on "Next Entry" below.

Detroit Auto Show Aftermath: The Good, the Bad, the Ugly and the Inconsequential Tail Chasing.

By Peter M. De Lorenzo

(Posted 1/16, 1:00 p.m.) Detroit. After the endless product reveals, the ritual genuflections from the media, and with the obligatory ring-kissing at the charity preview (aka “Auto Prom”) now completed, it’s always good to take a look back at the Detroit Auto Show, just to make sure our eyes didn’t deceive, the Fog of War didn’t intrude, and because industry players seem to thrive on post mortems, (but only if they agree with them, of course).

Overall it was a good show, but then again you knew that. The industry has moved on from the dirge-like “Let’s show ‘em we’re still alive” to the “We’re back in the game and feisty” mode, which, trust me on this one, was far more palatable and enjoyable than the dark days of the last couple of years.

But what really happened?

Well, Ford kept rolling, GM surprisingly didn’t impress all that much, Chrysler over-promised on the decidedly average Dart (true to Sergio’s “M.O.”), the German automakers for the most part behaved like German automakers and the Asian manufacturers were all over the map.

Let’s start with Ford. A colleague of mine emailed me and asked, “Is the Fusion really that good?” which was refreshing, because at least he asked. This was compared to the critical universe out there in Keyboard Land who felt compelled to weigh-in on all things Detroit Auto Show without even being there. But hey, that’s standard operating procedure these days and to pretend otherwise is pure folly.

Ford tried to improve the situation by flying in a bunch of bloggers to write about the Fusion – and they were quite pleased with themselves for doing that, I might add, even though it mattered not one iota – but they didn’t really need to because in retrospect the Fusion is every bit as good and significant, if not more so, than it was upon its unveiling.

It’s rare when a car arrives in a segment that not only redefines it but also completely changes the dynamic altogether, but the Fusion does exactly that. As I said last week, “suddenly the Malibu doesn’t reach far enough, the Sonata seems stale and the Camry looks easily ten years old.” And that’s saying a mouthful because those are seriously tough competitors, each and every one. But the Fusion truly transcends the segment, and those worthy competitors have been instantly relegated to second-tier status overnight.

I’ve heard from the hand-wringers and their insistence that the new Fusion will price itself out of the segment and that the competition will eat Ford’s lunch based on that, but I don’t see that happening at all. What I do see is people wanting the best in the segment and flocking to the Fusion in droves, while paying a premium to boot. If this business is based on image being everything (and more on that later), then the new Fusion will be red hot the moment it hits the showrooms next fall.

And what about that new Lincoln? Wow, did the Internet Hordes That Were Not There carve up the new MKZ Concept, insisting it wasn’t all that great, it was derivative, the Fusion looked better, blah, frickin’ blah. And they would be wrong, because for a statement of future intent this new Lincoln is brilliant. And I don’t use that relentlessly overused word lightly.

It seemed lost on a surprising number of people that the MKZ Concept is a level set for the brand and that from this day forward everything about Lincoln, from its products and its dealers to its brand presentation and image will be fundamentally altered. But forgetting that, the design presence of the new MKZ is unmistakable. And even though the tilted turntable reveal was incapable of doing the car justice, I predict it will look sensational on the street, which is, at the end of the day, what this business is all about.

Is the transformation of Lincoln going to happen because of this one car? Don’t be silly, of course not, and for that matter it’s the next products that will make or break the brand. Is all of this going to happen overnight? No. It will take a decade at least to get the Lincoln brand back on track and in the game. Let me repeat that, a decade. Does Ford’s current and future management have the stones to stay the course and see this through? That’s the $5 billion with a “B” question.

As for GM, I questioned the thinking behind the “I Want” presentation of its two youth concepts for Chevrolet and the execution of the presentation was even worse, and it grinds me even more now that I’ve read some of the subsequent articles about how this industry is in a desperate race to capture the disaffected youth’s attention going forward. But more on that later.

For me the more serious, in-market issue is the Cadillac ATS. Everything about the car screams that the True Believers in Product Development did their homework and then some. It’s clear that Mark Reuss was bound and determined to make a statement with this car and he marshaled his troops appropriately, and the attention to detail in getting the weight down is something to behold, especially when GM has struggled mightily in this area in the past. But surprisingly enough, even though the exterior and interior packaging is right and the dynamics of the ATS should be ultra-competitive, it’s the design that doesn’t work for me and I’m shocked by that. It’s clear that the “art and science” design language pioneered in the CTS doesn’t quite translate to the ATS. The car is inelegant in the front bordering on cumbersome and that’s depressing to contemplate. And if the ATS struggles because of it, I will not be surprised. As for the XTS, interestingly enough though the skeptics are teeing-off on it, don’t be surprised if it’s a real hit for Cadillac. It’s the right size for a lot of people – aka the people with the money to pay for what they want – who still like bigger, more comfortable cars and it looks more handsome in the flesh too. The ATS may be the news that everyone at Cadillac wants U.S. consumers to pay attention to, but it’s the XTS that will make the real news for the division at the retail level.

I haven’t changed my opinion on the Dodge Dart one bit. Not only is it not the greatest thing since sliced bread in the segment, it’s far from the “automatic” hit that Chrysler’s brain trust would have you believe. As my colleague Mark Rechtin so eloquently put it in Automotive News: "How do you mess up an Alfa Romeo Giulietta? Let Dodge designers make a Neon out of it.” Truer words were never spoken, by the way, much to the Chrysler fan boys’ chagrin. And as I stated last week, the Dart is merely average and allows Chrysler to be represented in the segment. And nothing more.

Of the German automakers, Audi didn’t screw up, which means they automatically win the German car derby, because they were already ahead to begin with. BMW showed its new 3 series and as I’ve said, until proven otherwise and until someone knocks it off of its perch, the car will continue to define the sports sedan segment. And Porsche was off on its own in an unapologetic world they are quite comfortable occupying by themselves, one quite apart from their German rivals. Life is good for Porsche.

As for Mercedes-Benz? It continued to flounder because this company doesn’t appear to understand who they are and what they stand for anymore. Are they the maker of great cars and the AMG high-performance machines that honor the legacy of the marque? If so, they should focus on that and keep their mouths shut. (The new SL was decidedly average, and thus a disappointment.) Or are they the Tone Deaf Meisters and marketing stumblebums who continue to embarrass themselves at every turn with their dismal Smart car adventure and their relentlessly tedious and humiliating media events? Mercedes touts its sales success in this market but it has transformed itself into a soulless enterprise with questionable marketing instincts and piss-poor leadership. The brand deserves better.

Speaking of soulless enterprises, VW was off in its own world too but it’s not necessarily a joyful one. The E-Bugster, forgetting the whole electric charade (and its tediously freakish intro), is a worthy take on the Beetle cabriolet but other than that the VW presence in Detroit was lackluster and desultory. VW’s display looked for all the world like a German used car lot, because the Passats and Jettas blend together so well in a cynical cadence that it sucked the very life right out of the proceedings. VW may be doing well in this market but their presence in Detroit left a lot to be desired.

The post-mortem on Honda and Acura isn’t good despite the much-praised NSX. Far from the Beacon of Enlightenment that Honda insists it is, the new Accord Coupe concept was a crushing disappointment, a mediocre exercise in evolution when the brand cried out for a new beginning, one that would go a long way toward re-establishing its mojo. The NSX is gorgeous and all and it represents where Honda insists it will be three years from now, but it’s what Honda stands for right now that’s most disheartening. This is a company flailing about with no clue in sight, fumbling though evolution after evolution when they should be reinventing the proverbial wheel. Where is the creativity? Where is the whole “marching to a different drummer” persona that propelled the brand to greatness in its heyday? It was nowhere to be seen in Detroit and the relentless tedium that Acura offered up (The ILX? Really?) was just the bitter icing on a grim Honda cake. The NSX is three long years away and it’s obviously not a volume play. Honda better step to the fore and soon with some mainstream vehicles worth talking about or they will find themselves teetering on becoming an afterthought.

The gorgeous Lexus LF-LC was a showstopper that I loved, but it was the Toyota NS4 that was clearly the most significant car for Toyota by far. The NS4 proves to me that Toyota has a firm grip (finally) on the importance of design, and that they’re not going to be represented by the stunningly mundane suit of clothes that defines the current Camry for long. The NS4, more than any other entry at the show, should strike fear into the hearts of Toyota’s competitors, because if this company gets the design equation figured out, watch out.

(Toyota)

That was it for the most part from the show, but I can’t file this column without talking about the Big Thing at Cobo Hall, and that was the hyper hand-wringing among the manufacturers about the millenials, and how it was the industry’s task to reach the 80 million or so strong who qualify as such, or else. And nowhere is that hand-wringing more in evidence than at GM and Chevrolet.

Chevrolet’s presentation of their two concepts (the Code 130R and the Tru 140S), as I mentioned last week, was so relentlessly tedious that it threatened to quash the upbeat mood of the show in one 20-minute burst of sheer drudgery. It doesn’t matter to me that the designs were decidedly average (and yes, in this case derivative in the truest sense) and weren’t worthy of the minor hype storm that ensued for them, what mattered to me was the thinking behind them, because GM is venturing into dangerous territory that threatened to send this industry down a primrose path to self destruction.

I get the fact that the millennials (aka the Nanosecond Attention Span Generation) couldn’t care less about their driver’s licenses or any vestige of the high-performance era, that their communication devices are their lives and that over-sharing defines their very existence, but that doesn’t mean these manufacturers should turn the asylum over to the inmates and allow this generation to start dictating how they design their cars.

But that’s exactly what GM is setting out to do, at least according to that grim presentation they unleashed on the media last week.

John McFarland, the senior manager of Chevrolet marketing, told the Detroit News that, "We don't really think that any brands today are doing it right. We don't think anyone quite 'gets' this group."

Maybe so. But no one back in the day understood the transformational swingin’ 60s decade or its revolutionary generation either, yet this industry didn’t throw their hands up and decide to let consumers design cars. What GM is embarking on is a fool’s errand of the first order, a death march of inconsequential tail chasing that will, as sure as I’m writing this, result in a one-way ticket to irrelevance. (And I can’t believe that Joel Ewanick is letting this charade surface for public consumption.)

I get what allegedly makes the millenials tick – such as it is – but at the end of the day this business will not be defined by them. Why? Because there is no amount of experiential social media marketing forays or collective group hugs that will sell a vehicle that is flat-out unpleasant to look at or poorly executed. In other words, manufacturers can reach out to the millenials at every opportunity in the various social media platforms that exist and put all of the connectivity they can muster into their vehicles to entice them, but this generation will not be interrupted from their over-sharing by a clown car, even if it plugs into their lifestyles absolutely perfectly.

This business has always been about the product, it still is about the product, and it will always be about the product. But, that said, this is a fashion business as well, and as a manufacturer you will be defined by your image at every checkpoint. That’s why product design will remain the single most important factor going forward, the Ultimate Initial Product Differentiator, if you will.

And that’s why these auto companies, instead of worrying about what makes the millenials tick, should be worried that their designs don’t come off as being evolutionary or worse, boring. Because once these manufacturers go down that road, it’s exceedingly difficult to find their way back.

Just ask Honda.

And that’s the High-Octane Truth for this week.

See another live episode of "Autoline After Hours" with hosts John McElroy, from Autoline Detroit, and Peter De Lorenzo, The Autoextremist, and guests this Thursday evening, at 7:00PM EDT at www.autolinedetroit.tv.

By the way, if you'd like to subscribe to the Autoline After Hours podcasts, click on the following links:

Subscribe via iTunes:

http://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewPodcast?id=311421319

Subscribe via RSS:

http://www.autolinedetroit.tv/podcasts/feeds/afterhours-audio.xml

If you would like to read previous Autoextremist issues, click on "Next Entry" below.

Scintillating debuts, excruciating moments, media homers and a eYawnster thrown in for good measure. The Autoextremist take on the 2012 Detroit Auto Show.

By Peter M. De Lorenzo

(Posted 1/10, 6:30 p.m.) Detroit. Wait a minute? Where were we again? Where was the snow? The mind-numbing cold? Or the particularly delicious eyeball-rattling salt storms? And WTF? Sunny skies? This was the 2012 Detroit Auto Show in the heart of the gutty, gritty Motor City? In January? Really? It felt more like the Palm Beach International Auto Show.

And while most of the country is enjoying The Winter That Hasn’t Started Yet, Cobo Hall rocked with enough of everything to please everyone in attendance from notable brilliance to yes, that old standby, relentless stupidity. After all this is the Auto Biz, where egos and blind avarice collide on a regular basis, and this is Auto Show Week, where the home runs can be truly grand, and the mistakes can be er, uh, truly horrendous.

But the best part about this show? It felt like an auto show again. Not a Green Convention put on for politicos in Washington and Northern California, and not an Apologist Convention for an industry that felt compelled to justify its existence. No, it was a full-blown auto show, with real cars that harbored real dreams and aspirations.

As it should be.

The week started off on a discordant note when the Detroit Free Press deigned to weigh-in with something they called the Automotive Leadership Awards on Sunday, which proceeded to canonize The Great Sergio all the way to full sainthood in the “executive leadership” category. Far beyond a classic puff piece from some bygone era, this was blatant ass kissing at its finest, a relentlessly tedious paean so embarrassing in its scope that it left outsiders far enough away from Sergio’s aura – those still lucid enough to decipher the linguini from the stromboli, and the smoke and mirrors from the unmitigated bullshit – mumbling incoherently.

Really? Couldn’t the media homers in this town stop their synchronized bootlicking long enough so we could get to the 2012 Detroit Auto Show without slipping and sliding on their collective drool?

Apparently not.

Oh well, on with the show, where the two remaining domestic car companies flexed their muscles, and that Italian car company up the road got back into the compact car game. And the rest? Well, that’s another story altogether.

That was 30 minutes of our lives that we’ll never get back. The North American Car and Truck of the year started the proceedings first thing Monday, with the Hyundai Elantra and the Range Rover Evoque winning their respective categories. We didn’t really care, and we’re not really sure anyone else does either. 

From the “Oh Shit, Now What?” File, the real Detroit Auto Show opened with Ford unveiling its drop-dead gorgeous Fusion, a stunning design and content statement that left every other automaker in the mid-size segment reeling. Suddenly the Malibu doesn’t reach far enough, the Sonata seems stale and the Camry looks easily ten years old. Ford matched the significance of the Fusion with a brilliantly executed reveal “in the round” in the Joe Louis Arena. (Oh, if only some of the other manufacturers would pay heed and take some notes so we might have been spared from some of the horrific atrocities that we had to sit through just to get a look at a new car. Geez.) The Fusion isn’t just a grand slam home run, folks. No, it is an emphatic reminder to everyone in the business that if they were counting on Ford to pull up lame with a sudden dose of incompetence and loss of focus, they’re sadly mistaken. And I haven’t even gotten to the new Lincoln MKZ Concept yet (more on that later).

Funny, but their “Fog of War” smells a lot like grilled Italian sausage with peppers & onions. After the sublime Ford statement, Fiat-Chrysler weighed in with its new Dodge Dart. With Dodge honcho Reid Bigland preening and posing on stage like it was some sort of body building competition as he plowed through a presentation fueled by bombastic pronouncements, the Dart was billed as a game changer bordering on the greatest thing since sliced bread. But then again that’s the Fiat-owned Chrysler these days. Fully engorged by the gushing praise and slavish devotion bestowed on their espresso-fueled leader by some of the lesser lights in the media, Fiat-Chrysler operatives now believe they can do no wrong (let’s just forget about that little Fiat 500 unpleasantness, shall we?), that they’re immune to the valleys of this business, and that they’re smarter than everybody else. And it’s starting to get embarrassing. The Dodge Dart intro just oozed with braggadocio and swagger. Big mistake. The Dart is a little more than merely competent with a modicum of good stuff and a whiff of Charger design cues thrown in for good measure. It allows Fiat-Chrysler to be represented in the mid-size segment. And nothing more. The rest? Italian-tinged smoke and mirrors at its finest.

(Fiat-Chrysler)

And I want a car that looks like a Ferrari 458 Italia, goes 0 to 60 mph in 3.6 seconds, gets 50 mpg in the city, emits nothing but a whiff of espresso and folds up in my briefcase when I have to park. From there it was on to GM, where they took great pains to demonstrate to everybody that they were truly in touch with their inner youth and were hell-bent on being a socially submerged, switched on company that creates cars out of clouds that appeal to the thought balloons of the youth of today. You know, the ones who couldn’t care less about driver’s licenses and who find the idea of actually owning a car analogous to some sort of act of heresy to the Social Networking Nation. And while desperately trying to get in touch with the over-sharing youth of today, GM opened their show with a excruciatingly tedious video montage of a cross section of people saying “I Want.” As in, “I want a car that does everything for me so I can do something else.” Or, “I Want a car that drives itself.” “I want a car that is good for me. And the planet.” It went on for far too long. So long in fact that with the constant harangue of “I want, I want, I want” resonating through the loud speakers I thought, “I want a gun.” We had to sit through that to see something called the Chevrolet Tru 140S (a white front-wheel-drive “affordable exotic” Coupe) and the Chevrolet Code 130R (a red rear-wheel-drive Coupe). These two concepts are GM’s open-source take on developing cars for people who don’t like cars, or something like that. The Tru 140S offered a shape reminiscent of the Cadillac Imaj concept of several years ago, only softened with rounder edges. And the Code 130R was GM’s blatant take on the new BMW 1 Series M (It should be the package size for the next Camaro but it isn’t). Both concepts were okay, but not the brilliant design statements that some would have you believe. They were derivative and largely forgettable, in fact. Which was too bad.

(GM)

(GM)

Why don’t your pack your things and leave quietly? We’ll even refund some of your money if you leave RIGHT NOW. The electric carmaker, Coda, was present and accounted for on the Cobo Hall show floor. But nobody cared, nobody stopped by and nobody noticed. VIA Motors had Bob Lutz hanging at its booth, but nobody really cared about that either.

Excuse me, Mr. Zetsche, would you come with us, please? Mercedes-Benz was the first German car company press conference of the week, which is always a treat. Not. German car executives always get up and bore the throngs to death with their detailed regurgitation of sales statistics and other minutiae, which leaves everyone in the audience looking like the crowd in the Apple “1984” Super Bowl spot, with mouths agape, and dazed and confused. And then they flip a switch and try to be hip and cool and entertaining, and instead it turns into an embarrassing display of irrelevance and tone deafness. Mercedes-Benz took the wraps off of their new SL550 sports car, which was fine, except it was parked in close proximity to a glorious 1952 Mercedes-Benz 300SL racing coupe. Guess which one looked more contemporary, cleaner and flat-out better? Mercedes design has imbued the new SL with so many design tricks, slats, flaps and gimmicks that it looks ponderous and uncomfortable in its own skin. The car actually has become a bit clownish. No, make that a lot clownish. But then it was nothing in comparison to the debut of the Smart For-Us pickup. Oh my. Described as “a pickup for the 21^st century,” the Smart For-Us was the most embarrassing thing at the show. This rolling monument to tedium didn’t signal the revival of Smart - rather, it signaled the end of common sense at Daimler. The For-Us simply exists in a dimension of stupidity I’m not familiar with. It not only makes me wonder about the future of Daimler, it makes me start to question Deiter Zetsche’s sanity.

