ON THE TABLE

March 16, 2011

Carlos Ghosn, Renault. Abject stupidity and rampant paranoia never mix well, and the whole la affaire espionage Renault was such a black eye to Carlos Ghosn and Co. that it just might get him booted from the helm of the French automaker. It's a giant Shit Storm of Not Good if you ask us. Reminds us of those famous lyrics from Buffalo Springfield's "For What It's Worth" - Paranoia strikes deep. Into your life it will creep. It starts when you're always afraid. You step out of line, the man come and take you away...

 Buick. Desperate to skew younger, the GM division has just signed a three-year marketing deal with the NCAA, so you'll be seeing lots of Buick ads during March Madness. Buick is basically filling the marketing space that Pontiac used to occupy with the NCAA before it was taken out back and shot. We wish Buick the best, after all, aligning with the NCAA means they have to deal with that smarmy, slimy, mercenary bunch of duplicitous scumbags on a weekly basis, which qualifies as being above and beyond the call as far as we're concerned. And oh by the way, all it does is remind us of just how bad we miss Pontiac too. Ugh.

Editor-in-Chief's Note: We're always glad to share Casey Shain's talent with our readers. This week, Casey ("artandcolour") delves into the topic of the Lost Art of the Coupe, as in we need more of 'em. Take a look at Casey's re-imagination of the VW Jetta, Audi A8, Saab 9-5, Buick Verano and Chevrolet Cruze as new wave Coupes and check out his commentary that goes along with them. Great stuff from Casey, as always. You can also check out Casey's blog just for his digital illustrations here. Enjoy! - PMD
 

Buick Verano GS 3-door. We really need more choices than 4-door sedans! Perhaps a hatchback wouldn't be the obvious choice, but the sleekness would really offset the other sedans in Buick's showrooms. The chrome "eyebrows" over the taillights have grown into full-fledged chrome side moldings in the classic tradition. Wouldn't you really rather have a Buick?

Saab 9-5 coupe. Halo car for the new company. Could have been a Saab-Spyker until they sold off the sports cars a couple of weeks ago. The chopped top really sets this coupe off—shades of its old competitor, the original '70s Volvo Bertone coupe. Could introduce a Hybrid to their lineup as well.

Audi A8 coupe. Really, as great as Audi is doing these days, they really could use a 2-door competitor for the CL Class, and I don't mean the A7 hatchback. This pillar-less Audi would feature a V8, Hybrid and W12 versions.

VW Jetta coupe. I shortened the rear overhang and made the roof more of a fastback for this now-hatchback. Though still seating 4, it just might take up the slack from the dearly-departed (From the USA) Scirocco/Corrado without the expense of an additional platform. Would have to step up the interior and the rear suspension from the base sedan. I'm thinking four black-and-white leather buckets and aluminum trim might work.

Chevrolet Cruze 3-door. Based on the new 5-door hatch concept, does away with Chevy's now-ubiquitous over/under twin grilles for a lower, cleaner look. Passenger door would be 4 inches longer (AMC Pacer-like!) than the driver's, to help compete with the Veloster's twin passenger doors. The Z11 name is a take-off on the old Citation X11 and their current fascination with Zs.