ON THE TABLE - MARCH 19, 2014

Toyota. Editor-in-Chief's Note: The Japanese auto giant has reached a $1.2 billion settlement to end a U.S. criminal probe of unexpected acceleration of its Toyota and Lexus vehicles. A significant chunk of change? Absolutely. But it's a big win for Toyota. Why? Because when you take into account the huge war chest Toyota has accumulated over the last 30 months, thanks to the Japanese government's continued manipulation of the yen - and the fact that it puts the entire mess behind them - it's a mere drop in their billion-dollar bucket. I hope the honchos at GM are paying attention, because by the time they settle this ignition interlock fiasco, they can take that $300 million they recently set aside to cover the anticipated costs associated with the recall and the collateral damage from it, and multiply it times three. - PMD

  Joe Eberhardt, Jaguar Land Rover's U.S. Chief.  Editor-in-Chief's Note: As I warned Jaguar Land Rover dealers upon Eberhardt's appointment, the chief architect of the Mercedes-Benz brand erosion strategy would be a nightmare, a clueless, belligerent, blunderbuss of a leader who has his head shoved well and truly up his ass, with a large dollop of arrogance thrown in for good measure. And it didn't take long for Eberhardt to prove it. In an interview with Mark Phelan of the Detroit Free Press that was conducted at the Detroit Auto Show, Eberhardt demonstrated his sheer lack of knowledge of the Jaguar brand by commenting on Jaguar's upcoming BMW 3-series fighter - the XE - which was recently teased at the Geneva Motor Show, with the following: "It's a question of heritage. Clearly, the compact sport sedan is an area where Jaguar has a rich history." Huh? Or better yet, really? Maybe I should let WG add her comments, considering she once owned a Jaguar Mk VII. -PMD  I guess it all depends on how one defines "compact." Sure, if it's just by measurements alone, the grand Mark VII, VIII and IX of the 1950s fit the definition of a compact car. But really? Seriously? Do these fabulous saloons seem the same to you as a Chevrolet Cruze or Ford Focus or the aforementioned BMW 3-series (all of which are considered "compact" cars)? Tape measures aside, comments like Eberhardt's not only show a superficial understanding of the brand (at best), they also denigrate the brand by reducing its vehicles to various elements of a marketing plan - and nothing more. -WG

Dan Neil. The ace writer lambastes (deservedly) the Fiat 500L in this week's "Rumble Seat" column in The Wall Street Journal to wit: "... Actually, the 500L (front-drive, five-door liftback) corners like the world's smallest '65 Pontiac Bonneville. At engine speeds below 2,250 rpm, there is no one home torque-wise. You hit the gas and time stands still, a la "The Matrix." And the six-speed manual gearbox is the vaguest, wobbliest such mechanism I've encountered since I was winning dance contests in my three-piece suit. This thing isn't a transmission. It is an intermission." And that's our AE Quote of the Week. Editor-in-Chief's Note: To me the 500L embodies every last cynical detail that underpins the reality of Sergio Marchionne's carpet-bagging mission to take over Chrysler. Left to their own devices, the Italians design, build and engineer unmitigated crap (I'm leaving Ferrari out of this discussion obviously). Any success that Fiat Chrysler has achieved has come on the backs of the True Believers in Auburn Hills who stayed the course through the relentless chaos rained down upon them by first Daimler, then Cerberus and now Fiat. Marchionne is quick to take credit for the "miracle" that he performed by saving "The Unfortunates" of Chrysler from themselves and that is such relentless bullshit it's laughable. The only "miracle" that happened in Auburn Hills came from the True Believers who designed, engineered and built the trucks and Jeeps that are the sole provider of profit to the otherwise crumbling FCA enterprise. And so it goes. - PMD

(BMW)
The Concorso d‘Eleganza Villa d’Este 2014 will feature the glitz and glamor of the Roaring Twenties, a typically exquisite selection of vehicles and some special anniversaries. The 85th edition of the tradition-laden event on Lake Como will take place May 23-25, 2014, hosted for the 10th time by BMW Group Classic and the Villa d’Este luxury hotel. Visitors to the grounds of Villa d’Este and the adjacent parkland of Villa Erba in the northern Italian town of Cernobbio will join the celebrations to mark not only the 110th anniversary of the Rolls-Royce brand, but also “100 Years of Maserati.” While the history of the British luxury carmaker is the theme of a special exhibition in the rotunda at Villa Erba, the Italian sports car brand’s landmark will be celebrated with a special competition class in the BMW Group Italia Trophy beauty contest, and the Coppa d’Oro Villa d’Este prize decided by a public vote.

(Images courtesy of Mercedes-Benz)
The new Mercedes-Benz S63 AMG 4MATIC Coupe is making its debut. "Power and sensual purity combine to give the vehicle irresistible presence and breathtaking performance," according to Mercedes PR operatives. Emphasis is also placed on outstanding driving dynamics, advanced lightweight construction and groundbreaking efficiency, according to the manufacturer. The AMG 5.5-liter V8 biturbo engine delivers 577HP and 664 lb-ft of torque. And the performance-tuned AMG 4MATIC all-wheel drive (33/67% split) comes standard in the U.S. market for optimum traction in any driving situation. The S63 AMG Coupe accelerates from 0 to 60 mph in an estimated 3.9 seconds and goes on to reach a top speed of 186 mph (electronically limited). Yee-hah.

(Porsche)
The Porsche Boxster and Porsche Cayman - the best pure Porsche sports cars - will now be available as GTS models. With more powerful engines and additional standard performance equipment, the new Boxster GTS and Cayman GTS models are the latest offerings from Porsche designed to lighten your wallet. The Stuff: The 3.4-liter 6-cylinder boxer engines in both models deliver an additional 15 hp compared to their “S” model counterparts. Translation? The Boxster GTS has 330HP and the Cayman GTS has 340HP. Torque has been increased by 7 lb.-ft. in each model: 273 lb.-ft. in the Boxster GTS and 280 lb.-ft. in the Cayman GTS. The Sport Chrono package is now a standard feature with either the 6-speed manual or the optional 7-speed Doppelkupplungsgetriebe (PDK) transmission. This means with the optional PDK transmission and Sport Plus button activated, the Boxster GTS reaches 60 mph from a standstill in 4.4 seconds, the Cayman GTS in 4.3 seconds. Top track speed for the Boxster GTS is 174 mph with a manual gearbox and 177 mph for a Cayman GTS equipped with a manual gearbox.

(Porsche)
The interior of the Boxster GTS and Cayman GTS feature an Alcantara® wrapped steering wheel, headliner, center console and inserts on the standard Sport Seats Plus. GTS nomenclature is embroidered into the headrests and printed on the tachometer face, in case you forgot what you were making those payments on.

(Porsche)
The new Boxster GTS and Cayman GTS models can be spotted by their unique front and rear fascias, blacked out Bi-Xenon^TM headlights with the Porsche Dynamic Light System (PDLS), 20-inch Carrera S wheels and a sport exhaust system with black tailpipes - standard. The Boxster GTS and Cayman GTS have Porsche Active Suspension Management (PASM) as standard. The wheel/tire package? 235/35 front and 265/35 rear tires on 20-inch Carrera S wheel. The Boxster GTS is priced from $73,500 and the Cayman GTS is priced from $75,200, excluding destination charges of $995. Both models will be available for delivery this summer.