JULY 27, 2016

Editor-In-Chief's Note: According to a report in Automotive News, FCA execs ordered an internal review of its reported sales numbers in mid-2015 and discovered that thousands of vehicle sales reported by FCA's brands didn't have actual buyers. Oops. Don't think there's fire generating that smoke? The investigators from the Securities and Exchange Commission and the Department of Justice obviously think there is. It seems that Sergio's obsession with delivering monthly sales gains at all costs is going to be a very costly decision, which is why he's going to sell the company off as soon as he can lasso a serious buyer. This is going to get real ugly, folks. UPDATE: Upon further review - and with the SEC and DOJ circling around FCA's Auburn Hills, Michigan, campus like sharks - FCA announced on Tuesday afternoon (7/26) that their much ballyhooed 75-month sales streak actually ended - ahem - three years ago at 40 months. This is due, according to FCA, to "a new sales reporting methodology" that is said to be more accurate. Uh-huh, sure. We're all going to have to put fishing waders on to navigate our way through that raging river of unmitigated bullshit. Listen, folks, if you needed any more evidence after all of this time that Sergio Marchionne and his espresso-swilling posse were only out for themselves then you haven't been paying attention. Marchionne's obsession with showing sales gains at all costs has finally exposed him for what he well and truly is: Just your above-average carpetbagging mercenary angling for one last big score. What will the outcome of the DOJ investigation into all of this be? That remains to be seen, but you can bet Marchionne is in feverish talks with the Chinese to cash out, so that he can bail while the bailing is still good. -PMD

Editor's Note: Peter has been relentlessly hammering Sergio Marchionne almost since the day he arrived here after being gifted the assets of the Chrysler Corporation by the Obama administration. Peter has never wavered once from calling out Marchionne and his "espresso swilling minions" as carpet bagging mercenaries out to make one last score. And with the latest news emanating from Auburn Hills, it seems that Peter was right all along. See some of Peter's most recent columns on Marchionne & Co. below. -WG

THE FOOLS ON THE HILL.   4/20/16
GOOGLE IN FINAL NEGOTIATIONS WITH FIAT CHRYSLER ON AN ADVANCED TECHNICAL PARTNERSHIP.  4/26/16
TWO EMPERORS. NO CLOTHES.  5/11/16
MASTERS OF THEIR IMAGINARY UNIVERSE.  7/6/16
A MIDSUMMER NIGHTMARE.  7/13/16
KING CHAOS REIGNS IN AUBURN HILLS.  7/20/16

VW. Editor-In-Chief's Note: VW AG management's latest big revelation? VW executives are breaking with usual policy by letting a region actually decide a vehicle's name. In this case, the U.S. region has been given "permission" to name the new midsize VW crossover coming to the U.S. next year, according to Automotive News. This comes years too late and after VW management saddled U.S. dealers with a series of stupid "T" names like Touareg and Tiguan. Hinrich Woebcken, CEO of VW's new North America region, says that the new crossover will have a "bullish, much easier to pronounce, American-style name" that has already been decided, apparently. We have a few suggestions, one of them even a "T," since this is the "new" VW crossover that's supposed to be the greatest thing since sliced bread, even though it will be a good five years behind the competition. Let's see there's "Tusker," "Ballzer," "Kongster," "Suburbial" and the always alluring "COOi" - which stands for "Completely Out Of ideas." -PMD

Editor-In-Chief's Note: "St. Elon" Musk's latest "Master Plan, Part Deux" is chock-full of so much hype and unmitigated bullshit that it's a wonder that anyone - short of his rabid acolytes - can take any of it seriously. EVs for every segment - including semi-trucks and buses - when he can barely even build the cars he offers now with even a modicum of quality? This on top of promising 500,000 Model 3s by 2018? It's time to move along, there's nothing to see here. -PMD