(Mercedes-Benz)

We came, we saw, we said what we had to say and now we’re finished. That is all. Porsche was simple, direct and to the point in unveiling the cabriolet version of its 2012 911, complete with ultra-slick convertible top. They also said they would be doubling global sales in six years. FYI, Porsche sold 118,867 vehicles in 2011, an increase of 22 percent and a record. Quite refreshing for a German car company press conference actually. That is until we had to sit through VW’s show immediately afterward.

(Porsche)

Nope, nothing funny about it, actually. But how about this? You guys well and truly suck. Now that’s funny. VW’s press conference was so bad it was actually painful. Opening with a decidedly ridiculous video for its new Jetta Hybrid involving a guy rescuing another guy at the side of the road, followed by many blissful driving scenes that were, how shall I say, uh, relentlessly lame. I mean, as in really. Then the event went downhill from there when the OGCCESR (Obligatory German Car Company Executive Statistical Regurgitation) was followed by a group of acrobatic dancers that were there to introduce something called the eBugster.  An alleged electrified Beetle convertible concept that basically telegraphed the look of the next generation Beetle cabriolet, the eBugster was an eYawnster in the first degree. And any focus on the concept was repeatedly interrupted by The Dancers That Just Would Not Go Away. Leaping, sliding, break-dancing, and generally annoying the assembled multitudes to their last nerve, it was an exercise in futility the likes of which I hadn’t seen since, well, since the Mercedes-Smart fiasco an hour before. And then chief designer Walter da Silva came out and immediately put an explanation point on the proceedings by calling the car “funny.” Funny?

(VW)

The Rest of the Story?

Well, let’s see. BMW showed the new 3 series, which is slightly bigger and has a freshly designed exterior. Everyone is hand wringing about whether or not they screwed it up or not. My take? It’s certainly not horrible to look at. And I suspect it’s just fine and will continue to be the standard by which all sport sedans are judged.

GM showed off its Buick Encore, which is a C-segment crossover dubbed the “Baby Enclave.” It’s okay. Competent, nicely rendered and well, just okay. The big news from GM – besides letting the touchy-feely youth of the world tell them how to design their cars, that is – was the Cadillac ATS. I am impressed with the technical story, the attention paid to keeping the weight down, and the very real possibility that this rear-wheel-drive sedan could in fact be a genuine driver’s car. And GM is making no bones about the fact that they’re gunning for the BMW 3 series. But the design worries me in that it just kind of lies there. Yes, it continues the Cadillac design lineage, emulating BMW, which Cadillac is so intent on doing, by the way, but something is missing, especially in the front end.

(GM)

Bentley unveiled its V8-powered Continental GT Coupe, which was still excellent even though it has eight cylinders instead of twelve, but then again, it would be hard to screw that car up. Audi showed its barely-disguised Q3 in something called The Vail concept. The right-sized Q3 will be another successful entry from Audi in 2013, there’s no question. Mini showed the convertible version of its coupe, claustrophobics need not apply. Honda showed the new Accord Coupe, which was only mildly interesting. Bolder, yes and appreciably better, but yet another truly evolutionary step. Wait a minute, isn’t this how they got in trouble in the first place? Acura showed a couple of new vehicles that were pretty much forgettable, but the NSX was very interesting indeed (more on that later), Toyota continued the Prius-ification of its lineup with its NS4 concept, a tidily-rendered bordering on beautiful machine that seems to have “I’m the next-generation Prius” written all over it. The Scion FR-S was very appealing - after all, what’s not to like about a lightweight, nicely proportioned rear-wheel-drive sports coupe with a very decent power-to-weight ratio?  And its Lexus LF-LC Concept was stunning (more to come on that).

And now, on to our Autoextremist Awards from the 2012 Detroit Auto Show…

Most Significant Production Car: The 2013 Ford Fusion has simply blown-up the mid-sized segment with its brilliant combination of visionary design, scintillating content and overall operating efficiency. It’s a true game changer in every sense of the word. When it hits the showrooms next fall, the Ford Fusion will instantly be one of the hottest cars in the market. It’s that good.

(Ford)

Most Significant Concept Car That’s Least Likely To See The Light of Day: The Lexus LF-LC Concept (let’s just say right up front that names have never been a strong suit for Lexus) will never get built, but if this is an example of how Lexus is going about getting its mojo going in terms of design, we’re all for it. Designed at Toyota’s Calty studio in Newport Beach, California, the Lexus LF-LC is simply knee-buckling beautiful, inside and out.

(Toyota)

Most Significant Concept Car That Will See The Light of Day: The new Acura NSX, though bristling with blatant design cues from the Ferrari 458 Italia and the Lamborghini Gallardo, is Honda’s stake in the ground from this day forward. The new Accord isn’t it, and the new Acura models can’t be it either. No, this car is the statement machine that Honda has needed so desperately since, well, since they stopped building the last one. And the fact that it’s going to be built in Ohio is significant in its own right, perhaps as significant as the existence of the car itself. Honda needs this car to be outstanding in every respect. Anything less and it will be over. The worst part about the new NSX? It’s three long years away.

(Honda)

Most Significant Luxury Concept and Best In Show: The Lincoln MKZ Concept is significant for a number of reasons. First of all it serves as a level set for Lincoln, a brand that has been wallowing between irrelevance and insignificance for so long now that we’ve lost track. Secondly, no one, and I mean no one believed the Ford Motor Company was serious about resurrecting Lincoln, or would have the fundamental desire to devote the company resources as well as the persistence and wherewithal to go the distance to get it done. Yet here they are with a dedicated team made up of the kind of design, engineering and marketing talent that can make an impact and will go far to reestablish Lincoln as a credible luxury player. That is if upper level Ford executives stay the course and never waver from The Plan of nurturing the Lincoln brand over the long haul. And that means over at least a decade. That’s a very long time. Especially in this land of quarter-based performance reports where three straight quarters of good times used to generate high-fives in the hallways, and conversely three straight bad quarters would signify that the sky is falling. Staying focused on the ultimate goal will take every ounce of strength the Ford Motor Company can collectively muster. The new Lincoln MKZ is an absolutely brilliant start.

(Ford)

And that's the High-Octane Truth from the 2012 Detroit Auto Show.

See another live episode of "Autoline After Hours" with hosts John McElroy, from Autoline Detroit, and Peter De Lorenzo, The Autoextremist, and guests this Thursday evening, at 7:00PM EDT at www.autolinedetroit.tv.

By the way, if you'd like to subscribe to the Autoline After Hours podcasts, click on the following links:

Subscribe via iTunes:

http://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewPodcast?id=311421319

Subscribe via RSS:

http://www.autolinedetroit.tv/podcasts/feeds/afterhours-audio.xml

If you would like to read previous Autoextremist issues, click on "Next Entry" below.

AUTOEXTREMIST COVERAGE FROM THE 2012 DETROIT AUTO SHOW WILL BE POSTED OVER THE NEXT 24 HOURS. SEE SOME OF IT NOW IN "ON THE TABLE."

See another live episode of "Autoline After Hours" with hosts John McElroy, from Autoline Detroit, and Peter De Lorenzo, The Autoextremist, and guests this Thursday evening, at 7:00PM EDT at www.autolinedetroit.tv.

By the way, if you'd like to subscribe to the Autoline After Hours podcasts, click on the following links:

Subscribe via iTunes:

http://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewPodcast?id=311421319

Subscribe via RSS:

http://www.autolinedetroit.tv/podcasts/feeds/afterhours-audio.xml

If you would like to read previous Autoextremist issues, click on "Next Entry" below.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

Enjoy our year-end issue, and we'll see you back here on January 11, 2012!

Tweets, twerps, 15-minute "geniuses" and enough two-bit spineless weasels to make your head spin. Yes, it must be time for the Autoextremist Year in Review!

By Peter M. De Lorenzo

Detroit. Well, this one flew by in a heartbeat, didn’t it? Last January 5th I started my column off with the following: Here. We. Go. Another New Year, another seething cauldron made up of speculation, prognostication, pontification, hand-wringing, empty boasts, empty suits, savvy car executives, terminally clueless poseurs masquerading as “car guys,” stunning concepts, blown opportunities, unexpected product “hits,” predictable never-had-a-chance-in-hell product “misses,” marketing coups, advertising blunders, and a enough sheer din of coverage – much of it ill informed and relentlessly tedious - to make people weep uncontrollably. Yup, that’s the industry in a nutshell and truth be told we wouldn’t have it any other way.

That the automobile industry and the relentlessly connected 24/7 circus that accompanies it couldn’t get any more outrageous or wildly all-consuming goes without saying. And even though it’s obvious to those hard at it inside this business it still bears repeating: This is the most exhilarating, debilitating, breathtaking, relentlessly tedious, deliciously satisfying and needlessly infuriating enterprise known to man. And all of the aforementioned descriptors can occur in the same day. Oh hell, who am I kidding? Sometimes they occur in the same hour.

This automotive dance will lift you up and it will take you down. It’s like a magic elixir that gets into your head and captures your heart, yet it can crush your soul in an instant. Ask anyone who is neck deep in it and they’ll tell you no business does soul crushing like the auto biz. But as I’ve said, for most of us immersed in this swirling maelstrom of chaos punctuated by fleeting moments of absolute elation, we wouldn’t have it any other way.

And what about this tumultuous year of 2011?

This was the year that the Detroit-based domestic car companies – GM and Ford – come out swinging with outstanding new products that defied the skeptics and the critics. Yet in some cases even that wasn’t enough. The ebb and flow of sales numbers and profitability was a roller coaster, a constant din of prognostication, conjecture and hand-wringing that rarely amounted to much but left everybody reeling and tired. And we saw the Italian-owned Chrysler continue on its path of rejuvenation, even though much of its success was due to product decisions made long before the arrival of the much-touted Sergio Marchionne & Co., plus a heavy duty dose of incentives in the retail market to boot.

The devastating earthquake and subsequent tsunami in Japan was a horrific disaster that brutalized that country, and it rendered near-lethal body blows to its automobile industry as well. But the reality was that Toyota and Honda were already on a downward spiral long before that, brought on by myriad factors, much of which had to do with their own hubris and serial incompetence. In the ensuing chaos Nissan and Subaru were the only Japanese players that retained a modicum of momentum.

And the inexorable rise of the Hyundai-Kia conglomerate continued in 2011, as more and more consumers began to appreciate the Korean manufacturer as a company delivering quality, value and style that was worthy of serious consideration, and in multiple segments as well.

The German luxury-performance road stars continued their intense battle, with Audi well and truly ascending to the top tier, while BMW and Mercedes-Benz pounded each other for sales bragging rights.

And the VW conglomerate, with its glittering array of brands polished to an intense luster and arrayed like diamonds across the globe, threatened to run away with the whole damn thing.

And on and on it went this year, with boneheaded mandates thrown into the mix for good measure from woefully ill-equipped and relentlessly clueless politicians in Washington and Northern California doing their damnedest to screw everything up for one of the last bastions of America’s manufacturing sector.

It was all good. Until it wasn’t. But then again such is the state of the automotive world we live in today. One minute you’re soaring like the proverbial eagle, the next minute your pirouetting into the ground with a heroic thud. So without further ado then, let’s take a long look back at the highlights from 2011...

Editor’s Note: This column was never meant to be read in one sitting. Take a break. Get a life. And then report back to us in the New Year. Or not. And by the way, don’t miss our year-end “On The Table” column too. It doesn’t suck. And oh by the way, Dr. Bud surfaces in Road Kill too. - WG

After all, would we want predictable and boring? What fun is that? Would we want somber car executives spewing reasoned and calculated pap to the adoring media masses all the time? (Well, except for German car executives who do exactly that every year at the auto shows to mind-numbing effect.) No, we wouldn’t. We love it when an executive goes off and says exactly what he or she meant to say exactly the way they meant to say it. It’s fun, it’s life, and it’s great copy. Well, except for Sergio Marchionne, whose bombastic pronouncements grew tedious months ago, and GM’s Dan Akerson, who thinks being plopped into his role as CEO – with no meaningful qualifications whatsoever, I might add – gives him enough street cred to come off like a bull in a china shop and get all haughty and combative on top of it. Akerson is our candidate for AE’s Least Welcome Addition to the Auto Circus 2011, hands-down. (“The Industry’s future is so bright we’ll all need sunglasses - or something like that.” 1/5/2011)

We’re completely out of ideas, so here are some vehicles to look at and you have a wonderful day now, okay? Acura at the Detroit Auto Show was like a bad dream. Not only was the - ahem - design “language” of their entire product lineup magnified to horrific effect when their vehicles were all grouped together, you could have shot-off a paint can filled with bottle rockets and not hit a soul. This isn’t even a car company in transition; it’s a car company that’s in need of resuscitation. And they got nothin’ new coming in the near term either. Not. So. Much. (“Detroit Auto Show” 1/12/11)

They’d call it the Bismarck if they could get away with it. The BMW 650i convertible at the Detroit show was a monstrous leap into irrelevance by BMW, comfortably retaining its title as the most wildly Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde car company existing on the face of the earth. The car is massive - and it looked even more so in person - and instead of screaming “drive me, I’m fun!” it screamed “help me, I’m an idiot.” How this company could produce such a ponderous, unappealing, battleship-sized, craptastic convertible is beyond us, especially when the new 1 Series “M” class is so damn good. (“Detroit Auto Show” 1/12/11)

We’ve lost our mojo and there isn’t a search engine in the world powerful enough to find it, and our image is in complete tatters, but can we interest you in a new Prius? Toyota unveiled the Prius C in Detroit, a smaller version of its hallowed Prius sedan, and the Prius V, a slightly larger, mini-crossover thingy, figuring that if they go deep enough into the alphabet they can stop selling everything else and just become The Prius of Car Companies. “We're going to plant a family tree and watch it grow,” said Bob Carter, general manager of Toyota division. Oh my. And you guys brought in Akio Toyoda for this? The rest of the Toyota display was a mishmash of breathtaking, blandtastic somnolence that just boggled the mind. Oh yeah, they had the “Swagger Wagon” (which should be marketed to the livery trade, by the way) and they had a mini SEMA show going on, which was beyond pathetic, but all-in-all, Toyota gets a giant “F” in Detroit, for Forgettable. (“Detroit Auto Show” 1/12/11)

Actually, we do Tone Deaf better than anybody, now that you’re askin’. The Lexus display at Cobo Hall was beyond tedious, as somebody thought it would be a good idea to make all of their vehicles white, except for a metallic Day-Glo orange LF-A supercar and a pitiful green CT 200h billed as the “Darker Side of Green.” Why compound raging vanilla with more raging vanilla? And the “Darker Side of Green? Really? That’s the best you guys can come up with? Ugh. (“Detroit Auto Show” 1/12/11)

We can’t help ourselves; we just don’t have a frickin’ clue. If Lexus got the “White” memo, Mercedes-Benz got the “Silvery Gray” memo, and needless to say, they didn’t do themselves any favors. Boring, boring, boring, compounded by the fact that the electrified, Day-Glo green SLS sports car was so horrendous that it drove people away instead of drawing them in. Mercedes-Benz continues to believe and operate like it’s their auto industry and everyone else involved is just an annoying guest. But with that attitude they better be careful, because the next stop after Boring on The Oblivion Express is Forgettable. Just ask Toyota. (“Detroit Auto Show” 1/12/11)

The Alexander Haig Award goes to Dan Akerson. GM’s new CEO and the industry’s newly minted “instant” expert is now large and in charge of the Silver Silo dwellers and it’s not going so well. He talks too much, he‘s already making dubiously questionable predictions as to the scope of the company’s future product success, and worse, he’s starting to walk the walk and talk the talk like he’s been there for the bad times and he can now take credit for stuff that he hasn’t done or been involved with during the good times. Not Good doesn’t even begin to cover it. (“Detroit Auto Show” 1/12/11)

Marchionne speaks, the media fawns, but what just happened, really? The media gushing over Fiat-Chrysler CEO Sergio Marchionne in Detroit last week was simply appalling. Memo to the eager members of the media: Does hanging on every word from this guy and regurgitating his pronouncements in rote synchronization without a shred of critical dissonance the very best you can do? I think not. As I’ve said repeatedly, just coming out with new products doesn’t constitute a comeback. Look closer. The 200 was a yawner as was the Sebring and it’s still a yawner with a few contemporary tweaks. And the Fiat 500 launch has “problematic” written all over it. Incomplete showrooms and an intro that keeps getting pushed back doesn’t constitute a launch - it’s a burgeoning train wreck, no matter how cute and cuddly the car is. Instead of focusing on the cute and cuddly aspect of the 500 maybe you keyboard-pounders should train your intermittently focused gaze on the fact that this launch is being bungled right before your eyes. Remember one crucial thing in all of this: Just because Marchionne says they’re going to play in all of these new segments doesn’t mean they’re going to automatically succeed in these new segments, does it? No. As I’ve said many times before since founding this publication there’s a difference between just showing up and competing. Right now, Sergio is just showing up, and the last time I checked no one gets a gold star in this business for just showing up. (“Auto Show Aftermath” 1/19/11)

Is GM PR serious about this Dan Akerson image push, or are they being forced into it? Do I really have to ask this question? Given a choice do you really think the pros on the GM PR staff would willingly generate the embarrassing image-shaping barrage they’ve been orchestrating for Akerson on their own? Of course not. But it’s tres embarrassing nonetheless. Listen, folks, don’t kid yourselves for one minute, Akerson is a bull that has been unleashed in the U.S. auto industry china shop and this situation is going to get a lot worse before it gets better. Powered by a hard-headed, remarkably arrogant mindset, a general operating principle that he’s never wrong - okay maybe once back in ’72 but you get the drift - and the growing certainty that oozes out of him more each day revolving around the fact that he’s mastered this business in a matter of months making him the King of the “instant” experts hands down, and worse, that he’s hell-bent on leaving his mark on it, and you have a recipe for disaster that no PR offensive on earth can sugar coat. Stay tuned, kids, and buckle those five-point harnesses, because this is going to be a one hellaciously bumpy ride. (“Auto Show Aftermath” 1/19/11)

The most glaring thing that Dan Akerson fails to understand about this business? He thinks that the product development function is a process that is solely controlled by cost, when in fact product development is an ever-changing kaleidoscope of technology utilization, engineering philosophy, product vision, cadence and cost, with a large measure of gut feeling and passion thrown into the mix. And that last part, the “gut feeling and passion” part? That is quite simply the Black Art of this business, the very essence of which - if orchestrated properly - separates the outstanding product executions from the merely good or mediocre ones. (“The looming train wreck at General Motors” 1/26/11)

Marchionne is no doubt a smart automotive guy, but he wasn’t able to conceal his Machiavellian tendencies for long. And now that the curtains have been pulled back to reveal the real intent – and the underlying cynicism – of Brother Sergio’s Traveling Salvation Show, maybe the genuflectors in the media can all come to realize that Chrysler-Fiat or Fiat-Chrysler – whatever it may be called when it’s one company – will be just another car company chasing market share, instead of some sort of noble crusade for the hearts and minds of the Chrysler faithful that Brother Sergio has spun since Day One. (“Brother Sergio’s Traveling Salvation Show gets derailed.” 2/9/11)

I, for one, strongly believe that it’s not too late for this country to get on track and start functioning as a unified nation once again. And faced with the most daunting set of circumstances in 70 years – a crumbling housing industry, an automobile industry in grave crisis and a global reality that threatens to tear this nation asunder – I really don’t think we have much of a choice.

