ON THE TABLE - MAY 7, 2014

Editor-in-Chief's Note: The high hard ones from the SergioFest? Dodge will be the performance division (duh) and Viper will go back to being called the Dodge Viper; Sergio will keep milking Ram trucks and Jeeps for all they're worth (double-duh); and he's going all-in on Chrysler adding more models in a bid to run with Ford and Chevrolet in the U.S. market. And Fiat is going to be great and desirable, just you wait. At least that's what Olivier "I'm a genius, just ask me" Francois added to the proceedings. Sure it will. And then, being Sergio, he had to set the tone for the proceedings with a quote suggesting that he has it all figured out and that they got it goin' on, or something like that: “The history of the auto industry is littered with alliances that have failed,” The Great Sergio said. But over the last five years, Fiat and Chrysler have arrived at having “the strongest bond possible. It is made up, as a team, by survivors. They carry the humility of having failed” in the past. Really? That's all you got, Marchionne? I say speak for yourself, because lumping-in the True Believers at Chrysler who were repeatedly terrorized by bad management takeovers with the abject and relentless failure of Fiat - one of the most underachieving automobile companies of all time - is a complete disservice and an offensive insult to the people who made you look like a frickin' genius. But then again it's par for the course, because in the end it's all about Sergio and his warped view of the world, and don't you ever forget it. Pathetic. - PMD

Sergio's Plan. Editor-in-Chief's Note: The Investor community doesn't think much of The Great Sergio's new five-year plan, apparently. As reported by David Shepardson in The Detroit News this morning (Wednesday, May 7), "Investors didn’t like Fiat Chrysler Automobiles NV’s aggressive five-year plan to spend more than $65 billion dollars on product development in a bid to ramp up sales over the next five years, sending shares down by 8.6 percent. In trading in Europe, shares of Fiat fell to 7.74 euros ($10.78) down 0.73 euros ($1.02) a share." Marchionne of course dismissed all negativity because he insists that he delivered on the 2009 plan - while glossing over and conveniently forgetting the parts that he didn't deliver on, but hey, in Sergio's world such negativity is purged, or deemed as being hopelessly uninformed - and that he will deliver on this new plan, too, just you wait and see. But members of the investment community are a humorless lot and they don't much cotton to over-promising, especially when the majority of those promises are works of gulp fiction. Did Sergio pull some of those ridiculous numbers out of his ass? Yes, of course he did. But in classic egomaniacal fashion, he's absolutely certain that he can get away with it because he is, after all, The Miracle Worker who saved Chrysler from itself and the Greatest automobile executive Of All Time. But the ugly reality is that a lot of Marchionne's vaunted "plan" is pure unmitigated bullshit, and there are a lot of people inside and outside the business who are smart enough to know it too. - PMD  (Editor's Note: I had to laugh - one of the articles I read quotes Marchionne talking about how this plan is gonna work because "We're different" - and he keeps talking about how they're "a different company than their competitors," blah, blah, blah. I seem to remember that there was 'a different kind of car company' one time before in our history - and we all know how that worked out! -WG)

Editor-in-Chief's Note: The "orderly transition" at the Ford Motor Company - the handoff of the CEO title from Alan Mulally to Mark Fields - was officially announced last week. I've read most if not all of the hand-wringing about the transition and the myriad "to-do" lists for Fields from the "experts" in the automotive media and they were for the most part predictable and tedious. I'm always amazed at the depth and breadth of the lack of knowledge and insight demonstrated by the media, and much of what I read could have been written six months ago, easily. Suffice to say, Mark Fields has a tremendous opportunity to shape the future of the Ford Motor Company. He also has a laundry list of challenges and issues, a brace of crucial product launches, and the ever-changing landscape of the global automotive business to deal with. Is Mark Fields up to the challenge? I am absolutely convinced that he is the right executive, at the right time, at the right car company. He understands what "focused consistency" truly means in this business and he will build on Alan Mulally's legendary legacy to move the Ford Motor Company confidently into the future. Will there be complications and difficulties? Certainly. Some of those problems will even be generated from within the Ford Motor Company itself.  I will have more to say on the subject in future columns. - PMD