(Audi images)
The all-new 2017 Audi allroad is coming here in the fall. Equipped with a newly redesigned five-link suspension with standard adaptive dampers and an all-new standard quattro all-wheel drive with ultra® technology, Audi is aiming the new A4 allroad at enthusiasts bored with SUVs and crossovers. The all-new A4 allroad also features a redesigned 2.0-liter TFSI® engine with a seven-speed S tronic dual-clutch automatic transmission for the first time. Audi says that the new transmission "melds efficiency with dynamic shifting for an overall sportier drive." As for the "ultra" quattro all-wheel drive system on the A4 allroad, Audi says that it is "optimized for performance and efficiency." The new drivetrain utilizes an electronic multi-plate clutch along with a decoupling rear axle differential to achieve fully variable torque distribution. This quattro system with ultra technology "allows for intelligent, proactive control of the all-wheel drive system to predictively modify the torque application as the driver demands or the road conditions require," according to Audi. We'll be the judge of that. Other details? The new standard adaptive dampers offer five drive-select modes; comfort, auto, dynamic, individual, and offroad. It not only sits 34 mm higher when compared to the A4 sedan, the allroad has enhanced underbody protection, wheel arches with cladding, raised aluminum roof rails, side sills with matte silver inserts and hill descent control. The allroad also comes equipped with a standard panoramic sunroof, leather seating surfaces and three-zone automatic climate control. Pricing? allroad Premium: $44,000. allroad Premium Plus: $47,000. allroad Premium Prestige: $51,400. It will be an interesting "we'll see" if the new allroad can become anything more than a fringe player in Audi's U.S. lineup.

(BMW images)
BMW Motorrad has introduced the new BMW R nineT Scrambler, "created for motorcycle fans who love things that are purist, reduced to the essentials and non-conformist - combined with the technology and quality of a BMW." Featuring the classic air/oil-cooled boxer with a capacity of 1,170 cc, the the new BMW R nineT Scrambler delivers an output of 81 kW (110 hp) at 7,750 rpm, develops a maximum torque of 116 Nm at 6,000 rpm and. Equipped with a tuned suspension and alloy wheels, the R nineT Scrambler has ABS braking as standard and is fitted with 4-piston calipers, steel-wrapped brake lines and 320-millimeter brake discs at the front. A single-disc brake with a diameter of 265 millimeters and a 2-piston floating caliper is at the rear. The new BMW R nineT Scrambler is available in a "Monolith" metallic matte finish. The bike's "classic, purist character" is enhanced by black-coated components such as the frame, swinging arm, wheels, fork slider tubes and engine housing, according to BMW.

(Mecum Auctions)

Mecum Monterey 2016 will offer a spectacular, specially-built 1980 Porsche Bisimoto 911BR (Lot S40) with all proceeds to benefit Boys Republic. Extensively modified by Bisi Ezerioha of Bisimoto, this superb 1980 Porsche 911 has been back-dated to look like the previous generation 911 produced from 1969-1973. You can imagine Steve McQueen - the “King of Cool” - commissioning this machine as his personal Porsche 911 if he were still with us. No expense was spared on this bespoke Porsche. Painted in McQueen’s favorite Porsche color of Slate Gray with Fuchs-inspired alloy wheels, the machine is powered by a 3.6 liter 911 engine and features a late model GT3 intake manifold, fully sequential fuel injection and a custom fabricated pulse chamber exhaust system that produces 316 horsepower in the featherweight, 2,400 pound car. The classic lowered stance features a subtle, 1-½ degree of rake toward the front for the right amount of "outlaw" look. The rear suspension has been updated with a custom made coil over arrangement, a dramatic improvement over the original torsion bar configuration. Since McQueen was a lover of all things mechanical - including aircraft and motorcycles - the seats are of an aircraft-inspired design in hand formed bare aluminum. The steering wheel is a Momo Prototipo, said to be the late actor's favorite. The project came together with tremendous support from Southern California stalwarts Bisimoto Engineering and McKenna Porsche. The auction will take place on August 18-20 at the Hyatt Regency Monterey Hotel and Spa - Del Monte Golf Course in Monterey, California.

Porsche. Editor-In-Chief's Note: Porsche, AE's reigning Brand Image Meter king for the second straight year, has announced that it will be skipping the 2017 Detroit Auto Show. Not only has the cost of appearing at the Detroit Show become prohibitive, according to Reuters and other media sources, but the value of being in Detroit became suspect. Porsche has decided to focus on two shows instead: New York and Los Angeles, its single most important market. The homers around these part may cry foul, but this is a good move on Porsche's part. The Detroit Auto Show is important but this market isn't important to Porsche, so the company is making the right decision for the brand. -PMD