We didn’t get this far as a nation by letting things be dictated to us. At key moments in our history we have always risen to the occasion, responding to dire threats and looming crises with a sense of unity and an overriding purpose that has transcended and overcome all challenges. And we are now at one of those key moments again. We’re once again being reminded of the price of our independence. Let’s hope we’re all ready to do our part. (An excerpt from “Witch Hunt: Essays on the U.S. Auto Industry and the Blithering Idiots Who Almost Killed It” 2/23/11)

People who live in this region go nuts when commentators like Glenn Beck and Rush Limbaugh skew Detroit and heap derision on this area and that’s certainly understandable, because many of the so-called media elite throwing grenades at “Detroit” from the peanut gallery have never even set foot in this area for as much as a cup of coffee. And it is aggravating. Our local media pillars take umbrage and get in a lather about it and everyone gets their noses out of joint because it’s just not fair. And it isn’t fair, for the most part. But I will say this, I certainly understand where these pundits’ ire comes from: The rise of the union mentality, specifically as fostered and maliciously practiced by the UAW, has done more to corrode the image and the reality of this town, this region, this state and this industry than any other outside or inside force in the last 50 years. (“The UAW’s Solidarity Train to Nowhere.”  3/23/11)

Today, with the sun setting on David E. Davis Jr., we celebrate his legacy and contemplate and remember a wondrous era, when for a fleeting moment in time a band of committed, talented and creative enthusiasts came together to set the automotive world on its ear by being wonderfully outrageous, irresistibly compelling, and wildly provocative. And it was as good as it gets. The end of an era indeed. (“The end of an era for a business already inexorably changed.” 3/30/11)

Me? I’m just runnin’ down a dream that the True Believers will somehow stay ahead of the sloths and the quagmire dwellers still embedded in these companies, the ones who threaten to bring this business down at any moment with their serial incompetence, unbridled arrogance and lowest-common-denominator mediocrity, because if that happens, then this business has a real shot at long-term stability and a measured upward trajectory. (“Runnin’ down a dream” 4/6/11)

The thing I like most about Texas raising their speed limits to 85 mph in parts of the state? It’s kind of a throwback to a simpler and arguably better time when this country wasn’t so homogenous, where the physical and cultural diversity of this great nation was something to be celebrated instead of squashed into submission by chain restaurants, chain hotels and other mass purveyors of sameness that have swallowed this country whole. It was good that you could only get Coors beer in Colorado, Krispy Kreme donuts in the southeast, Vernor’s Ginger Ale and Stroh’s beer in Michigan, Pabst Blue Ribbon in Wisconsin, Shiner Bock in Texas, In-N-Out Burgers in California, (fill in your regional favorite here), etc., etc., etc. (“Texas wide open? It makes perfect sense.” 4/13/11)

The fact of the matter is that this business has changed fundamentally and unequivocally. And it’s not just the emergence of the Chinese market that’s driving it either. It’s about automobile companies going after market share wherever they see an opportunity, and when you’re Lexus and you’ve been operating in the quaintly old-school mode of “we’ve always done it this way and it has worked out pretty well” – a regimen patented by “old” Detroit and which propelled its rapid decent into bankruptcy, by the way – then you’ve got trouble with a capital “T.” (“Lexus has trouble with a capital ‘T.’ ” 4/27/11)

The Chinese government, under its “New Energy Vehicle Development Plan,” is suggesting that in order for electric or plug-in electric vehicles to qualify for incentives, they must be produced in China by a Chinese automaker in a joint venture with a Chinese company, and the manufacturer must have intellectual property rights and "mastery" of one of three key components: the motor, battery or power electronics.

This is akin to putting a gun to the head of these manufacturers and saying, “You’re either gonna hand over your intellectual property and other good stuff and you’re going to like it so that you can get a cut of the profits, or else you’re not going to do business here.” Let’s just call it for what it is: economic “diplomacy” by gunpoint. (“China’s Endgame spells trouble for the global auto industry.” 5/11/11

If you call up consumers at night after they just paid $4.25+ for regular on the way home of course they’re going to endorse a higher future fuel economy standard to a pollster asking leading questions. They’d also say they’d want to eat a double cheeseburger and fries at Five Guys and not gain a pound, be able to go to a pro football game for $5.00 a ticket, buy a Savile Row suit for a $100, have a cell phone bill that never goes over $25 a month, have lifetime access to a gym for nothing, gift a pair of Manolo Blahniks for $50, live in a 3,000-square-foot bungalow in Malibu for a $1000 a month, drive a 911 Porsche Turbo for the price of a Sonata, fly to Europe in First Class for $500, never pay over $1.00 at Starbucks no matter what the drink, etc., etc., etc. (“America is all about being green, as long as someone else is paying for it.” 5/18/11)

The Ultimate Initial Product Differentiator is design. You can coddle and group hug the masses, you can give everyone on earth a morning wakeup call “brought to you by your favorite car company,” you can lay down a cloud of touchy-feely invasive communication the likes of which the world has never seen before, and yet, if your vehicle looks like a rolling afterthought or an homage to abject mediocrity none of it will matter. Consumers will jaw all day long about how eco-sensitive and eco-friendly they are, but as a manufacturer if your vehicle has the emotional appeal of a cardboard box with windows, you’re toast. Even as we move to the Future of Transportation, when electronically guided vehicles in urban centers look to be more real every day and as our vehicle choices become fragmented into mini-segments for increasingly specific uses, design will become even more crucial to the success or failure of a car company. The Bottom Line? Image is everything out on the street, because it’s a rolling testament to who a car company is and what they stand for. And no amount of a-m-a-z-i-n-g touchy-feely social communication can change that. (“‘Socially savvy’ marketers dance around the fundamental realities of this business.” 5/25/11)

One thing that remains crystal clear to me after doing this publication for a dozen years is that the successful manufacturers are those who never lose sight of the fact that the freedom of personal mobility is a powerful thing, in fact it’s one of the most compelling lures that exists for most human beings. And as long as manufacturers understand that and understand that it’s the essence of these machines that resonates, and that they can indeed be mechanical conduits of our hopes and dreams, then they’ll have a shot at succeeding for the next decade plus two. Oh and by the way, lest you think that I believe Hyundai-KIA’s march to Juggernaut status is a foregone conclusion... The history of this business is littered with car companies and car company executives who got too smug, too complacent, and too caught-up in their press clippings and who took their collective eyes off of the ball. It has happened before and it will most definitely happen again. Just remember, no car company stays that hot for that long without losing focus, and trust me, it will happen to Hyundai-KIA as sure as I’m writing this. (“Enduring High-Octane Truths, twelve years on.” 6/1/11)

"This is modern man's version of war.  We must win. You can't go home at 5 and check out. And that was the culture here." Really, Mr. Akerson? And here I thought the modern man’s ‘version’ of war is unfortunately being fought in real time and with real casualties by our American men and women in uniform all over the world right now. The auto biz is an intense, vicious, global competition, but the only casualties here are the loss of jobs from serial incompetence and the precarious, seesawing bottom lines from the cruel vagaries of trying to make a buck in an uproarious business climate. And as for the ‘go home at 5 and check out culture’ at GM? First of all, there hasn’t been a ‘culture’ at GM since the high-flying late 50s and 60s, but then again like most modern American business leaders Akerson deems historical context irrelevant and a giant ‘whatever.’ Which is admittedly unusual for a guy who wears his Navy background on his sleeve, but then again you know what they say about people who choose to ignore history. As for the ‘go home at 5…’ comment, Akerson has proceeded to yet again insult the True Believers who fought and scraped and clawed and battled to keep GM in the game over the last decade, the people who are directly responsible for the credible product lineup GM has today. Nicely done. (“"Lt. Dan" dons his war paint and comes out swinging. Welcome to life during wartime in the Motor City.” 6/8/11)

I’m often asked if I’m growing tired of what I do, if the constant grind of creating Autoextremist.com has grown tedious for me, or even worse, a chore. And though I’m often caustic in my criticisms and cynical about much of this business, make no mistake - my passion for all things to do with the automobile still burns white hot. And when I come across a car like the Chevrolet Volt, which is a rolling embodiment of everything great about this business, a magnificent machine that absolutely bristles with the kind of ingenuity, creativity and passion that has defined greatness in this business from Day One then no, far from tired, I’m energized all over again and I’m absolutely thrilled with the possibilities that lie ahead. For as long as there are True Believers out there, and as long as that fire inside them continues to burn bright, then this business is in excellent hands and we will be driving great machines for many, many years to come. I, for one, can’t wait for what’s over the horizon. (“Vindication for the True Believers at GM.” 6/15/11)

So here’s to the minions, the gamers, the coddled and the entitled, the I-don-t-give-a-shit-just-ask-me hordes who want the world broken up in 140 character bits because anything more is just too tedious to contemplate. This column - the current state of the auto biz in digestible 140 character morsels, revisited - is for you. Enjoy it. Or just watch America’s Got Talent some more and it won’t matter anyway because by then your brain will have truly turned to mush. (“No good (or bad) deeds go untweeted: The current state of the auto biz in 140 character bursts or less, revisited.” 6/29/11)

Why? It’s a very stark reminder that in this era of “no bad cars” there’s a lethal formula lurking under the surface that can wreak havoc on the most well-intentioned car companies. And that formula goes something like this: Loss of Focus + Too Much Unchecked Ego = Unmitigated Disaster. The kind that results in product disasters like the Nissan Murano CrossCabriolet, and boneheaded marketing strategies that actually have allegedly well-intentioned executives believing that the re-launch of the Smart in this market is a good idea. (“Lethal formulas and unmitigated disasters.” 7/13/11)

But then again that’s really not the problem with Mercedes. They can build great machines when they set their minds to it, they just don’t realize how damaging their “image waffling” has been to them. They allowed their so-called marketing geniuses to run amuck and the result is that even though Mercedes-Benz is still very much in the thick of the luxury fight, they’ve lost their mojo with the consumer public and they’ve squandered one of the greatest automotive legacies of all time. I really can’t recall another example in the history of this business where so many have done so little with so much to work with. (Uncle Dieter gives his troops a wake-up call, but is it too little, too late? 8/3/11)

Chrysler’s Uber CEO, Sergio Marchionne, is different from you and me. He’s even different from his downtrodden and second-rate colleagues in Detroit – at least the ones who were here B.S. (Before Sergio) – as he took great pains to point out at the annual Center for Automotive Research industry conference up in Traverse City last week.

Now that there is a new agreement between the majority of the automakers doing business in the U.S. and the Obama administration to reach an average of 54.5 miles per gallon by 2025, Sergio went out of his way to slam the Detroit auto industry and the people who work in it, basically implying that they were dimwits who were unresponsive and uncooperative with our clearly gifted government leaders ­– you know, the ones who allowed a patchwork quilt of fuel mileage standards to sprout up over the years based on the whims of a loony cadre of touchy-feely Northern California politicians, rabidly delusional environmentalists and whack-job politicians in New England and Washington as if any of them had even a lick of sense or the first clue as to what they were doing – and now that all three of Detroit’s car companies were being run by “enlightened” outsiders who weren’t burdened by traditional “Detroit” baggage, this business would finally run properly, free of its serial incompetence.

“These are business people who did not grow up and become conditioned to doing business in Detroit,” Sergio said. “They accept the challenge of the new without being afraid.”

Oh really? This coming from The Opportunist of the Century, the guy who was basically handed the keys to Chrysler for nothing by an Obama administration desperate to keep the domestic automobile industry from imploding? And who before that made his bones by “turning around” Fiat, a company so screwed-up and paralyzed that even if he had just reduced the espresso machine count at corporate headquarters by half he would have looked like an industrial hero in Italy, a country that, I’m sad to say, has a real problem making money in the car business (unless we’re talking about Ferrari, of course).

Sergio suddenly acting like the Sage of the Automotive World is hard enough to take – even though some of my less-than-diligent colleagues in the media have been quick to canonize him, but more on that later – but suggesting that GM CEO Dan Akerson, that irascible refugee from the sinkhole affectionately referred to as Private Equity, who was plucked from obscurity by one of the most relentlessly incompetent corporate boards on the face of the earth because they apparently had no better ideas, is one of the enlightened outsiders who will lead Detroit to the Promised Land is pure unmitigated bullshit.

I don’t know what’s worse. Sergio pontificating and lecturing “Detroit” about the error of its ways and how he’s going to help them see the light, or implying that Dan Akerson somehow belongs here. A pompous, carpet-bagging opportunist and a corporate failure that was handed the keys to one of the biggest companies on earth simply because he was the next one up off the bench doesn’t add up to much, in my book.

Beyond that, what’s most annoying and even more insulting is that Sergio is lumping in Ford’s Alan Mulally – the gifted and focused leader from Boeing with the serious engineering and management credentials – in his Triumvirate of Wisdom, a role I’m sure Mr. Mulally wants nothing to do with.

The reality is that this alleged “concerned citizen of the world” who was just trying to help the U.S. government out in a time of need so that all the good people of Chrysler would have a job thanks to his tireless efforts has now revealed his true self.

And who is Sergio, really? Well, beyond being a carpet-bagging opportunist – which bears repeating by the way because, well, why sugarcoat it? ­– he’s a crazed, micromanaging tyrant who is setting up Chrysler not for a long period of sustained success and growth as he insists, but for yet another looming crisis in the company’s roller-coaster-like history when he steps away in 2015, leaving behind a corporate management structure that is totally dependent on one guy and a system of doing things based on that one guy. And oh, by the way, there’s only one guy – Sergio – whereupon that system can function to boot.

As you may have surmised by now it’s all about The Sergio Show, and it ain’t pretty, especially when you consider the possibility of Chrysler being paralyzed by chaos and indecision when Sergio walks away with his untold millions. (Wait a minute, even though the media might have you thinking otherwise you don’t think Sergio is going to walk away with a modest stipend because, after all, it was all about doing the U.S. government a favor, do you? Nah, I didn’t think so.)

Yet, according to some of the keyboard-dented wretches toiling away in the media, The Sergio Show runs on espresso and three hours of sleep a night! The Sergio Show is a dynamo who will lead Chrysler and Detroit out of the wilderness by way of his sheer brilliance! The Sergio Show is now weighing-in on what was wrong with Detroit and how things will be much better now that the “real” executives are in charge! The Sergio Show is speaking - we must now drop everything and stand at attention so we can bask in his brilliance!

I offer no excuses for some of my esteemed colleagues in the media. They have issues and varying degrees of personal trials to deal with that I’m not privy to, and they probably have uptight editors screaming at them for more content eighteen hours a day ­– as if this business needed anymore – but whatever their issues or reasons they need to pull away from their laptops, go for a walk around the block, roll around in the grass, or find some happy pills to take because this relentless canonization of Sergio and The Sergio Show has to stop.

It’s now crystal clear to me that Sergio believes he’s not only smarter than just about everyone on the face of the earth, in a new wrinkle he now believes that in fact he’s better than everyone else too, which means – in his mind anyway – that he’s allowed to chastise Detroit and all of the people who worked their asses off for years for all sins real and imagined (before he graced us with his brilliance, of course), and that if we all just sit up straight and pay attention when The Great Sergio speaks we’ll be so much better off for it.

What’s wrong with this picture?

On the one hand it’s good that the “real” Sergio has finally emerged, even though this guy is no surprise to me. After all, he’s been honing this persona for years, the one that suggests that companies will fail and suffer a horrible fate unless they avail themselves of his brilliance.

On the other we have an automotive media that is still in the “genuflection stage” when it comes to The Sergio Show, and it’s so beyond tedious now I can’t even imagine what another four years of it will be like.

In the midst of all of this Chrysler’s very survival depends on Fiat and Chrysler assimilating, combining, meshing and blending their disparate endeavors together according to Sergio’s “grand plan” and that is still very much a work in progress and a “we’ll see” of gargantuan proportions. It would be nice to see my colleagues focus on that for a change. (“The Sergio Show gets preachy and the media genuflects. What’s wrong with this picture?” 8/10/11)

Ewanick wants GM to become the essence of Apple, the ultra-contemporary, ultra-hip bastion of consumer idolatry, the maker of the kind of quintessential, gotta have products that people just can’t get enough of. But as I said to reporter Rich Thomaselli in a follow-up interview: "I think it's a noble goal but the short answer is no, it's not doable in the climate we exist in. Automobiles just don't have the broad appeal that the latest tech products do."

There, I said it.

As much as I’ve been immersed in this business since I was a kid and as much as this town and this region are buried in it up to our collective eyeballs 24 hours a day, the reality is that this is a different time and a different era. And as much as I love cars and everything associated with this industry, it’s clear to me that our culture has been fundamentally altered by the digital revolution, and the power of instant connection and gratification manifested in the latest consumer electronic devices hold more sway than the latest automotive machines do for most people. That’s just the new reality. (“Mr. Ewanick’s Moon Shot.” 8/17/11)

No, I sense that the executives charged with the rejuvenation of Lincoln understand that they need to go their own way and that any sort of “me-too” thinking in this segment could prove to be mediocre for them, if not fatal. Which means if Lincoln operatives in all of the disciplines can brew up a cocktail of just the right ingredients, I believe Lincoln not only has a legitimate shot at respectability, it has all the potential to become a solid player in the luxury segment again.

This tale of two American luxury brands is a complex and fluid one. Cadillac understands who it is, but wants to be better and wants more. Much more. Lincoln on the other hand understands the worthy parts of its heritage but wants to re-imagine itself with a mixture of avant-garde design and forward-thinking technology for the brave new automotive world that exists today Ultimately its about credibility, respectability and prestige. And the proof, as always, will be in the product. As well it should be. (“A tale of two American luxury brands: Where they are and where they need to go.” 8/24/11)

In Dearborn, Ford’s True Believers are on a mission to rejuvenate the very soul of the company while “re-imagining” a Mustang that will resonate for a whole new generation of enthusiast buyers. At the same time GM’s True Believers are engaged in what has become an eternal quest to imbue the Corvette with the kind of credibility and desirability that will not only resonate with a tougher and more demanding consumer audience, but will result in a car that will live up to the legacy of the legendary Corvettes and the legends who created them.

It’s easy to get lost in this business and it’s easy to dwell on the mundane or the infuriating things that drive everyone crazy. And the relentless day-in, day-out slog of it can get mind-numbingly overwhelming at times.

But I think it’s invigorating to know that as you read this some of the most talented people in this business are hard at work honing two of the greatest automotive icons that this industry has ever known.