(Rolls-Royce)
Rolls-Royce Motor Cars celebrated a seminal moment in British automotive history on Sunday, May 4th. Charles Rolls and Henry Royce met for the first time on this date exactly 110 years ago and agreed to form the company that would become synonymous with the very best. Celebrations took place at the Goodwood Motor Circuit in West Sussex and at The Midland Hotel, Manchester. Three very special contemporary Rolls-Royce motor cars – Wraith, Phantom Coupé and Ghost – were displayed at the "Supercar Sunday" Breakfast Club meeting at the Goodwood Motor Circuit, a short distance from the company’s Head Office and Manufacturing Plant. The cars were hosted by a team of Rolls-Royce employees. The event was the largest in the history of the Breakfast Club, with 1000 cars on display inside the circuit and more than 14,000 visitors.

(BMW)
BMW has announced a limited run of 30 copies of the new 30th Anniversary Edition BMW M5 for 2015, the BMW M5 “30 Jahre M5”. A total of 300 examples will be built worldwide, with 30 imported to the United States. Billed as not only the most powerful M5 ever sold but also the most powerful BMW production model ever, the BMW M5 “30 Jahre M5” will have an output of 600hp and 516 lb-ft of torque. Starting at $138,275, including destination and handling and including a bunch of details not mentioned here, the first 29 copies of the 30th Anniversary Edition BMW M5 will be offered to the first 29 customers who reserve it by dialing the dedicated BMW Customer Relations hotline at 1:00pm EDT (10:00am PDT), on Wednesday, May 21, 2014 (the number will be revealed in social media promotions). The 30th copy of the Edition will be retained by BMW of North America, LLC, and may be sold at a later date. Purchasers of a 30th Anniversary Edition BMW M5 will be invited to a one-day M Driving School at The Thermal Club, a private motorsports facility in Palm Springs, CA.

Editor-in-Chief's's Note: Our "Quick Take" this week has us in the all-new 2014 BMW 335i xDrive Gran Turismo. As most of our AE readers are well aware, BMW is trying to become the all-things-to-all-people car company (jousting with Mercedes-Benz for the dubious honor) by filling every possible niche - both real and imagined - that company product planners deem worthy. As if the fact that BMW is churning out crossovers in almost every segment wasn't more than enough already, those same product planners had the brilliant idea that BMW had to come up with The Answer to the Honda CrossTour, a motorized abomination of epic proportions, with an abomination of their own - the 5 Series Gran Turismo. Not content to rest on their laurels after unleashing that design atrocity on the highways and byways of America, BMW has now come up with a 3 Series version, and it's equally painful. I have to report that this car doesn't even look like a BMW at all, rather, it looks like a hatchback Honda Accord that was inspired by the CrossTour, if you can imagine that unholy combo. It is so resolutely unattractive that is simply shocking to contemplate. Not to mention the fact that the tester stickered for a whopping $60,000, which is simply absurd. At least the machine was loaded with all the good high-performance stuff, which made you forget the ugliness hanging out behind you as you went down the road. And it drove exceedingly well, as if the engineers said to themselves, "Yah, well you can shove that turkey down our throats, but at least it's going to drive like a BMW." Quick, nimble, responsive, all of the worthwhile BMW characteristics came to the fore in the driving, thank goodness. Except that we have to put up with BMW's annoying habit of announcing every single piece of technology they come up with like they're announcing the undiscovered tablets belonging to Moses or something. To that end we have to put up with this litany of stuff from BMW: Driving Dynamics Control, Dynamic Stability Control, Dynamic Traction Control, Dynamic Brake Control, Cornering Brake Control, etc., etc., blah-blah-blah. It's beyond tedious. I have an idea, how about Initial Cap Control for the next option from BMW? But the really sad thing about this car is that it shouldn't exist at all. You can get all of the good stuff in a 3 Series sedan or a 4 Series Coupe and be perfectly happy, or go with a BMW crossover if you need utility and not have to drive around with a full car cover on, like a refugee from an Enterprise rental car commercial. The BMW 335i xDrive Gran Turismo is the direct result of BMW product planners listening only to the dulcet tones of their own voices, and ignoring every last lick of common sense. It's this year's leading candidate for The Answer to the Question that Absolutely No One was Asking. Pathetic. - PMD