The challenge is daunting and the implications of their actions will impact their respective companies and resonate in the market for years to come, but the True Believers – the ones who eat, sleep, and breathe this business – wouldn’t have it any other way. I find tremendous comfort in that. (“The True Believers have their day in the sun as Ford and GM “re-imagine” two of America’s greatest automotive icons.” 8/31/11)

Once upon a time in the Emerald City, the great Wizard of Oz – after urging Dorothy and her friends to “pay no attention to the man behind the curtain” – eventually gave the Tin Woodsman a heart, the Cowardly Lion courage, and the Scarecrow a brain, with words of wisdom and encouragement to go with it, before sending them on their way.

Oh, if it were only that easy for the needy players in the auto industry, because their individual wish list for success is long, urgent, and growing.

So bear with me for a moment and let’s pretend that there really is a Wizard of the Motor City, tucked away in a long-abandoned warehouse adrift in the sea of abandoned warehouses that dot this battered and bruised landscape that we call home. He surfaces now and again and walks among us in order to take the temperature and pulse of his domain, but alas only for fleeting moments and always incognito.

But his presence is deeply felt and those who know the double-secret password can request an audience so that he might deign to bestow his wisdom on the players, the misfits, the pretenders and the pathetic souls who toil away in this business searching for The Answer, or at least a shred of one.

Channeling his vision and wisdom, this is what the Wizard of the Motor City might say to the huddled masses clamoring for an audience...

To Acura: I’ll give you a design language that speaks from the heart instead of from the ghost of a long lost antique Kelvinator sitting in some appliance collector’s garage.

To Aston Martin: I will fashion you a pair of new glasses so that you might gain enough vision to see past re-hashing the same ol’, same ol’ designs. Granted your same ol’ designs are better than about half the rest of the car companies in this business, but still, risk and reach can sometimes be so damn liberating.

To Audi: I will bestow a deep breath to take in order that you not lose your way. The kind of roll you’re on is what car company dreams are made of, and you need the courage and wisdom to maintain that focus.

To Bentley: I will give you a swift kick in the ass if my Mulsanne isn’t ready soon.

To BMW: I’ll give you an antidote for the ‘being all things to all people’ drug that you’re clearly addicted to. Oh, and a tutorial for the general citizenry so that they might finally understand the difference between ‘Bimmer’ and ‘Beemer.’

To Sergio Marchionne: I’ll give you a succession plan that doesn’t require finding another espresso swilling power junkie in order to succeed. Oh, and the courage to admit – in public – that Chrysler is no longer an American company so that we might be spared one more tedious iteration of that Super Bowl spot touting Chrysler’s “American-ness.” That has been well and truly beaten to death and you desperately need a new idea.

To Chrysler-Fiat: I will bestow the courage for you to walk away from your current scorched earth, churn and burn marketing ‘plan’ that’s delivering lots of media hype about your ‘success’ while you burn through more cash per vehicle than anyone else in the business. I’m not in the ‘smoke and mirrors’ business anymore after the whole curtain incident. You shouldn’t be either.

To Chevrolet: I will give you the strength and wisdom to create a kick-ass Corvette that still falls under the ‘attainable’ position in the market that you so covet. I will also give you the balls to finally create a no apologies, no excuses Corvette super car that will be coveted the world over.

To Ferrari: I will give you a free pass on the new ‘FF’ sport wagon thing. But if you dare venture into people mover/crossover territory I will send squadrons of flying monkeys over to Maranello to lay waste to your pasta machines.

To Fiat-Chrysler: I will give you the courage to go out and find a real ad agency so that you might have a shot at elevating yourselves beyond ‘One Hit Wonder’ status after the ‘first on the block’ hordes get their fill of the 500.

To Ford: I will give you the courage to create a Mustang for The Ages and for The Future, with only a minimal tip of the hat to the past. A car that will create a whole new generation of rabid enthusiasts for Mustang and for Ford. Oh, and a new purpose-built rear-wheel-drive architecture too. Because you guys desperately need it, even if you won’t admit it.

To Lincoln: I will give you true separation from Ford, and the courage not to waver. It’s your only hope for automotive salvation.

To Dan Akerson: I will give you a do-over, and the humility to start over. Yeah, this business is just like any other business, except it’s not. And the sooner you realize that and understand it, the better off you – and GM – will be.

To the True Believers at GM: I will give you even more courage and conviction so that you can convince ‘the others who just don’t get it’ what you really need and why you really need it.

To Joel Ewanick and GM Marketing: I’ll make sure your ad agencies truly understand what being ‘on’ all the time really means. And that there are no substitutes and no second chances in this game.

To Honda: I’ll give you your mojo back since apparently you couldn’t find it even if I spotted you the ‘m’ and the ‘jo.’ This business was a lot more fun when you guys acted like Honda. Oh, and drink this potion three times a day for the next year. I guarantee that it will slowly but surely remove your heads from your asses.

To Hyundai: I will give you guys a modicum of humility and some long-distance binoculars so that you might see the mistakes coming before you make them. Oh, never mind. It never prevented any other car company from making a mistake and going off of the rails, and you’re no different.

To Infiniti: Report back to me in a month and come up with something to ask for, because frankly I don’t know where to begin.

To Jaguar: I’ll give you the courage and wisdom to come up with something really new that says Jaguar. And no, it’s not the C-X16 either.

To KIA: I’ll give you more balls so that we can be entertained by more of your quirky ads and your excellent cars. You’re sort of like Hyundai without the creeping arrogance, and that’s a good thing.

To Lamborghini: I’d like to say that I’d give you something for making the journey, but I won’t because you guys clearly don’t need anything at the moment. But you can leave that Adventador you came in as a parting gift if you’d like.

To Lexus: I’d like to bestow some wisdom on you but you guys and gals know it all and you’re convinced that if you just get back to ‘Lexus being Lexus” it will all work out. Be forewarned. The Wicked Witch of the West tried that and it didn’t work out so well for her either.

To Lotus: I’d like to bestow the gift of contriteness on you but you guys are too clueless to get it. I don’t need to see five fanciful cars, I’d just like to see two really good ones with competitive performance and quality, and the discipline to build them and sell them in a grown-up way. But alas, that’s apparently too much to ask.

To Mazda: I’ll give you the wisdom and courage to break out of your perennial second-tier status. But then again I’m not so sure that’s enough.

To Dieter Zetsche: I’ll give you a heart so that you can finally admit that you really don’t have a clue as to why Mercedes-Benz isn’t perceived as being Mercedes-Benz anymore. Years of volume plays and venturing into niches that you had no business venturing in to have not paid off, they’ve only diminished the brand. And I don’t have enough tricks in my bag to fix it either.

To Nissan: The courage to build more cool and wacky cars like the Cube and the Juke, because at least they have a point of view and at least they’re not boring. As for the Leaf? That’s another story altogether.

To Porsche: I’d like to say I’d give you guys a brain but you’re way too smart for yourselves already. I just hope you can keep the fragile balance between commerce (Cayenne and Panamera) and passion (Boxster, Cayman, 911) together so that the enthusiasts can always find the right Porsche for them. And please make the ‘new’ 2012 911 the last of the ‘big’ 911s.

To Range Rover: I’d like to take responsibility for bestowing a flat-out hit on you in the new Evoque, but you guys don’t need the Wiz’s help. Just be prepared for the onslaught of new customers lusting after ‘em.

To Rolls-Royce: Thank you for visiting the great and powerful Wiz, and thank you for leaving that Black-on-Black Ghost for me to drive. That was very sweet of you.

To Saab: I want to give you guys a great big hug but what you really need is a couple of billion dollars right now. And unfortunately I’m all tapped-out at the moment.

To Scion: I am going to give you a brain-clearing burst of energy and the cojones to put the new FR-S sports car front and center in all of your marketing plans. Forget about the touchy-feely Scion of old and reinvent yourself as the hip and happening sports car maker from Japan. At least you don’t have to worry about Honda, they abdicated that positioning long ago.

To Subaru: I am flabbergasted as to what to give you so I’ll just pat you on the head and send you on your way. You’ve managed to carve yourself out a nice chunk of the market based mainly on people who don’t really care about cars. Who knew?

To Toyota: Oh, where to begin. You guys are convinced that if you just go back to ‘Toyota being Toyota’ it will all work out just fine. Kinda like your Lexus brethren, right? Well, the Camry looked like yesterday’s product news upon introduction. Three years from now it’s going to look ten years old. So I’m going to give you a dollop of clarity together with a shot of NZT and the courage to get off your asses and design good looking, desirable cars. Because I’ve got news for you, Hyundai and KIA are not letting off the gas even for a second, and you’re still parked by the side of the road contemplating your next moves. As someone I know very well says, that’s a heaping, steaming bowl of Not Good.

To Volvo: I’d like to bestow some vitamin water and a never-ending iPod filled with spa music on you because frankly you’re going to need it. What’s a Volvo? Better yet, what will Volvo be next year or even five months from now? It even gives The Wiz a headache just thinking about it. Having boatloads of Chinese money is one thing. Knowing what to do with it is a completely different thing altogether.

To VW: I would give these maniacs a glimpse into the future so that they could reduce their expectations and get more realistic about this ‘we’re gonna sell 800,000 cars in the U.S. by 2018’ thing. Because based on my experience that’s not only assuming a lot, it’s assuming much more than the market can bear.

To Our Esteemed Politicians: You know, the ones in Washington D.C. and in Northern California who are absolutely convinced that they know what’s good for us when it comes to personal transportation, even though they don’t have a clue? I will bestow enough courage on them so that they can admit that they’re wrong 95 percent of the time, plus the brains to reevaluate their stance so that the discussion may lead in a more positive direction. And enough heart to let the sunshine in while I’m at it. It’s better than swift kick in the ass, right?

The Wizard of the Motor City has spoken, and now the players in the biz have a lot to go on, don’t you think? Let’s hope so at any rate. (“Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain...” 9/7/11)

But in its quest for profitability, Porsche has created a brave new world for itself consisting of two drastically different hemispheres — diametrically opposed would be closer to the truth — that exist at cross purposes to each other yet contribute to its painstakingly orchestrated whole.

In one hemisphere of Porsche world you have the Cayenne SUV and the Panamera sedan (four-door-coupe in Porsche parlance), seemingly incongruous miscreants that operate outside of the historical Porsche mission of light, purposeful, responsive and innovative sports cars that have been the hallmark of the company since day one.

In the other hemisphere you have the quintessential Porsche, the 911, as well as the Boxster and Cayman models, which are each very true to the sports car mission projected by Ferry Porsche, the one that established the Porsche name as a calling card for motoring desirability around the world.

The differences between the two Porsches are pronounced, no matter how Porsche operatives try to spin it. And the marked differences between the consumers who seek out these Porsches are even more so. (“Porsche’s delicate dance.” 9/14/11)

Here we go again with the real costs associated with Sergio’s “I command all that I survey” egomaniacal management style. He’s the King of Micromanaging and when it appears to be working the stick-and-ball media fall all over themselves in heaping gushing praise on him.

But what about when it isn’t working? Is it really deserved?

Not when it comes to Fiat it isn’t. Sergio and his minions took their eyes off of the ball when it came to the Fiat launch and it shows. After painting a nirvana-like picture for dealers and getting them to pony-up a ton to meet Sergio’s “vision” for the brand, the cars were late, the marketing was amateurish and now, the promise of a showroom full of interesting Fiat and Alfa Romeo vehicles is down the road. Well down the road. (“Shock sets in for Fiat dealers as the reality of Sergio’s “plan” hits home.” 9/21/11)

But here’s the thing: This business allows for a very narrow window of opportunity, let’s call it for what it is - a sliver - to launch a new model or heaven forbid, a brand. The common rule of thumb used to be around 24 months to make a go of it, but that number has been whittled-down to 12-15 months. That’s it. If you can’t create momentum for a new product or brand in this time period it probably is not gonna happen. Ever.

And guess what? Sergio & Co. has been flailing away on the Fiat brand for going on 10 months now, and to say that time is running out for them doesn’t even begin to cover it. Is that the stench of burnt Italian toast wafting over from Auburn Hills? It could very well be. (“Sergio’s marketing genius rides to the rescue of Fiat, but the brand may already be toast.” 9/28/11)

Today Nardelli actually has the temerity to blame everything on the economy, suggesting that if it weren’t for that calamitous 2008 a Cerberus-run Chrysler would be riding high right now.

"The fact is, we kept (Chrysler) alive when it could have gone down the tubes," Nardelli told The News. "This will sound defensive, but I think we did everything we could."

Really? His delusional thinking clouds the reality of the situation, because Chrysler under Cerberus was reduced to a gutted-out shell of a company, a steaming empty hulk left unable to compete on any level simply because Cerberus and Nardelli were the wrong “leaders,” at the wrong time, let loose on the wrong company, nothing more than parasitic interlopers who brought absolutely nothing good to bear on behalf of Chrysler, unless you consider their own particular brand of no-muss, no-fuss financial mumbo jumbo an asset. (For the record Nardelli has blown his latest Cerberus assignment – as Chairman of the NewPage Paper Company – to smithereens as well, with the company recently filing for bankruptcy, but I digress.) (“’Minimum Bob’ ascends to the Delusional Thinking Hall of Fame.” 10/5/11)

I’d like to welcome all of you grandstanders out there in the national media who have decided it is time to “rediscover” Detroit. The ones who took great pleasure in dismissing this town as a carcass of a city when we were down and desperate, and writing off an entire region for being associated with one of America’s founding industries, as if that was a horrific, unforgivable sin. Yeah, you know who you are.

And while I’m at it, welcome to all the grandstanding politicians, the ones who crucified the homegrown U.S. auto industry just a few years ago, egregiously blaming the automobile and the auto industry for all of the cumulative ills – both real and imagined – of this nation, and barely concealing your contempt for the auto industry and the town and the state that harbor it. Weren’t you the same scumbag politicians who conducted that “witch hunt” masquerading as congressional hearings just three years ago? The ones who are now vigorously courting our votes as if none of that nightmare occurred? Yeah, I thought so.

Well, well, well, things are a bit different now, aren’t they? Or are they?

The reality is, unfortunately, that things are really not all that different here, despite what the cover stories in Sports Illustrated and USA Today would have you believe, and the growing number of favorable articles in The Wall Street Journal and the New York Times with like-minded slants that are beginning to appear right now.

Before these upbeat stories start painting a picture that isn’t quite accurate, let me explain a few things about this town and our MO before we get buried in gaudy, overly upbeat stories that just aren’t true.

First of all, is this a sports town? Oh, hell yes, and that has been well documented. We suffer with and cheer our beloved Lions, Tigers, Red Wings and Pistons with as much fervor as any other town wearing the “sports town” moniker. And yes, that means all the usual suspects like Boston, Chicago, New York, et al. We’re just as rabid, if not more so, than any other big league sports town in America.

We’ve dubbed ourselves “Hockey Town” (and accurately, I might add) for our beloved Red Wings, the perennial NHL champions who are now officially long overdue for another Stanley Cup. We love our Tigers more than life itself, and to have them in the ALCS is like an elixir to this city that just cannot be put into words. We’ve seen championships with the Pistons, who are down and have been down for quite a while, but who can rise again with the right mix of mojo and gumption, we just know it.

But if there was ever a city that is a football town in a football-mad state, make no mistake Detroit is it, and the rejuvenated Lions say more about the mental state of this town than any other franchise. Long forgotten as perennial contenders and champions in the glory years of the 50s, the Lions are the guts and fabric of this city. And the long strange trip in the desert that the team and its fans have endured, which produced monumentally embarrassing bouts of futility, including the now infamous 0-16 debacle of a season just three years ago, is starting to recede from view.

Make no mistake, the Lions are rebuilt and real, and the fervor surrounding their initial season success is palpable everywhere you go here. So go on and write about these Lions, because this team more than any other franchise speaks for this city and perfectly defines our mood. As in, we’ve been down and spit-on and dragged through the mud for years, just like the Lions, but we’re all here to say “enough” and that we’re fighting back with everything we’ve got.

But the current sports mania is only part of this town’s story, and I’m afraid a lot of these articles being written about “Detroit Rising” are glossing over too many things and missing some crucial points.

And now, on to the unpopular part of this column...

First up for scrutiny is “the union thing” that has defined the auto industry, this town and this state for far too long. I’ve been nauseated by all of the articles – especially by some of the “homers” in our local media – who are hailing this latest round of bargaining between the UAW and Ford, GM and the Italian-owned Chrysler as signifying a “new day” and a new era of cooperation between labor and industry.

It’s not accurate and it’s just flat-out wrong.

This latest bout of bargaining was simply marked by agreements of convenience between two factions that had little to go on other than that they couldn’t go back and pretend that things would ever be the way they were again and that accommodations had to be made. That was it.

Enlightenment? Please. UAW chief honcho Bob King and his merry minions were still throwing out the same hoary rhetoric that has marked the UAW from Day One, and it was just as tedious and relentlessly stupid as it always has been. And for King to adhere to his promise that he will organize the transplant factories doing business in other parts of the U.S., which are owned and operated by the import manufacturers, is ridiculous and destroys any credibility he has, which admittedly wasn’t much to begin with.

So before these stories from the national media gloss over things too much and hail the new “spirit of cooperation” between the UAW and the Detroit-based automakers, they should take a moment to understand the ugly reality of the union movement in this town and what it has cost this state and this region over the last 40 years.

Was this UAW needed once upon a time in America? Certainly, but that was long ago. In subsequent years the UAW became the purveyors of calculated entitlement, and this famously corrosive mentality has spread throughout local governments, to subsidiary industries supplying the auto companies, to the educational system, to basically every facet of life in this town and this region and this state, and it has absolutely devastated everything it has come in contact with.

Example No. 1? The ugly reality is that what passes for government in the City of Detroit is a cesspool of entitlement, and mayor Dave Bing is trying his damnedest to rectify it and point the city in a new direction, but this is a disease that was put into play by former mayor Coleman Young 35 years ago and fueled by our esteemed ex-mayor Kwame Kilpatrick and his rampant thuggery and posse of out-and-out crooks.  And by a relentlessly incompetent City Council that has spread its virulent strain of ill-will and “what’s in it for me” slackerdom throughout the system to the point that it’s a city government paralyzed by indifference and a woeful “I don’t give a shit” attitude that has basically slammed the door shut on meaningful progress at every juncture.

But you won’t be reading about this in the most recent glossy articles about “the upward trajectory of Detroit,” I will guarantee you that. Because it’s much easier to write about the signs of life in the city, which admittedly are there, but at the same time conveniently fail to deal with the core of the problems that might actually be able to set this region in the right direction permanently. Oh, they might touch upon it a bit, but they won’t give you the ugly truth because well, it is beyond u-g-l-y.

And then there’s the educational system – or what passes for it – in the city of Detroit. An embarrassment that has been wrecked by a stupefying level of corruption that has permeated the system for decades, it is an entity that has been in deep crisis for going on 25 years now, with one of the highest drop-out rates in the country, among other things. It operates in a perpetual state of being “finally fixed” but it is never fixed, racked by “concerned” entities that don’t want things to get better if it means giving up any of the bounty they have extracted from the system due to previous contracts and corrupt deals.

And finally, we have the homegrown auto companies. I founded this website going on 13 years ago on the premise that the Detroit car companies were a seething cauldron of incompetence and that their dubious practices and proclivities – despite the myriad True Believers who were doing their best – would surely lead them to a bad end unless they took steps to fix their stilted “not invented here” thinking and their set-in-their-ways MO. And true to form, things didn’t end well.

The years of absurdly costly union contracts that were agreed upon simply because it was much easier to keep things going than it was to actually deal with the brewing problems finally proved to be too much to bear for what was then the Detroit Three, especially with import competitors that weren’t saddled with the gargantuan cost structure and legacy costs that loomed over the Detroit car companies like a guillotine.

Combine that with a calculated practice of engineering to the lowest common denominator – except for a few bright exceptions – and a steadfast belief that the customer ultimately didn’t matter, and you had a classic recipe for disaster.

And with the economic calamity of 2008, the whole thing came unglued. With Ford on the ropes and GM and Chrysler shuffled-off to bankruptcy, it was the darkest hour in this industry’s history.

Not that any of this is new, but I just wanted to add a bit of reality to the “Detroit is Back!” frenzy going on right now.

The fact of the matter is that the domestic automobile industry is on an upward trajectory, and that means a lot to everyone in this town and it should mean a lot to the rest of the country, even though it definitely doesn’t. A healthy domestic auto industry is key to the overall health of this nation’s industrial fabric, and it’s too bad that people won’t take the time to understand and acknowledge that fact. Because this much I do know: we can’t exist in this world as a crazed Starbucks Nation of consumer zombies alone, this country must produce hard goods and services if it is to survive as a player in the growing global economic fight.

And finally, the last chapter of today’s little reality check concerns the health of Ford, GM and Chrysler. Are they better? Absolutely.

Ford has the best overall management and the unquestioned Leader of Leaders in Alan Mulally. They have a superb product development team in place, savvy marketing and the company’s upcoming product cadence is formidable.

GM is coming into its own after years of being lost in the wilderness, their product cadence is equally impressive and their leadership is starting to coalesce under Dan Akerson. I’ve been tough on Mr. Akerson but I will give him credit for this: he’s pulled back a bit and is listening a lot more, and he has some tremendous talent reporting to him that will continue to make a difference as along as he lets them do their thing.

As for Fiat-Chrysler, despite what everyone is saying the jury is still out. I refuse to genuflect in front of Sergio Marchionne, as I don’t believe that this “Opportunist of the Century” deserves a free pass just for being in the right place, at the tight time, with his hand out when the Obama administration clearly had nowhere else to turn. Every single bit of Chrysler product goodness on the road right now was basically in place long before Marchionne even got there, and I credit Chrysler’s True Believers – the ones who refused to give up despite insurmountable odds – for that. Well done, ladies and gentlemen. Marchionne talks too much, he promises too much (75,000 Alfa Romeos by 2015? Ridiculous). And he’s really got nothing much to show except for the new compact Dodge Hornet that’s slated for next spring. If it’s competitive, let alone a hit in the toughest segment in the U.S. market right now, then this company has a shot. Not at overwhelming success, but survival.

But let's not forget this: all of the accumulated gains by this industry could be derailed at any moment if the players lose their focus or if an economic calamity rears its head. It's that fragile.

So that’s the Deal on Detroit on this 10^th day of October. Is this a tough town? Unquestionably. Are things on an upward trajectory? If you’re purely looking at the automobile industry that lives here, absolutely. But when looking at the health of the city and its environs, and the deep-rooted problems that plague this city and its educational system, the ones that are preventing this city from doing anything but a dismal two-steps forward, five-back self-defeating dance of "progress," then we indeed have a long, long, long way to go.

Yes, as a town and as a region we do have a long way to go. But this is who we are and this auto thing is what really matters to us. We don’t need sympathy and the glossy stories of late are nice but they will never define us, or what it’s really like to be here and be from around here.

We’re a state of mind that’s filled with countless contradictions and our great history is offset by some lurid realities.

We’ve contributed much to the American fabric yet we have a historical propensity to make things brutally tough on our day-to-day well-being.

We’ve brought this country a sound like no other and a gritty, gutty context that’s second to none, yet we’ve created countless problems for ourselves, most all of them self-inflicted.

We created the “Arsenal of Democracy” when our country needed it most, yet we allowed a movement based on fairness to become a disease based on entitlement and rancor.

We’ve contributed much to this nation's progress and standing, yet we can’t seem to get out of our own way at times, which is infuriating and debilitating.

But thankfully, the story never really ends for Detroit. At least not yet anyway. We’re still standing, warts and glaring faults and all. And you can forget the recent glory stories about our renaissance because we don’t really need ‘em to validate us.

We know who we are. And we know that the perception isn’t often favorable. And we get that. But still there’s an exuberance and spirit here that no trendy Super Bowl ad can ever capture.

It’s a Detroit thing, or if you must, a Dee-troit thing. And we’re proud of what that means.

As Paul Simon so eloquently put it once in Papa Hobo:

It's carbon and monoxide
The ole Detroit perfume
And it hangs on the highways
In the morning
And it lays you down by noon

Detroit, Detroit
Got a hell of a hockey team
Got a left-handed way
Of making a man sign up on that
Automotive dream, oh yeah...

Mr. Simon probably had no idea as to the truth of what he was writing at least as this town is concerned, but he did manage to stumble upon the state of mind that defines us.  (“The Deal on Detroit.” 10/12/11)

First of all Marchionne will grossly underestimate what it will take to make an impact in this market in terms of marketing and advertising, as is his wont, so Alfa Romeo will stumble right out of the gate. (In case you’re wondering, a proper “Dead Zone” launch requires an investment of at least $200-$300 million in marketing. Sergio will no doubt scoff at the figure and try to do it on the cheap, and Sergio will watch as his “85,000 Alfas in 2014” prediction goes down in flames too.)

Secondly, there will be launch problems because there are always launch problems. That means that what little Alfa product shows up in 2013 will be late, and if product flow is just a trickle by the spring of 2014, watch out. If the dealers are apoplectic now, what will they be like then?

And finally, much of the overly inflated expectations for Alfa Romeo might have been kept in check if Sergio could only have dialed down the bluster and braggadocio by about two thirds. But he just can’t help himself. He’s the smartest guy in the room (just ask him) by half and he knows what’s best, whether he actually does or not. (“Braggadocio, Bluster and a “Dead Zone” launch custom made for Alfa Romeo.” 10/19/11)

“Chevy Runs Deep” won’t work globally. It barely works here. Goodby, Silverstein & Partners, Chevrolet’s ad agency of record in the U.S., a position they’re expected to keep despite the global review (as we like to say around here, “we’ll see”), has tried extremely hard to “seed” the line in the American consumer consciousness, but they’ve succeeded only inconsistently and at best, intermittently.

Part of the reason for that is that the work itself has been inconsistent and only intermittently stellar. The bigger issue is that “Chevy Runs Deep” has always come off as a positioning line to me (in agency speak a line that an ad agency is given to work against while doing their creative executions, but not the one to be actually used). This happens in advertising all the time, but it seems to happen in automotive advertising quite a lot. Too much, in fact.

I am absolutely convinced that’s why Chevrolet’s advertising has been so inconsistent. “Chevy Runs Deep” is either too limiting or it doesn’t speak to the true essence of Chevrolet enough, take your pick. And that’s an unfortunate dichotomy. When it works, it seems to work more for those predisposed to liking Chevrolet, or at least those who know what a Chevy is to begin with and have a memory of one.

When it doesn’t work? It’s an exercise in ambivalence, akin to sitting at a railroad crossing watching a freight train go by, and only occasionally noticing a few of the cars because of their more interesting paint schemes. That’s clearly not going to cut it when it comes to major league advertising, and it’s especially problematic when you’re trying to establish a global presence for a brand. (“GM Marketing's tall order: Taking Chevy global.” 10/26/11)

Editor’s Note: To say that Peter has lived a charmed and at times crazy automotive life is an understatement. The son of Tony De Lorenzo, the legendary GM PR chief who ruled from 1957 to 1979 – GM’s glory days – Peter was exposed to the business and the legends of the business from a young age. As he likes to say, “The legends that you read about in books today were either hanging out in our driveway or interacting with our family all the time.” People like Bunkie Knudsen, Ed Cole, Bill Mitchell and Zora Arkus-Duntov, just to name a few, and there were countless others as well. But that is just one dimension to Peter’s automotive life. Today, in light of the 100^th Anniversary of Chevrolet, Peter reminisces about another one of those dimensions, some of his favorite stories involving the famous bowtie brand. - WG

It has been interesting to read all of the articles about Chevrolet and its 100^th Anniversary over the last couple of weeks. Chevrolet the brand, like Ford, its arch competitor across town, has been inexorably linked to the American fabric for a century. Regurgitating what has already been written is something I won’t do. But shedding light on my own Chevy stories is something I can do. Following are just a few of them.

The first Chevy. I distinctly remember standing next to our loaded ’58 Chevrolet Impala (painted in Anniversary Gold), in the driveway of our home in Flint, when a Boeing 707 flew low over the city for the very first time. A spectacular sight to say the least, as it was the first jet-engine aircraft I had ever seen, or heard. And the Impala? It wasn’t as spectacular as the 707, but it was pretty hot at the time. I’m pretty sure the “Anniversary Gold” color had something to do with GM’s 50^th Anniversary, which was celebrated in Flint for a week in grand style culminating in a full-blown parade through downtown. The after party that my parents had for GM execs and dignitaries, the media, and every celebrity of note who attended the anniversary festivities was something else, with a diverse group of characters such as Guy Williams (the actor who played “Zorro” on the popular Disney TV show at the time), Henry Calvin, the actor who played Sergeant Garcia on “Zorro” (in his costume uniform), the reigning Miss America, Marilyn Van Durber, and the famous rocket scientist Dr. Wernher von Braun in attendance, just to name a few. But then that party’s a story for another column.

The first Corvette. We had moved to suburban Detroit between Christmas and New Year’s in 1959 and my deep immersion in all things automotive began. It was “all cars, all the time” and my passion for everything to do with cars took hold, fueled by the constant parade of the latest GM cars in our driveway and by the fact that my older brother Tony was well and truly immersed in a car jones of his own that was already taking on prodigious proportions. But the first Corvette I remember was the white with red ’61 that was dropped-off one summer for a few days at the house. My oldest sister and her beau at the time tooled around in it all weekend. I was mesmerized by it. And during those sizzling hot summer nights over that memorable weekend I could hear that guttural V8 rumble all the way to the main thoroughfare nearby, before it changed to that unmistakable carbureted moan as it accelerated and faded off in the distance.

Mr. Mitchell’s neighborhood. To say that the ‘50s and ‘60s were a different era in automotive history is not painting a proper picture of just how different it was. Detroit was much more of a freewheeling mindset back then. Car executives were bold, decisive, conniving, creative and power-hungry personalities who inevitably went with their gut instincts – which could end up being either a recipe for disaster or a huge runaway sales hit on the streets. The only committees you'd find back then were the finance committees – and they never got near the design, engineering, marketing or even the advertising unless there was some sort of a problem. These Car Kings worked flat-out and they partied flat-out, too, ruling their fiefdoms with iron fists while wielding their power ruthlessly at times to get what they wanted – and rightly so in their minds – as they were some of the most powerful business executives on earth. In short, it was a world that was 180 degrees different from what goes on today.

No one represented the spirit of the business more than Bill Mitchell, GM’s chief of design, or “styling” as it was called back then. Mitchell was bold, powerful, flamboyant, recalcitrant, maniacal, brilliant, frustrating and probably every other adjective you can think of for someone who was one of a kind. He was smart enough to know and he had the innate sense to understand that he had inherited the legacy of the great Harley Earl, and he never for a second forgot that fact – or let anyone else forget it either. And he played it for all it was worth with a swagger and strut that haven't been seen in this town since. He often bumped heads with the "suits" down at the corporation when they didn't "get" one of his design recommendations – but he usually won the battles and got his way in the end.

Having heard countless firsthand stories about the man and his ballistic fits in the styling studios while cajoling his troops to go further and reach higher, I can shed light on a slightly different side to him too. Because, after all, he lived just a block away from our house.

And I'll never forget the day I discovered that fact...

I was still in my bike-riding days back then, but I remember resting with my buddies one blistering Friday afternoon on a corner in our neighborhood after a long, hot day of riding around aimlessly – we did that often back then – when we heard a rumble and roar coming from off in the distance. I knew right away that it wasn't motorcycles and that it was more than one of whatever it was – and just then a pack of the most stunning cars we'd ever seen burst around the corner and came rumbling right past us – the sun glinting off the barking pipes and the canopy of trees shimmering off the perfect mirror finishes of the paint jobs.

This horsepower train was led by the "original" Corvette Stingray in Silver, followed by the XP700 Corvette (a "bubble-top" show car with side pipes also in Silver – it was Mitchell's favorite color), the first Mako Shark Corvette and a concept called the Corvair Sebring Spyder (also in Silver), a wild racing-inspired show car with dual cut-down racing windscreens and three pipes curling out and around each side in the back. They were so loud we couldn't even hear ourselves screaming whatever it was we were screaming, but after a split second to think about it, we took off, pedaling our guts out after them. It was apparent that these machines were heading for our part of the neighborhood – and as we tried to keep them in sight I realized they were turning on to my cross street...

We came around the corner and saw them pull into a driveway, exactly one block from my house. We stopped right at the end of the driveway with our mouths agape down to the asphalt, as the drivers of the other cars handed the keys to the driver of the Stingray and he took them up to the front door where a woman collected them. Then, an Impala pulled up and the four men got in it and were gone, leaving the cars sitting in the driveway all lined up ticking and spitting as their pipes started to cool.

This became the Friday Afternoon Ritual of the summer – at least when Bill Mitchell was in town.

Ed Cole’s 409 Chevy company car. One weekend Ed Cole sent over his personal company car at the time for us to use – a white with blue 409 Impala SS with 4-speed manual gearbox. The story was that it was a prototype of the production car, and the only other 409 Chevy in existence was in “Dyno Don” Nicholson’s hands at the NHRA Winternationals. We spent the weekend cleaning everyone’s clock on Woodward Avenue in Cole’s toy.

The ’62 PR Corvette. GM PR had a white/black ’62 Corvette in its fleet and it sat pretty much underutilized, that is until my brother got home from school for the summer. After that it was permanently attached to our driveway every weekend. Just a 300HP, 4-speed model but still, it was the first of many memorable “Corvette Summers.”

The ’62 Corvair. We had an early Corvair Monza Spyder Coupe in red with black that was tweaked by Bill Mitchell with the addition of a narrow white racing stripe (bordered by two thin stripes) that ran down the center of the car. The stripes were painted on. It also had the soon-to-be-available turbocharged engine, long before the public even knew it was coming. I recall that we took it to the Detroit Dragway at the time and the tech inspectors didn't want to let us run it in a "stock" class because of the turbo. We convinced them that it was a factory prototype and they let us run it anyway. Thus began my infatuation with the Corvair. 

The ‘63 Stingray. One of my most memorable Chevrolet moments occured when Ed Cole lent us his personal driver, again, for a weekend. This time it was a brand-new ’63 Fuel-injected Corvette Stingray Coupe in gleaming Silver – with every high-performance option – just a couple of days after the car’s official introduction to the media. Except no one had seen one in metro Detroit at the time so needless to say, it caused quite a stir, literally stopping traffic and drawing hordes of followers everywhere we went. I maintain that no car has made the impression that the Stingray did upon its introduction. It was a singular moment in automotive history and a magnificently sensational car for the ages. And it still is.

The ’63 Corvair Sebring Spyder and the original Stingray racer. Once I got the Friday Afternoon Ritual down pat, I would case out Bill Mitchell’s driveway to see what cars were delivered for his amusement. Then, early Saturday morning I would ride my bike over to his house and basically camp in his driveway inspecting every inch of the machines in repose there, waiting for Mitchell to emerge. One Saturday morning Mitchell came out and said to me “hop in” for a ride up to the local drug store in the Corvair Sebring Spyder. Painted red originally, that day the Spyder was painted in mirror-like silver, sort of like a junior Stingray. The run up to the drugstore took 15 minutes, start-to-finish. But from that moment on I was neck-deep in the automotive “thing” and over a couple of year’s time I got to ride in every significant GM styling concept car of that era, including the original Stingray racer, which to this day is my all-time favorite car.

The Black ’64 Stingray Coupe. The summer of ’64 changed everything. My brother decided to go to SCCA driver’s school (unbeknownst to our parents) and he talked my dad into ordering a loaded black-on-black ’64 Fuel-injected Stingray coupe just for the summer. It had every heavy-duty option on it and when Zora got word that it was destined to go to “Tony’s boy” he massaged and tweaked it and threw a set of Goodyear Blue Streak racing tires on it for good measure. But before he gave it back to us he sent it over to Bill Mitchell’s personal GM Styling technician, a brilliant fabricator named Ken Eschebach, who rigged a set of hangers and straight pipes so that the muffler’s would be easily removable once we arrived at Watkins Glen. It worked like gangbusters but we were so tired after the school that my brother decided we’d just drive it back from New York with the straight pipes on it. Needles to say it was loud, but we relished every single moment of it.

The Cobra vs. Corvette Weekend. After the Watkins Glen adventure, reality set in. The black ’64 Stingray Coupe would have to be put back together so the car could be sold. The roll bar was removed, we put the interior bits back in it and we basically had a beautiful, badass Stingray to play with for the rest of the summer. We had started getting Shelby Cobras to drive from Ford, and for one memorable weekend we had our Stingray along with a brand new silver Shelby Cobra. My brother had his college roommate in town plus a few hangers on, and we staged our own Corvette vs. Cobra shootout over the entire weekend, roaring around town in a freight train of horsepower. I thought it couldn’t and wouldn’t get better than that. I was wrong. And for the record, I could write a column about our Ford exploits that would be just as much fun as this one. And I might, one day. (A sad note to this story? The Black '64 Corvette Stingray Coupe was sold to a friend of my sister's who lived in Chicago. He took delivery of it here and drove it back. It was stolen and stripped three nights later.)

Dolly Cole’s ’65 Corvette Stingray. Dolly Cole was the firecracker wife of Ed. She was beautiful, smart and sexy, and she loved to go fast. Ed put together a ’65 Stingray roadster for her that was electric blue with a white interior and it also had the factory side pipes. Oh, and one more thing, it had the first pre-production 396 cu. in. big block Chevy engine in it, months before introduction. Dolly called it her “Bluebird” and the only person she let drive it outside of her family was my brother. We had the blistering fast “Bluebird” over several weekends, including the one where we drove it, a red Shelby Cobra, and a GT350 Shelby Mustang down to South Bend for a little car show that was set-up by my brother and friends at the University of Notre Dame. That “little” car show marked the infamous public debut of the Corvette Grand Sport Roadster that no one knew existed. All we knew before that was that Zora told Tony that he would send something down to the show. When they opened up the trailer from GM and that now priceless Corvette racing icon emerged, the automotive world stopped.