2014 BMW 335i xDrive Gran Turismo: $60,250 ($46,850 Base Price; Glacier Silver Metallic, $550; Coral Red/Black Dakota Leather interior; 3.0-liter, twin-turbocharged, direct fuel-injected, inline 6-cylinder engine with 300HP and 295 lbs-ft of torque; 8-speed automatic transmission; xDrive all-wheel-drive system, Driving Dynamics Control, Dynamic Stability Control, Dynamic Traction Control; High-performance, lightweight 4-wheel ventilated disc brakes with Dynamic Brake Control and Cornering Brake Control; 18" alloy wheels; Xenon adaptive headlights with dynamic auto-leveling and LED accent lights; 8-way power front seats with driver's seat memory; 3-spoke leather-wrapped multi-function sport steering wheel; Bluetooth wireless technology; iDrive system with 6.5" full-color flat-screen display, AM/FM/CD/MP3 player audio system with HD radio; 2-way power glass panoramic sunroof; M Sport Package - 18" wheels, all-season tires, Sport seats, High-gloss black trim highlight, Aluminum hexagon interior trim, M steering wheel, Aerodynamics kit, Shadowline exterior trim, Anthracite headliner - $3,100; Cold Weather Package - Heated steering wheel, Heated front seats, Heated rear seats, retractable headlight washers - $950; Dynamics Handling Package - Adaptive M suspension, Variable sport steering - $1,000; Premium Package - Comfort access keyless entry, Lumbar support, Satellite radio with one year subscription - $2,200; Technology Package - Navigation system with touch pad, Head-up display, BMW online, Advanced RTTI, Remote services, BMW apps, etc. - $3,150; M Sport brakes, $650; Harmon Kardon surround sound, $875; Destination charge, $925)

Adherence to Brand Image: If you dig deep to find the "real" BMW in the machines still worthy of the company's legacy, then you're liable to still be pleased with what you'll find. If you look hard enough, they're there. But the more vehicles BMW comes up with that resemble the vague netherworld of mediocrity and blandtastic design somnolence that the 3 Series GT represents, the more BMW strays from its Brand Image. Then again, the BMW Brand Image is blurring so rapidly that it's getting harder to define what it is, exactly. - PMD

 

Letter from L.A.

By Tom Pease

Beverly Hills. This past Saturday I was strolling through The Grove, a local open-air mall known for its faux-Ohio "Town Square" plaza, complete with a "Dancing Waters" fountain, piped in Rat-Pack era music and faux-deco multiplex. I kind of hate the place, but it at least ensured that the adjacent Farmer's Market would never go under since it's kind of The Grove's de facto food court. Plus there's a Nordstrom.

As I was passing the "Dancing Waters" while Sinatra offered to Fly Me to the Moon, I saw that Cadillac had set up a ride-and-drive of the new ELR. Putting on hold my quest for new Topsiders, I sauntered over to sign up.

I kind of felt sorry for the people manning the stage. Although it was about 10 degrees cooler than it had been on say, the 1st, it was still pretty hot and the stage had rather imperfect shade and their stylish outfits looked warm. After signing me in I was led to one of the cars.

I admit that I had liked the looks of the ELR when it was still the Converj and still like it. Unfortunately for GM, when it brings some of these show cars to production they can hardly win for losing: people loved the Camaro as a concept but complain about the squashed-down roof and the sight lines in real-life driving. I read people complaining that the CTS Coupe that hit the streets had a b pillar while the concept didn't and that ruined the car for them. Others complained the styling is too "out there" on the production version. Of course had they given the Camaro a taller roofline or given the CTS coupe a more formal backlight you'd still be hearing the howls of those screaming "too watered down!!"