The ’65 Corvair. After my brother graduated, he was slated to do an internship in New York City. My dad thought that a Corvair would be a perfectly sensible, practical car for my brother and normally it would have been, but by then the racing bug had fully taken over. We took possession of the Corvair on a Friday afternoon and by Saturday evening the interior had been stripped, a roll bar and other safety equipment had been installed and it was nearly ready to go SCCA racing in “A” Sedan. We raced it on and off for two years.

The ’67 L88 Roadster. With the racing bug well and fully engaged, my brother got the notion to race a Corvette. A serious Corvette. Hanley Dawson was a friend of our dad’s and a noted Chevy dealer in Detroit. We decided to pitch Hanley about not only ordering a Corvette, but to sponsor it as well. When the black roadster arrived at Hanley Dawson Chevrolet, it was one of the first “L88” Corvettes produced (of 20 total that year). In one weekend we removed the windshield from the magnificent beast, fabricated a cut-down wind screen, affixed a set of OK Kustom headers and side pipes on it, installed a roll bar and the other safety stuff and it was ready to race. And yes, Zora made sure the engine was up to snuff before it was even delivered to the dealership. You can see the car here. 

The rest, as they say, is history. To make a long story short, Tony went on to reestablish the Corvette name on the racetracks of America and in international GT events at Daytona, Sebring and Watkins Glen. At one point his famed Owens Corning Corvette Racing Team won 22 races in a row, with Tony and his partner Jerry Thompson (a Chevrolet engineer) finishing 1-2 14 times, including nine first-place finishes for Tony.

The Flying ’67 Camaro. While my older sister was out of town I took her electric blue Camaro SS out, as I often did. As a matter of fact I was an experienced driver two years before I was due to get my license. I would regularly take out our cars, as the house was often empty due to my parents’ travel commitments and such. Developing the racing bug of my own, I would especially relish taking the Camaro out after a fresh coat of snow at night so I could slide it around the neighborhood with abandon. My schoolmates heard of these exploits and wanted to see a glimpse of this, so one day after school they followed me though one of my “tracks,” which was an area where new homes were being built that I knew well. As you can imagine, things didn’t work out as planned. I went barreling into a turn, only to discover that it was covered with mud. With zero grip, I slid wide and hit a giant mound of dirt square on, which launched the car in the air. All my buddies recall seeing was the bottom of the Camaro as it disappeared over the dirt pile. The car was only slightly damaged, (we made up some story while it was being fixed down at Hanley Dawson Chevrolet), but my sister wasn’t completely fooled. She knew something wasn’t right. We didn’t notice until later that the body shop put the wrong front valance panel on the car. That Camaro had hideaway headlights. The valance panel was for a Camaro with fixed headlights. We never said a word.

The ’68 Z28 Camaro. One May weekend a red with black ’68 Z28 Camaro arrived in our driveway and that car was just a blast. I spent the whole weekend running it as hard as it would go, and it never faltered and never wavered. It was just a high-revving beast with a bad attitude. I had two memorable encounters on Woodward Avenue with a classmate (a Ford exec’s son) who had a 390 cu. in. Mustang. We stayed even up until about 60 mph but then the Z28 took over and just disappeared. I loved every moment with that car and to this day that first-generation car is my favorite Camaro

The ’69 L88 Roadster. With the racing thing dominating everything, there was thought given to producing Tony De Lorenzo “signature” Corvettes. So we ordered a full-on black ’69 Corvette L88 roadster to do just that. We even had it displayed at the 1969 Detroit Auto Show as the “Daytona GT.” That plan never panned out because the racing took precedence over everything, but I got to “exercise” that car on the streets and byways around the Motor City. And it was fantastic. You can read more about it here.

My ’69 Corvair. Having been a fan of Corvairs almost from the beginning, I got a red ’69 Coupe with the 140HP engine and 4-speed as my driver. Within a day of having it I bolted on a set of exhaust headers from that famous gear head bible – the J.C. Whitney catalog – that I had ordered the previous week. The most memorable thing about it? It would shoot blue flames out the pipes when it was warming up.

The Run to Mid-Ohio in the ’70 Corvette LT1 Roadster. A friend of ours who was just getting started with his own racing bug had a “Yenko Stinger” Corvair down at Mid-Ohio, but he had a problem and made a frantic call to see if anyone could rustle up the critical part that he needed to continue racing. I answered the call, and I enlisted a good friend of ours to ride down there with me. At the time I had a “borrowed” white with red Corvette LT1 Roadster from Chevrolet, and we left at 9:00 p.m. and made it down there by 11:30, hammering it the whole way. We handed-over the part to our friend, exchanged pleasantries in the motel parking lot, and then turned right around five minutes later and headed straight back, going flat-out whenever we could. It was a classic high-speed run.

The 2011 Camaro Indy Pace car. Last May, thanks to a gracious, spur-of-the-moment invitation from some of my old friends at Chevrolet, I found myself buckled in the backseat of the lead Camaro SS at the head of the field for the parade lap before the start of the Indianapolis 500. And I must tell you, when you hear Mari Hulman George say, "Ladies and Gentlemen, start your engines" and you hear those racing engines firing up right behind you on the track, well, I can barely even begin to describe the feeling. Short of being strapped-in to one of the Indy cars rolling off the grid, the adrenaline rush was palpable and intense, much more than I expected, in fact. After all, when you're right there, on the track at the head of the field for the biggest race in the world it is simply mind-blowing and I was determined to savor every second of it.

And when we started accelerating out on our flying parade lap the sight and sound were almost incomprehensible. You hear Indy drivers talk about how race day is different at The Speedway because of all the people, but I had no idea what they were talking about until I experienced it for myself. The People. Oh my goodness, the people. Jammed into the grandstands as far as you could see. And when we came through Turn 1 and started to accelerate away toward Turn 2 the cheering from the crowd rose-up and swallowed us whole, completely drowning out any noise associated with riding in a convertible at 100+ mph. It was incredible.

As we passed the suites outside of Turn 2 and headed down the back stretch, it was only then that I had a chance to catch my breath and say to myself, "Am I really doing this? Is this really happening?" Oh, it definitely was and I made sure I was in the moment, believe me. And when we approached Turn 3, the buffeting from the wind in the Camaro SS convertible was overwhelmed again by the huge roar from the crowd. But then nothing, I mean nothing prepared me for the sight going through the short chute into Turn 4 and looking down the main straightaway of the Indianapolis Motor Speedway on race day. It was simply the most magnificent sight I've ever experienced in my life. And as we roared down the straightaway in front of the huge main grandstands you couldn't hear a thing, the noise from the crowd simply drowned-out everything. It was absolutely fantastic. And then it was over. We peeled off on to the apron in Turn 1 only to have a razor-sharp brrraaap jolt us as Mario Andretti blasted by in the two-seater promotional IndyCar, followed by A.J. Foyt in the Pace Car and the entire field of 33 cars. As far as once-in-a-lifetime experiences go for a hard-core racing enthusiast like myself, I would say that this pretty much did me in. And it really doesn't need to be said but I'll say it again anyway. Indy? There's simply nothing else like it.

Oh, there’s more. Much more. I have many, many other Chevy stories that will have to wait for some other opportunity. There was the Day-Glo orange ’70 Chevy van that I used for my various band gigs, there was the time I was enlisted (gladly) to drive a pre-production C5 Corvette for a Chevy catalog shoot on a tiny oval in Arizona, countless other racing-related stories, including our buddy and his NHRA champion Corvair, the ’69 SS 396 Chevelle that I flogged for a weekend, and on and on and on.

But that will have to do for now because after all, the best stories are always the next ones. (“Chevy Stories.” 11/2/11)

Is there something wrong with profitability? Absolutely not. It’s why companies are in it, ultimately. That and winning, of course. But there are two ways to arrive at that profitability. The right way, and the wrong way.

The wrong way is to lose your focus, churn out products that lack integrity and aren’t true to your mission, and push for short-term profits above everything else. The companies that choose that path – as Toyota has so painfully found out – suffer deep consequences for their shortsightedness and loss of focus.

The right way is to build outstanding machines, first and foremost. Vehicles that bristle with leading-edge design and exceptional, innovative engineering that are built with integrity and just the right amount of connectivity. Vehicles attuned to customers’ needs and wants yet imbued with the manufacturer’s personality and above all else are flat-out fun to drive.

The companies that do it the right way will win and make boatloads of cash. As it should be. (“Toyota becomes a cautionary tale, but are the other manufacturers paying attention?” 11/9/11)

Scything through the torrents of rain strafing the windshield with machine gun-like bursts, the distinctive and guttural moan of the 400HP flat-six urging me forward at triple-digit speed, I found myself hurtling through the gathering Southern California darkness in Porsche's new-generation 911, wondering if this car was indeed worthy of the passion and the obsession. Worthy of the iconic status. Worthy of the almost obligatory accolades that were sure to follow upon its introduction. Worthy of the mantle of greatness that has been bestowed on just a very few machines throughout automotive history.In short, I was in search of the new 911's soul. (“In search of the new 911's soul.” 11/16/11)

Get over the whole “exclusive” Fiat dealer bit. Marchionne & Co. blew this and now it’s going to get u-g-l-y before they’ll be able to fix it. U-g-l-y because they’re going to have to make the 500 available for sale at Chrysler-Dodge-Jeep dealers immediately. U-g-l-y because once they decide to do that they’ll have to compensate the exclusive Fiat dealers who shelled out serious cash to buy into Sergio’s “vision” for the brand. And u-g-l-y because if they don’t get the volume of the 500 up and enhance the presence of the Fiat brand in this market, then they’re setting the table for failure when their new, make-or-break compact car comes out next spring.

And right there is the entire deal for the grand experiment called Fiat-Chrysler. The new Fiat-Chrysler compact based on Alfa Romeo underpinnings will have to be a solid competitor to the Chevrolet Cruze, Ford Focus, et al right out of the gate, because if it isn’t, then it’s back to selling Jeeps and Ram trucks, and even Sergio knows that’s not going to cut it forever. So, we shall see, won’t we? (“Fixing Fiat.” 11/23/11)

Sure, now Daimler’s Dieter Zetsche is trumpeting the fact that Mercedes-Benz will get back to being Mercedes-Benz and that without the diversion of resources to Maybach they will be able to focus on their core brand, but I’ve heard this song before from Uncle Dieter. And it doesn’t ring true.

These people don’t get it. And they haven’t gotten it for a long, long time. They’re stuck in a toxic time warp of past triumphs and glories, telling themselves that “it won’t be long now!” before it all comes right and that the good ‘ol days are just around the corner again.

Funny, but I heard the same thing from the “old” GM not that many years ago too. Needless to say, that didn’t exactly work out for them, now did it?

That Daimler executives would squander their once-unimpeachable brand and brand legacy is really no surprise to me. I’ve said it before and I’ll probably say it again before I stop writing and producing Autoextremist.com, but never have so many done so little with so much.

The Maybach leaves the stage as a cautionary tale and a painful reminder to Daimler that the clock is ticking on their own mortality as well if they can’t get their proverbial act together. As we like to say around here, Not Good. (“The Brand Blunder of this young century.” 11/30/11)

Even the most casual observer of this industry has by now heard about the “crisis” with GM’s Chevrolet Volt. The car is spontaneously catching on fire. It’s blowing up the Internet. It’s causing force fields of electronic doom to rain down upon us in an unprecedented reprisal for our dependence on technology. It’s responsible for the BCS quagmire in college football. It made Herman Cain quit the presidential race. It’s single-handedly changing the configuration of the polar ice caps, etc., etc.

The Volt is responsible for none of the aforementioned items, of course, but in the hysteria that comes with the around-the-clock insanity that defines our instantaneously connected world these days, it might as well be.

But beyond all of that, just what is the Chevrolet Volt, exactly? And what does all of this mean?

I consider the Volt to be a dramatic foray into advanced propulsion technology and a singular technological achievement. The Volt would have been an impressive statement by any automaker in the world, but the fact that the True Believers at GM pulled it off under duress and in a hyper-accelerated timeline during the darkest days of the run-up to and through bankruptcy makes the accomplishment all that much more impressive.

Were there bound to be some start-up problems with the technology? Absolutely. But for the most part the Volt has been remarkably free of a lot of the issues that normally burden new product programs. Except for one giant issue, that is. The batteries, after severe crashes, might be – and let me repeat that – might be prone to catching fire quite a while after the fact. Note that this has nothing to do with the following statement: “Chevy Volts spontaneously combust while driving!” But it is an issue that has to be addressed and is being addressed right now.

And, as always, there is context with all of this that must be mentioned as well.

In this country’s headlong rush to embrace advanced “green” technology – rammed through all normal channels of rational thought and perspective by egregiously naïve politicians in Washington and Northern California – the fact of the matter is that this whole “electrification of the automobile” notion is fraught with peril and hindered regularly by the great unknown. The idea that advancements in automobile battery technology would come in bunches and that we’d see remarkable, jaw-dropping improvements on the order of the explosion in computer technology and such was a nice dream to hang on to if you were a rabid idealist who graduated from the “finger snap” school of contemporary thought. But it wasn’t realistic in the least.

(Oh, you know the types, by the way. The ones who regularly chastise the automobile industry for being responsible for all of mankind’s problems both real and imagined. The ones who are absolutely convinced that all of the issues associated with developing durable, affordable and bulletproof battery technology and the accompanying hardware and software that goes with it are just a snap of the finger away and the world will take on a lovely green hue once all of these problems get solved overnight. And it goes without saying, of course, that none of this is even remotely true.)

The technology involved in vehicle electrification is massively complicated and involved. And development of the technology, though racing along at a feverish pace, is coming up far short of the pipe dream schedule imagined by the green intelligentsia. And since that group is painfully unaware of what goes into designing, engineering and producing a contemporary automobile, it is completely understandable that they wouldn’t have a shred of a clue as to how much more complicated that task is once you add the electrification component to it.

Saying all of this then, there’s still an issue that needs to be solved with the Volt battery packs that have been placed under duress in a severe crash. Will it get solved? I have no doubt that it will. After all, every bit of electric vehicle technology being developed right now affects the entire industry, so it’s not only important to the future of the Volt, it’s important to the future of the entire global electric vehicle industry that this issue is solved once and for all.

But after all of the hand wringing, where does that leave the Volt itself?

Though the Chevrolet Volt is a technological marvel and an excellent driving machine, and GM has staked the entire reputation of the company on its integrity and near-seamless performance, the fallout from the initial “Volts catch fire” barrage in the all-consuming communication jungle we exist in today has been damaging.

It didn’t help, of course, that this story has been percolating behind the scenes since last summer, and the media has pounced on that fact. And it also didn’t help that GM’s response to the news was slightly scattered and disjointed when the news broke.

GM Public Relations jumped on the image-wrangling bit immediately in order to get out in front of the story in a page right out of the classic PR 101 “managing a potential disaster” handbook, but in some respects they were a bit premature because it became readily apparent that not everyone was on the same page.

GM’s North American president Mark Reuss insisted at a hastily called media conference that the integrity of the Volt wasn’t compromised due to the issue, and Reuss was and is dead right of course. There is nothing wrong with the integrity, safety and over-the-road performance of the Volt. There is an issue about the proper protocol to depower the batteries after a severe crash, however. And again, it was being addressed.

But then CEO Dan Akerson stepped in it by making an off-the cuff comment to the media a few days later suggesting that the company might have to “fix” the batteries. Akerson's comments added to the confusion and revealed his general lack of awareness about dealing with the media.

This has been a pattern on Akerson’s part since he came on board at GM, unfortunately. It was one thing, however, to make boneheaded statements in general about the business and his knowledge (or lack thereof) of it early on in interviews. Those were a little loopy and laughable and provided amusing fodder for discussions behind the scenes in the business. But it was quite another when Akerson’s Volt comments were not only totally premature, but unnecessary as well. With the Volt image on the line this was serious, make or break stuff, and Akerson’s comments were wildly inappropriate and didn’t help. As a matter of fact they hurt GM’s image-wrangling cause immeasurably.

Reuss should have been the point person on the Volt. Period. And Akerson should have been unavailable. But, it didn’t unfold that way, so GM will be dealing with this for a while.

Is the image of the Chevrolet Volt compromised? In the short term, yes, of course it is. GM has been very clear all along that the Volt is the tip of the company’s technological spear and now the Volt’s reputation has been called into question. Unfairly for the most part, but that’s the painful reality for the denizens of the RenCen nonetheless.

And let’s not forget the other component in all of this, too, and that is the fact that the Volt is the cornerstone of hundreds of millions of dollars in media spending for the Chevrolet division as well. So, this negative development is huge and GM marketing and PR types are going to have to be persistent and relentless in trying to re-build the Volt’s image and reputation.

Will it be easy? No. Far from it, in fact. The relentless 24/7 Connected Circus we live in today has already declared the Volt dead and buried and has moved on to the newest controversy looming around the next corner.

But the Volt does have many things going for it. It delivers what it promises, for one, which in this day and age is actually saying something. And the Volt is an exemplary example of advanced, extended-range electric mobility that fits the needs of many – not all – but many consumers all across the country.

Visionary ideas and concepts always seem to pay the price for being ahead of the curve at some point, whether they originate from people, or companies.

GM is now paying the price for being immersed in the development of advanced electric vehicle technology. Lessons are learned at times predictably, but at other times they’re learned unexpectedly and unpredictably.

GM will survive its latest turn in the barrel. And so will the Volt. (“Volt hysteria: Why image and perception are everything.” 12/7/11)

As I said a year ago, I’m not looking for Honda to build over-the-top and overpriced offerings for Acura at every turn. I am, however, looking for each and every Acura model that hits the street to offer a level of distinctive driving differentiation and appeal that you just can’t get in the Honda showroom, or anywhere else, for that matter.

And the message I’m hearing from Acura executives is that’s notgonnahappen. It’s not even close to happening, in fact.

Showing up and being present and accounted for isn’t going to cut it for Acura, but that’s exactly what they’re hell-bent on doing. And I don’t get it. Mediocrity isn’t bliss. And there are legions of car executives and car companies that have learned that painful lesson the hardest way possible.

Acura - and Honda - need to make us believe that they actually have a pulse instead of confirming our suspicions that they’re receding into a black hole while becoming something unrecognizable and unfathomable, akin to a mewling morass of mediocrity masquerading as a real car company. (“Acura takes dead aim... at mediocrity.” 12/14/11)

If you’ve been sitting there reading this column in one sitting I pity you, because it was meant to be digested over several visits, not all at once. That said, I am not finished quite yet.

We drove a lot of interesting machines this past year that deserve mention. We had an impressive week with an Audi S4 6-speed with winter tires that was just mind-boggling in its composure – and speed – over any surface thrown at it. Needless to say Audi has it goin’ on, but more on that brand later.

The Fiat 500 came up short in our review. It was just lacking on too many levels. As I've said previously the 500 is a cute little car that will attract the first-on-the-block types in droves, but cute isn't enough. Will it become the foundation for a brand powerhouse like BMW has with the MINI? In a word, no. Will it successfully re-launch Fiat in this country? I'm not sure it has the legs to do even do that. Call me underwhelmed.

The Jaguar XJL was more interesting than I thought it would be and WordGirl enjoyed it a lot, but there are just too many choices in that category before I’d consider the aircraft-carrier-sized Jag.

The Ford Focus SEL and Chevrolet Cruze LTZ were indeed very impressive, signaling for the first time that the Domestic Two can build competent compact cars. And the Chevy Sonic LTZ was a shockingly appealing package as well.

We found the GMC Acadia Denali to be troubling for GM in a weird way. It’s so well executed that if there were a Cadillac version planned, as we’ve heard, then it would have to be over the top to beat out the Acadia. GM may have reduced the number of their divisions, but they’re still having problems with in-market intramural clashes. Not so good, but the Acadia Denali is a first-rate package.

The MINI Cooper S Countryman ALL4 caught me off guard in that I liked it far more than I expected I would, but it wasn’t a MINI to me and I would have loved to see it re-packaged in another brand’s skin. The same goes for the Nissan Juke. As a matter of fact if the Juke were to be wrapped in a new set of clothes provided by BMW and called the second coming of the 2002 for the modern era, it would not disappoint. It was that good and that much fun to drive.

Being forever a Mercedes girl, the Mercedes-Benz E550 was WordGirl’s clear favorite. As she succinctly put it, “One thing about Mercedes, however - you always know you're in a Benz - the way it sounds, the way it smells, the way it feels. It's indulgent but not over the top - a perfect daily driver and an awesome road-trip vehicle.”

Me? I loved the Camaro SS Convertible 6-speed, calling it, “… an eloquent rebuttal to those who actually think that high performance is dead, or that high-performance motoring is a thing of the past. It's fast, it's fun, it's unapologetically raucous and it's exactly what the Doctor ordered for whatever ails you. Get one while you still know the difference, put your foot in it, and let out a big sigh as it magically clears your head. And don't thank me. Thank the True Believers at GM who still get it.”

And I loved the Porsche Boxster S, because when they put their minds to it nobody, and I mean nobody does sports cars better than Porsche. The Boxster and its hardtop sibling, the Cayman, remain superbly balanced machines that define what high-performance motoring should feel like.

But the two cars that stood out this year for completely different reasons were the Chevrolet Volt and the Audi A7. There's just something about the Volt that we found to be tremendously appealing, and when you factor in the story behind it and the incredible effort that went into this machine in order to bring it to fruition, and what it represents in terms of The Future of our transportation choices, well then it's even more impressive.

But the Audi A7 3.0 TFSI quattro Tiptronic Sedan that we had was simply the best all-around car we drove all year. As I said in my review: I hate to add on to the "me-too" chorus of huzzahs! aimed Audi's way, but there's no denying that the A7 is simply superb from nose to tail and at this point in time it is the State of the Automotive Art. As I said last year, “Audi is relentlessly focused and confident in its mission, it is building great cars – beautiful machines that bristle with passion and engineering ingenuity – finished off with precision and executed flawlessly down to the last detail.” And none of that has changed. The Audi A7 hits all of the worthwhile marks and it does so with a style and panache unlike anything else in this market, which is why it is our 2011 Autoextremist Car of the Year.

Speaking of Audi, this star of the VW Empire is smokin’ hot right now. Its products are lust-worthy, its product execution has been near flawless and its marketing has been laser-focused and on-target. (Well, at least a good bit of it anyway. Some of it has been flat-out annoying but no one bats a thousand in this business when it comes to marketing. Not even close, in fact.)

Be that as it may, what Audi is doing isn’t easy by any stretch. Ask any executive in this business worth talking to and they will tell you how much they admire Audi. Why? For all of the aforementioned reasons plus they know how difficult it is to be part of a car company that’s on such a roll like Audi is. Really? Do you mean it’s not all bunny rabbits and rainbows and an easy walk in the park? No. It is supremely difficult to demonstrate the kind of focused consistency it takes to succeed like Audi, because everyone wants more.

How so? Executives at Audi headquarters in Germany want more, because they always do. More sales, more profit. More. And the dealers want more, because they always do too. Combine that with the fact that it’s so easy to screw-up momentum and lose focus, that leading a car company like Audi can be much more of a challenge than running one that’s relentlessly mediocre. Johan de Nysschen, the president of Audi of America, does a superb job in balancing all of the needs of his constituencies while keeping Audi grounded and focused and on plan, which is why he’s the 2011 Autoextremist Auto Executive of the Year.

So here we are. What do I expect in 2012?

More product wins for the Domestic Two. Both Ford and GM will have some big-time hits this year. Watch for Ford to come out of the gate hard in the spring with the new Escape, which will prove to be a hot commodity. And watch as the new Fusion, which will be revealed formally to the public in Detroit in a few weeks, redefines the segment and is nothing short of a grand slam home run. It’s that good.

As for Lincoln, a new MKZ concept will be revealed in Detroit and it will signal exactly where Lincoln is headed. And contrary to a lot of pundits out there I expect great things for Ford’s luxury division, and I expect Lincoln to make a lot of noise in the market (yes, the good kind) in the fourth quarter.

GM is going to continue to make the good kind of product noise, too, as long as they stay focused, and I’m confident that Mark Reuss will make sure everyone, at least on the product side, does exactly that (as long as Dan Akerson doesn’t start playing product guru, that is). The new Camaro ZL1, though aimed at a limited audience, will be a milestone car, just as Ford’s King Kong Shelby GT500 will be. And I fully expect that the Cadillac XTS, even though the keyboard-dented wretches of the media have already proclaimed it as being forgettable, is going to be a solid hit. There are plenty of people, real car-buying people no less, who are looking for a larger American luxury car, and once the XTS hits the street – it has real design presence on the road – I think Cadillac will do well with it.

The big questions for GM are: Will the Volt overcome its misinformed detractors and carve out a permanent place in the market? Will Buick really come in to its own with the American consumer public? Will Chevrolet continue its momentum thanks to its impressive small cars and the all-new Impala that’s on its way? Will the C7 Corvette emerge to be more than just a step on the way to the C8? Or will it be just that and only that? Will Joel Ewanick keep GM’s marketing focused and on target? And will he be able to eliminate or at least rein-in the glaring inconsistencies that continue to plague the creative work?

As for Fiat-Chrysler, 2012 is crunch time. After dining on products that were long in the pipeline before Sergio Marchionne arrived in Auburn Hills, the new Dodge Dart compact will have to be a home run all the way. Showing up to be represented in the segment just will not do, and this new compact will be absolutely pivotal to the Italian-owned car company’s success.

And Fiat? I will reiterate what I’ve been saying all along: Sergio Marchionne blew the Fiat launch to smithereens. He has no one to blame but himself for that either, even though he’s clearly reluctant to taint his near-deity status by admitting it to some of the less enlightened in the media who hang on his every word. Well I don’t and I will continue to call things like I see them. (Much to the disgust and chagrin of the Italians who meander their way through Auburn Hills on Sergio’s whims, but it’s the High-Octane Truth nonetheless.)

It was Marchionne’s blatant hubris that caused him to insist that Fiat dealers should spend a ton of cash on brick and mortar building separate showrooms for the Fiat 500, with the promise that they’d be tripping over a plethora of Alfa Romeo-based products by the end of 2012. Well that promise has been pushed back to the beginning of 2014 at least, and all Marchionne can do is brush it off to the vagaries of doing business in tough times. Not good. And if you’re a Fiat dealer, it’s catastrophic.

The Bottom Line is that Marchionne never presented a compelling reason for the existence of Fiat in this market, other than to promise dealers they were going to get rich off of his brilliant strategy. Which is exactly why the Fiat 500 became the fad of the summer of 2011, and why it will be nothing more than a minuscule niche player in this market, no matter how many $199/month leases they slap on the car.

But then again this is all okay, because when egomaniacal executives screw-up in this business it’s always fun to see. And there is no bigger ego operating in the automotive world today than The Great Sergio.

Besides, now that he has enlisted his grandiose marketing henchman, Olivier “I’m a genius just ask me” Francois to “fix” what ails Fiat, I can assure you there will be plenty more opportunities to skewer these two as they turn shineola into shit trying to prove out Marchionne’s incredibly flawed “Alfa Romeo is a global brand” strategy. (Just for the record, Alfa Romeo isn’t even a factor worth considering in its own homeland. And these guys are going to convince mass quantities of consumers in this market that it’s actually worthy of their consideration? With the intense competition that’s going on here? Please.)

Let’s move on. Of the Japanese automakers, anyone who believes that Toyota won’t rebound here is kidding themselves. Their dealer body is too deep and the Toyota name is so burnished in the American consumer consciousness that they will achieve a certain measure of success on sheer inertia alone. But they will never achieve the level that they once enjoyed for two very big reasons: 1. Chevrolet and Ford are too competitive to ignore, and 2.  The Hyundai-Kia onslaught is just too formidable for a company that has deep-seated misgivings about itself to overcome. Toyota used to be invincible in its own mind and to its competitors. And the fact that’s no longer true on either count will be the reason that Toyota will never get back to where they once were.

As for Lexus, they dined on the whole “amazing” customer experience thing and their distinct blend of blandastic somnolence for so long that they don’t even have a clue as to what to do now. Coming up with a new “face” to signal a “new” driver-oriented Lexus? Really? To a consumer public that has Lexus pegged for what they really are, which is the white toast with mayo of the automotive world? Good luck with that.

As I said at the beginning, I expect Nissan and Subaru to keep doing their respective things and that means churning out solid hits that for the most part fly under the radar, which isn’t all bad and one more reason reason why Toyota won’t have its way in this market.

And yes, Hyundai and Kia will continue to gobble up market share and make serious inroads in the image/perception game, which after all is hypercritical in this business. Each new model that emerges from the Korean conglomerate that delights with its design, engineering and value will be one more reason for shoppers not to consider the competition, especially Toyota and Honda. And as long as the Koreans stay focused, it will be all good. Then again, for all its machinery this is an exceedingly human business. And humans lose focus. And make mistakes. And screw-up. Guess what? Hyundai/Kia will demonstrate that convincingly at some point as well.

As for Honda (and Acura), it’s just flat-out embarrassing what this once-great motor company has become. What used to be a brilliantly creative automotive company that was known for designing, engineering and building elegantly engineered machines with a distinct point of view that appealed to both frugal buyers and enthusiasts alike has now become a rudderless, apologetic, spineless weasel of a car company that has suddenly embraced mediocrity as its raison d’etre. The fact that the executives in residence don’t have a frickin’ clue as to what to do is painfully obvious. And the fact that there’s no end in sight to this madness is even more so. The downward spiral of Honda and Acura is hands down our Most Depressing Automotive Development of the Year.

As for the Germans, the VW Group will continue to kick ass. And unless Audi takes a decided turn to the unfocused side of the automotive planet their success will continue. And I expect BMW to continue its inexorable march upward as well, although at any moment they threaten to chase a niche that they have no business chasing, which is frightening. And Mercedes-Benz? Well, CEO Uncle Dieter Zetsche may think all is well but he’s about the only one on the planet who thinks so. Look beyond the sales numbers in this market and you’ll see a German automaker that enjoyed a once-bulletproof reputation but whose image has taken a serious hit. There's a fine line between chasing the sales leadership in the luxury-performance market here and becoming a commodity, and right now Mercedes is dangerously close to becoming just that. I’m afraid a decade of image waffling has cost this company dearly. And the worst thing you can say about this once-proud brand? It’s just not all that special anymore.

I’ll close with these thoughts.

Here’s an easy prediction to get out of the way: Bob “The Master of Delusion” King will continue to insist that the UAW union will win over one of the import plants in this country, and he will get no closer to it than he is right now. As in, it’s nevergonnahappen. But he will continue to amuse with his semi-scary rhetoric. (Scary only because it’s horrific to hear some of the crazy-ass things that come out of his mouth, as in “he did not just say that, did he?” type of scary. Ugh.) And King will continue to believe that everyone hangs on his every word when the reality is that no one beyond a few hardcore union-types are listening anymore. Or even care.

I’d be remiss if I didn’t comment on the Electrification Thing. A gaggle of misguided politicians (more below) has managed to jam electrification down the throats of every manufacturer in the world whether the consumer is really ready for it or not. Some of our esteemed (cough, hack) politicians in this country even went so far as to hand two start-up electric vehicle manufacturers – Tesla and Fisker – almost a billion (with a “B”) in U.S. Treasury cash between the two of them in order to 1. Indulge Elon Musk, The Most Tedious Man on the Planet, hands down (see “On The Table” – ed.), so he can play in the electric vehicle space and make a complete fool of himself. Correct that, so he can make a complete fool out of the collective we as we’re all paying for his particularly odious brand of unmitigated smoke and mirror bullshit. And, 2. Then there’s the egomaniacal Henrik Fisker, who was gifted almost a half-billion in cash so he can indulge his personal automotive fantasies and for what exactly? So he can build limited-production, $100,000+ hybrid luxury cars for the few who can afford them? Un-frickin’-believable. 

Here’s the deal on the “electrification” thing, folks. Unless and until you can pull into a re-charging station and re-charge your electric vehicle in the same time that it takes to fill a typical gas tank and drive 300 miles uninterrupted on a single charge, then electric vehicles will occupy nothing more than a niche segment for limited-use driving.

One thing that certainly will not change in 2012 is that this industry will continue to be the whipping boy of massively ill-informed politicians in Washington, Northern California and New England when it’s most convenient to do so. After all, it’s much easier to blame the auto industry for sins both real and imagined than it is to do the Right Thing for the country and actually be accountable to your constituents by coming up with realistic solutions to this nation's burgeoning problems, instead of adding to them. And in an election year you can multiply this sturm und drang by a 100.

And last but not least and as I’ve said many times before, I continue to be amazed by the True Believers in this industry. The ones who, in the face of a business that grows more rigid, regulated, and risk-averse by the day, remain unwavering in their passion, commitment, and dedication to the essence of the machine and what makes it a living, breathing, mechanical conduit of our hopes and dreams.

I talk to and hear from these people across the wide spectrum of this industry each and every day and it’s only when you’re immersed in this business as I am that you can truly appreciate what these True Believers do in order to make a difference.

Whether they’re found in the executive suite or battling deep in the trenches somewhere, I remain in awe of their passion, perseverance and sheer will to succeed, sometimes against the most daunting of odds.

I take my hat off to them because if it weren’t for the True Believers, this business would be a much more somber and darker place.

And no damn fun at all.

And that’s the High-Octane Truth for this week and this year, 4,577 days – give or take a day after our first issue – later.

Thank you to all of you out there who make Autoextremist.com a destination during the week, we really do appreciate it.

And a special thank you to my friends and colleagues in this business – you know who you are – whom I have the distinct pleasure of working with. You make it all worthwhile.

We - WordGirl, Dr. Bud and I - wish you and yours the best for this holiday season and a Happy and Healthy 2012.

I’ll see you back here on January 11^th for our annual pilgrimage to the Detroit Auto Show.

See another live episode of "Autoline After Hours" with hosts John McElroy, from Autoline Detroit, and Peter De Lorenzo, The Autoextremist, and guests this Thursday evening, at 7:00PM EDT at www.autolinedetroit.tv.

By the way, if you'd like to subscribe to the Autoline After Hours podcasts, click on the following links:

Subscribe via iTunes:

http://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewPodcast?id=311421319

Subscribe via RSS:

http://www.autolinedetroit.tv/podcasts/feeds/afterhours-audio.xml

If you would like to read previous Autoextremist issues, click on "Next Entry" below.

Acura takes dead aim... at mediocrity.

By Peter M. De Lorenzo

(Posted 12/12, 5:00 p.m.) Detroit. Thirteen months ago I wrote a column (“That’s all you got, Mr. Ito?” - 11/10/2010) about the future of Acura. Flailing and failing, Acura had totally lost its mojo and its raison d’etre, and its leader, Takanobu Ito, pretty much had nothing to offer other than this: “We are having a lot of discussions about Acura and which way it should be going. And what we confirmed is that the brand direction should be smart premium, not top tier… We agreed that smart premium is what we should be targeting with Acura, not the upper-segment vehicles such as Lexus or Mercedes-Benz. We must apply advanced technologies which make our vehicle more fun to drive, achieve a more comfortable drive and high environmental performance. "

Last week, Acura executives took the media under the tent ahead of the upcoming Detroit Auto Show, confirming Ito’s leanings from a year ago. Mark Rechtin, reporting for Automotive News, says Acura will settle for offering mid-level premium vehicles that favor fuel economy over performance, even though the company plans on unveiling an environmentally friendly successor to the NSX sports car in Detroit.

To justify their position, Acura executives went on to mock modern day luxury cars as being examples of technical overkill. And much is revealed in the following quotes.

Mike Accavitti, the former head of Dodge who became American Honda's vice president of marketing in August, describes the current luxury market as "too much machine and not enough humanity. Our overweight bodies require overweight engines and more safety systems to protect them. Some of these cars the average driver just can't control. We have been increasing performance beyond the ability of the driver, or we have complicated the driving process."

Gary Evert, division director for advanced automotive planning at Acura R&D, said, "Technology is only as good as the driver. The vehicle almost always has more capability than the driver can handle. Anything outside the customer's understanding is waste."

Sales chief Jeff Conrad insisted that Acura was returning to its original product philosophy, as reported by Rechtin, which revolves around elegant engineering and class-leading fuel economy. And that they would no longer pursue the best-in-class entries from the top-tier automakers.

And Vicki Poponi, American Honda assistant vice president for product planning, added, "Our engineering ego was getting in the way."

Really? That’s hard to fathom because I don’t think anyone in this business would actually accuse Acura of having some sort of engineering ego. Acura has been so far off the radar screen of the “great cars” discussion for so long that the company occupies a strange existence in a netherworld between irrelevance and inconsequence. How can you possibly cultivate an ego around that?

I’m sure the new NSX concept set to be revealed in Detroit will be cool and buzz worthy, but Acura executives are already telegraphing the fact that they view enthusiasts as inconsequential and not really what they’re aiming for, so why bother? Since fewer than 20 percent of Acura’s target buyers in generation Y care about high performance, according to its internal research, why indeed?

Showing a zoomy concept when you plan on backing it up with “smart luxury” as Acura executives are referring to it is a fool’s errand, at best.

Everything these Acura executives are saying indicates to me that the sickness that seems to have swallowed Honda whole over the last half decade or so has completely obliterated any hope for Acura. Dismissing technical excellence as “waste” suggests to me that the executives within Honda assigned to Acura not only have the disease, they’ve had their brains reprogrammed as well.

I wonder if a PA announcement comes over the loudspeaker at Acura headquarters every morning with the following: “Ladies and gentlemen, we don’t care what the powers that be in the automotive world are achieving or aspiring to, because we only aspire to be good enough. After all, it’s much easier to succeed when the target is set low enough. So get to work.”