ELR has a bit of that conundrum, style wise. In cleaving to the shape of the Converj so well, some of the function is crowded out by the form. The belt line is very high and I think you sit lower in the ELR than in the Volt and the fact that I was in a model sporting an all-black interior didn't help the canary in a coal mine feeling. Looking at the back seat after I had adjusted my driving position I noticed that it was very tight. Would I take someone from The Grove to the Beverly Center with someone back there? Sure. But any further than The Grove to say, Burbank would cause friction. I do have to say that it is one of the handsomest interiors I've been in from any manufacturer recently. It is a beautiful design and executed flawlessly with everything you see or touch looking and feeling first-rate. The only one I can think of I've recently seen that looks nicer is the new S-Class. There, I said it.

On the other hand it has CUE. The nice young girl showing me the ELR brightly chirped "if you can use a smartphone, you can use CUE!" I didn't point out what popped into my little round head- that that was an analogy that Cadillac should rethink trumpeting, since if you start fiddling with your iPhone while driving you're going to get a hefty fine and/or some points from the local po-po. You might not want to keep pointing out the similarity of your system if it puts a customer to thinking that finding the defroster is as safe and sane as texting your bestie while driving.

As for driving, it drives. It's relatively frisky and I loved the regen-on-demand paddles that really do slow the car almost to a halt and further the range of electric-only driving. There is a little more tire noise than I would like but that's likely because there's no engine noise to mask it. I would need (and would love to have) some more time than a run around the block to write more about the experience.

A couple of things that I missed: the Volt has a little "chirp" horn that was used when approaching people from behind to gently let people know a car is coming. The ELR doesn't have that feature. I guess they feel either that you should blast the regular horn at pedestrians or perhaps the sheer bling of that grill will be enough to get the attention of that person texting while walking. It's not available with a sunroof. The nice young lady explained they did that to maintain the roofline and still have headroom and that they fool with the aerodynamics. I still want one.

Then there's the price. it starts at $75k and can with options go well over $80k. Granted, there are tax incentives that vary from state to state, but that's a large chunk of cash. Would I personally? Until I hit PowerBall it's a moot point, but sure. I don't need four doors, I like the system where in town I don't use gas but if I want to go to Santa Barbara for lunch I don't need a backup car. As long as GM and Cadillac stand their ground on the pricing and realize that ELR will never be a volume seller they'll be okay. I hope that they will have a supply of drugs for nervous bean-counters in the ranks who will want to offer a free Sonic with purchase.

But please, a sunroof. If Prius can manage it, Cadillac should.

(Photo by Goodguys Rod & Custom Association)
The Black Pearl - a ground-up creation from James Hetfield and Rick Dore, and painted by Darryl Hollenbeck - has won the 2014 Mother's Custom of the Year Award at the Goodguys Rod & Custom Association 32nd All American Get-Together held March 29-30 in Pleasanton, California. The Black Pearl is a one-off custom car built from scratch and not from any specific vehicle. Its handmade body with its sleek lines was inspired by the styling shapes and forms of cars of the 1930s. The car was built by Rick Dore. The body was shaped by Southern Californian Marcel De Lay and then painted by Hollenbeck. The Black Pearl is owned by James Hetfield of the heavy-metal band Metallica. Hollenbeck, one of the most respected painters in the custom car world, is well known for his focus on classic cars of the ’30s, ’40s and ’50s. His masterful work has contributed to a slew of major honors including two prestigious America’s Most Beautiful Roadster awards, the most recent at the 2013 Grand National Roadster Show in Pomona, California. For The Black Pearl’s radiant finish, Hollenbeck used PPG products. He has been spraying PPG products exclusively for the last 25 years and now uses the  ENVIROBASE® High Performance system at his Vintage Color Studio in Concord, California. In addition to the Goodguys award, the Black Pearl won the Sam Barris award and the Custom d’Elegance at the Sacramento Autorama. PPG is the official paint supplier to the Goodguys Rod & Custom Association, one of the world’s largest rod and custom associations with more than 70,000 active members around the globe. The association promotes and produces dynamic automotive events including the annual national show in Columbus, Ohio.