Calculated mediocrity will never win in this business. Ever. And for Honda and Acura executives to come out – with guns blazing, no less – suggesting that this is their path to righteousness and success is an insult to everyone out their busting their guts to do the best and be the best.

Here is a car company announcing to the world that good enough is indeed good enough, in an automotive world where “good enough” was forever made obsolete with the bankruptcies of GM and Chrysler.

This would all be laughable if it weren’t so patently absurd and pathetic.

As I said a year ago, I’m not looking for Honda to build over-the-top and overpriced offerings for Acura at every turn. I am, however, looking for each and every Acura model that hits the street to offer a level of distinctive driving differentiation and appeal that you just can’t get in the Honda showroom, or anywhere else, for that matter.

And the message I’m hearing from Acura executives is that’s notgonnahappen. It’s not even close to happening, in fact.

Showing up and being present and accounted for isn’t going to cut it for Acura, but that’s exactly what they’re hell-bent on doing. And I don’t get it. Mediocrity isn’t bliss. And there are legions of car executives and car companies that have learned that painful lesson the hardest way possible.

Acura - and Honda - need to make us believe that they actually have a pulse instead of confirming our suspicions that they’re receding into a black hole while becoming something unrecognizable and unfathomable, akin to a mewling morass of mediocrity masquerading as a real car company.

And that’s the High-Octane Truth for this week.

See another live episode of "Autoline After Hours" with hosts John McElroy, from Autoline Detroit, and Peter De Lorenzo, The Autoextremist, and guests this Thursday evening, at 7:00PM EDT at www.autolinedetroit.tv.

By the way, if you'd like to subscribe to the Autoline After Hours podcasts, click on the following links:

Subscribe via iTunes:

http://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewPodcast?id=311421319

Subscribe via RSS:

http://www.autolinedetroit.tv/podcasts/feeds/afterhours-audio.xml

If you would like to read previous Autoextremist issues, click on "Next Entry" below.

Volt hysteria: Why image and perception are everything.

By Peter M. De Lorenzo

(Posted 12/5, 4:00 p.m.) Detroit. Even the most casual observer of this industry has by now heard about the “crisis” with GM’s Chevrolet Volt. The car is spontaneously catching on fire. It’s blowing up the Internet. It’s causing force fields of electronic doom to rain down upon us in an unprecedented reprisal for our dependence on technology. It’s responsible for the BCS quagmire in college football. It made Herman Cain quit the presidential race. It’s single-handedly changing the configuration of the polar ice caps, etc., etc.

The Volt is responsible for none of the aforementioned items, of course, but in the hysteria that comes with the around-the-clock insanity that defines our instantaneously connected world these days, it might as well be.

But beyond all of that, just what is the Chevrolet Volt, exactly? And what does all of this mean?

I consider the Volt to be a dramatic foray into advanced propulsion technology and a singular technological achievement. The Volt would have been an impressive statement by any automaker in the world, but the fact that the True Believers at GM pulled it off under duress and in a hyper-accelerated timeline during the darkest days of the run-up to and through bankruptcy makes the accomplishment all that much more impressive.

Were there bound to be some start-up problems with the technology? Absolutely. But for the most part the Volt has been remarkably free of a lot of the issues that normally burden new product programs. Except for one giant issue, that is. The batteries, after severe crashes, might be – and let me repeat that – might be prone to catching fire quite a while after the fact. Note that this has nothing to do with the following statement: “Chevy Volts spontaneously combust while driving!” But it is an issue that has to be addressed and is being addressed right now.

And, as always, there is context with all of this that must be mentioned as well.

In this country’s headlong rush to embrace advanced “green” technology – rammed through all normal channels of rational thought and perspective by egregiously naïve politicians in Washington and Northern California – the fact of the matter is that this whole “electrification of the automobile” notion is fraught with peril and hindered regularly by the great unknown. The idea that advancements in automobile battery technology would come in bunches and that we’d see remarkable, jaw-dropping improvements on the order of the explosion in computer technology and such was a nice dream to hang on to if you were a rabid idealist who graduated from the “finger snap” school of contemporary thought. But it wasn’t realistic in the least.

(Oh, you know the types, by the way. The ones who regularly chastise the automobile industry for being responsible for all of mankind’s problems both real and imagined. The ones who are absolutely convinced that all of the issues associated with developing durable, affordable and bulletproof battery technology and the accompanying hardware and software that goes with it are just a snap of the finger away and the world will take on a lovely green hue once all of these problems get solved overnight. And it goes without saying, of course, that none of this is even remotely true.)

The technology involved in vehicle electrification is massively complicated and involved. And development of the technology, though racing along at a feverish pace, is coming up far short of the pipe dream schedule imagined by the green intelligentsia. And since that group is painfully unaware of what goes into designing, engineering and producing a contemporary automobile, it is completely understandable that they wouldn’t have a shred of a clue as to how much more complicated that task is once you add the electrification component to it.

Saying all of this then, there’s still an issue that needs to be solved with the Volt battery packs that have been placed under duress in a severe crash. Will it get solved? I have no doubt that it will. After all, every bit of electric vehicle technology being developed right now affects the entire industry, so it’s not only important to the future of the Volt, it’s important to the future of the entire global electric vehicle industry that this issue is solved once and for all.

But after all of the hand wringing, where does that leave the Volt itself?

Though the Chevrolet Volt is a technological marvel and an excellent driving machine, and GM has staked the entire reputation of the company on its integrity and near-seamless performance, the fallout from the initial “Volts catch fire” barrage in the all-consuming communication jungle we exist in today has been damaging.

It didn’t help, of course, that this story has been percolating behind the scenes since last summer, and the media has pounced on that fact. And it also didn’t help that GM’s response to the news was slightly scattered and disjointed when the news broke.

GM Public Relations jumped on the image-wrangling bit immediately in order to get out in front of the story in a page right out of the classic PR 101 “managing a potential disaster” handbook, but in some respects they were a bit premature because it became readily apparent that not everyone was on the same page.

GM’s North American president Mark Reuss insisted at a hastily called media conference that the integrity of the Volt wasn’t compromised due to the issue, and Reuss was and is dead right of course. There is nothing wrong with the integrity, safety and over-the-road performance of the Volt. There is an issue about the proper protocol to depower the batteries after a severe crash, however. And again, it was being addressed.

But then CEO Dan Akerson stepped in it by making an off-the cuff comment to the media a few days later suggesting that the company might have to “fix” the batteries. Akerson's comments added to the confusion and revealed his general lack of awareness about dealing with the media.

This has been a pattern on Akerson’s part since he came on board at GM, unfortunately. It was one thing, however, to make boneheaded statements in general about the business and his knowledge (or lack thereof) of it early on in interviews. Those were a little loopy and laughable and provided amusing fodder for discussions behind the scenes in the business. But it was quite another when Akerson’s Volt comments were not only totally premature, but unnecessary as well. With the Volt image on the line this was serious, make or break stuff, and Akerson’s comments were wildly inappropriate and didn’t help. As a matter of fact they hurt GM’s image-wrangling cause immeasurably.

Reuss should have been the point person on the Volt. Period. And Akerson should have been unavailable. But, it didn’t unfold that way, so GM will be dealing with this for a while.

Is the image of the Chevrolet Volt compromised? In the short term, yes, of course it is. GM has been very clear all along that the Volt is the tip of the company’s technological spear and now the Volt’s reputation has been called into question. Unfairly for the most part, but that’s the painful reality for the denizens of the RenCen nonetheless.

And let’s not forget the other component in all of this, too, and that is the fact that the Volt is the cornerstone of hundreds of millions of dollars in media spending for the Chevrolet division as well. So, this negative development is huge and GM marketing and PR types are going to have to be persistent and relentless in trying to re-build the Volt’s image and reputation.

Will it be easy? No. Far from it, in fact. The relentless 24/7 Connected Circus we live in today has already declared the Volt dead and buried and has moved on to the newest controversy looming around the next corner.

But the Volt does have many things going for it. It delivers what it promises, for one, which in this day and age is actually saying something. And the Volt is an exemplary example of advanced, extended-range electric mobility that fits the needs of many – not all – but many consumers all across the country.

Visionary ideas and concepts always seem to pay the price for being ahead of the curve at some point, whether they originate from people, or companies.

GM is now paying the price for being immersed in the development of advanced electric vehicle technology. Lessons are learned at times predictably, but at other times they’re learned unexpectedly and unpredictably.

GM will survive its latest turn in the barrel. And so will the Volt.

And that’s the High-Octane Truth for this week.

See another live episode of "Autoline After Hours" with hosts John McElroy, from Autoline Detroit, and Peter De Lorenzo, The Autoextremist, and guests this Thursday evening, at 7:00PM EDT at www.autolinedetroit.tv.

By the way, if you'd like to subscribe to the Autoline After Hours podcasts, click on the following links:

Subscribe via iTunes:

http://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewPodcast?id=311421319

Subscribe via RSS:

http://www.autolinedetroit.tv/podcasts/feeds/afterhours-audio.xml

If you would like to read previous Autoextremist issues, click on "Next Entry" below.

The Brand Blunder of this young century.

By Peter M De Lorenzo

(Posted 11/29, 9:00 a.m.) Detroit. Daimler has quietly thrown in the towel on its much-ballyhooed Maybach brand, nearly a decade after it promised the world that it would provide a “private jet-like” experience on the road for those well-heeled enough to care about such things. It is scheduled to disappear from view permanently in 2013.

It wasn’t that long ago – back in 2002 to be exact – in the midst of the now infamous luxury auto brand feeding frenzy that saw the VW conglomerate acquire Bentley, and BMW subsequently taking control of Rolls-Royce (after VW was forced to let go of it), Daimler and its Mercedes-Benz division were left holding the bag.

Suddenly feeling chair-less after the music stopped, brainiacs within Daimler came up with the perfect response to the situation in their estimation, and that was to do an uber sedan that would slot above the S-Class in its lineup, and then hang one of the great names from its past on it. Thus the Maybach was born.

Now though this name was of great significance to Daimler executives and German auto enthusiasts (Wilhelm Maybach was a gifted engineer and engine designer who worked closely with Gottleib Daimler in the very early days pre-Mercedes-Benz) it meant exactly not so much to the rest of the world and especially in this market. In fact not many really cared about the significance of the Maybach name or had even heard of it before. Even the select Mercedes-Benz dealers who were being asked to redirect their showrooms to accommodate the Maybach were puzzled and more than a little skeptical of the move.

It wasn’t the nosebleed sticker prices of the Maybach that caused the hand wringing; it was the fact that the Maybach looked like nothing more than a glorified S-Class, a dated and uninspired one at that.

While VW was stopping traffic with the sensational Bentley Continental GT coupe, and BMW was reimagining and contemporizing the in-your-face proportions of the Rolls-Royce, Daimler launched the Maybach not to sighs and swoons, but to a collective thud followed by a lingering “WTF?” As in, these guys are kidding, right?

To say it was lackluster and lacked presence was an understatement. The Maybach looked old and tired the moment it hit the floor at the Detroit Auto Show and it never got better. And once it sunk-in with potential customers that Daimler was charging a boatload of cash for what was for all intents and purposes a tarted-up S-Class, the Maybach was D.O.A.

That alone would have been enough of a demoralizing handicap to stop any automaker in its tracks, but then again we need to remind ourselves that this was indeed Daimler and its show dog Mercedes-Benz brand that we’re talking about. And the arrogance there knows no bounds. As a matter of fact it oozes out of the executive suite at a prodigious rate, fueled by the rarified air they breathe that’s pumped full of hubris and smug self-importance. And they’re so lost in the swirling maelstrom of their own greatness, they wouldn’t know or see a brand blunder the size of the Titanic coming if it crashed into their headquarters.

So it was completely lost on the Daimler executives that by launching the Maybach and announcing to the public that this was in fact the state of the Mercedes-Benz car building art, they were also announcing to Mercedes-Benz dealers and legions of loyal customers that for the first time in memory the S-Class would now be classified as yesterday’s news. That the S-Class was no longer “the best or nothing” but merely a supporting player in the Mercedes-Benz lineup, and as you can imagine this development didn’t go over well.

That Daimler executives could cut the legs out from under its own once-vaunted S-Class in one fell swoop is a testament to the depth and breadth of their arrogance and how they are absolutely convinced that they can have their way in the automotive world with impunity.

It’s this exact same thinking-in-a-vacuum that has caused Daimler and its once-hallowed Mercedes-Benz brand to be rocked to their core by the more focused and hungrier leadership at Audi and BMW. The Mercedes-Benz brand now finds itself treading water, desperately trying to rediscover its mojo, while its competitors are handing their asses to them in the brand image sweepstakes. Hell, Mercedes-Benz can’t even muster a winning Formula 1 team, that’s how bad things are.

Sure, now Daimler’s Dieter Zetsche is trumpeting the fact that Mercedes-Benz will get back to being Mercedes-Benz and that without the diversion of resources to Maybach they will be able to focus on their core brand, but I’ve heard this song before from Uncle Dieter. And it doesn’t ring true.

These people don’t get it. And they haven’t gotten it for a long, long time. They’re stuck in a toxic time warp of past triumphs and glories, telling themselves that “it won’t be long now!” before it all comes right and that the good ‘ol days are just around the corner again.

Funny, but I heard the same thing from the “old” GM not that many years ago too. Needless to say, that didn’t exactly work out for them, now did it?

That Daimler executives would squander their once-unimpeachable brand and brand legacy is really no surprise to me. I’ve said it before and I’ll probably say it again before I stop writing and producing Autoextremist.com, but never have so many done so little with so much.

The Maybach leaves the stage as a cautionary tale and a painful reminder to Daimler that the clock is ticking on their own mortality as well if they can’t get their proverbial act together.

As we like to say around here, Not Good.

And that's the High-Octane Truth for this week.

See another live episode of "Autoline After Hours" with hosts John McElroy, from Autoline Detroit, and Peter De Lorenzo, The Autoextremist, and guests this Thursday evening, at 7:00PM EDT at www.autolinedetroit.tv.

By the way, if you'd like to subscribe to the Autoline After Hours podcasts, click on the following links:

Subscribe via iTunes:

http://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewPodcast?id=311421319

Subscribe via RSS:

http://www.autolinedetroit.tv/podcasts/feeds/afterhours-audio.xml

If you would like to read previous Autoextremist issues, click on "Next Entry" below.

Fixing Fiat.

By Peter M. De Lorenzo

(Posted 11/22, 11:30 a.m.) Detroit. Well, that was special. After stonewalling negative questions, ignoring the facts and dismal sales statistics, and dismissing critics like myself as being “inconsequential,” the denizens of Auburn Hills have finally kinda-sorta admitted publicly that the launch of the Fiat brand in this country is an abject failure and has been so botched that they’re starting over.

Laura Soave, the former head of the Fiat brand for North America has been dismissed, and Timothy Kuniskis has been announced as her replacement.

But will it really matter at this point?

First of all, Soave is clearly the scapegoat in all of this. Though she made many egregious errors during her tenure the fact that she was hamstrung by Sergio Marchionne’s insistence that special Fiat-focused dealers had to be constructed before the launch of the Fiat 500 got serious was the real killer in all of this.

No matter how you cut it, that decision was instrumental in Fiat falling on its face right out of the gate. For all of their “we’re the smartest guys in the room” arrogance and posturing, Marchionne & Co. blew the Fiat rollout to smithereens, totally underestimating the task at hand at every turn. And Soave is taking the bullet for their missteps.

But what can be done now to fix the Fiat mess? Two things:

Fix the advertising. That means I’d start by removing Olivier “I’m a genius, just ask me” Francois from having anything to do with Fiat advertising, immediately. Actually, I would remove this guy from having anything to do with any Fiat or Chrysler advertising, given what I’ve seen of the new Chrysler 300 spot bowing on the Thanksgiving Day NFL broadcasts. That spot is so relentlessly lame and nonsensical that it wallows in a dimension of tediousness that is almost beyond comprehension. (It’s clear that the infamous “Eminem” spot for last year’s Super Bowl went completely to Francois’s head and he’s lost all perspective and understanding. They’ve tried to repackage and remix that spot 50 different ways since and all of the spots have failed miserably. And the upcoming spot for the 300 is a new low.)

As for Fiat, one of Soave’s most obvious missteps was hiring a small-timer to do her advertising and it looked and felt like it. Francois, the starf---er that he is, went the opposite route, signing JLo for reasons unbeknownst to anyone still operating with at least a modicum of cogent thought.

The first JLo spot was a warmed-over cut of a long-form video she did, which was mystifying in its intent, other than it had her driving a Fiat 500 and dancing around it at the end. High concept it was not.

The second attempt had JLo driving around in her old neighborhood stomping grounds in a Fiat 500, pretending to get in touch with her inner Real Girl, which was about as believable as JLo flying coach to get in touch with her fans. As if.

And finally, the lowest of lows was JLo prancing around on stage at the American Music Awards this past Sunday evening with a Fiat 500 as part of the backdrop in the most blatant bit of product placement in television history. It was offensive and incomprehensible, and it predictably drew a loud chorus of post-show outrage from stars and the media alike.

It’s clear that Francois is clearly out of ideas, but when you’re in the Genius business and you and your leader sit around reveling in each other’s brilliance, there is simply no hope of any rational thought creeping through to make things better.

But something has to give, and fast. The raison d’etre for the return of Fiat was never explained to anyone in ConsumerLand in this market. You have to give people a reason to care - other than the 500 is cute.

And that hasn’t happened yet

Get over the whole “exclusive” Fiat dealer bit. Marchionne & Co. blew this and now it’s going to get u-g-l-y before they’ll be able to fix it. U-g-l-y because they’re going to have to make the 500 available for sale at Chrysler-Dodge-Jeep dealers immediately. U-g-l-y because once they decide to do that they’ll have to compensate the exclusive Fiat dealers who shelled out serious cash to buy into Sergio’s “vision” for the brand. And u-g-l-y because if they don’t get the volume of the 500 up and enhance the presence of the Fiat brand in this market, then they’re setting the table for failure when their new, make-or-break compact car comes out next spring.

And right there is the entire deal for the grand experiment called Fiat-Chrysler. The new Fiat-Chrysler compact based on Alfa Romeo underpinnings will have to be a solid competitor to the Chevrolet Cruze, Ford Focus, et al right out of the gate, because if it isn’t, then it’s back to selling Jeeps and Ram trucks, and even Sergio knows that’s not going to cut it forever.

So, we shall see, won’t we?

And that’s the High-Octane Truth for this week.

See another live episode of "Autoline After Hours" with hosts John McElroy, from Autoline Detroit, and Peter De Lorenzo, The Autoextremist, and guests this Thursday evening, at 7:00PM EDT at www.autolinedetroit.tv.

By the way, if you'd like to subscribe to the Autoline After Hours podcasts, click on the following links:

Subscribe via iTunes:

http://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewPodcast?id=311421319

Subscribe via RSS:

http://www.autolinedetroit.tv/podcasts/feeds/afterhours-audio.xml

If you would like to read previous Autoextremist issues, click on "Next Entry" below.