ON THE TABLE - SEPTEMBER 25, 2013

     Sergio Marchionne. Editor-in-Chief's Note: The Great Sergio is bluffing his way through a phony Chrysler IPO as he negotiates with the UAW Retiree Medical Benefits Trust. This just in - as if there's anyone left out there who can't see through Sergio's ruse - the IPO will never happen. The two sides will come to an agreement despite Sergio harrumphing his way between New York and Auburn Hills and whining to the media - his specialty, of course - that the sky will fall at any moment. It should be noted that for the first time since Sergio walked across the Atlantic to save the poor souls at Chrysler he is not in control. The self-proclaimed "maestro" is hard up against it and he's not happy about it either. This wasn't The Plan after all. Sergio's insatiable desire to be known as the industry's G.O.A.T. could be derailed by this episode and he's royally pissed-off about it. Sergio's ascendency to automotive sainthood will have to be put on hold until he gets this deal done. But then again it was always about The Money, wasn't it, Sergio? It wasn't about saving the wayward souls toiling away in the dungeons of Chrysler, it wasn't about doing what's right for the American industrial fabric and the city of Detroit, it wasn't about helping out the Obama administration when they had their backs against the wall, was it? No, it wasn't. It was about the cold, hard cash, as much as the genuflecting hordes in the media try to paint it otherwise. The Bottom Line? Sergio must make a deal because without Chrysler's pile of ca$h Fiat is flat dead in the water, a smoldering wreckage of a pitifully mediocre industrial legacy left by the side of the road. In other words, too fucking bad, Sergio, as we like to say here in the Motor City. - PMD

    Hour Detroit Magazine, Sheryl James. Editor-in-Chief's Note: We have seen some slobbering puff pieces in the fourteen years of doing this publication, but nothing, and I mean nothing tops the excruciatingly embarrassing piece about Dan Akerson that showed up in the October issue of Hour Detroit - "metropolitan Detroit's monthly magazine" - as it calls itself. That Hour is an advertising revenue-generating vehicle interspersed with pictures and an occasional article worth a glance masquerading as a big city magazine isn't the issue here. The powers that be behind the magazine like to pretend otherwise, but that's exactly what it is and everyone knows it. So you'll never find the term "editorial credibility" bandied about in any discussion of the magazine. And how this story happened isn't hard to figure out either. Selim Bingol, who plies his trade as the loveable Captain Queeg's PR guy, clearly reeled one in, hook, line and sinker this time. It's Bingol's job to paint Akerson - an unctuous prick of the first rank - to the media as a caring, altruistic patriot who is just helping out GM at great personal and financial sacrifice because he's a nice guy. Most of the keyboard pounding wretches plying their trade as automotive journalists see right through that smoke screen and act accordingly. (I said most, because there are a few out there who haven't gotten the memo.) As for Ms. James credentials, whatever shred of credibility she once had has been blown to smithereens with this dive into journalistic comedy. After reading this unmitigated bullshit - the whole piece could be labeled as fiction - a few things stand out. Not far into the piece, James refers to Akerson's "stellar career record." Really? Even the laziest journalists covering the auto beat know that Akerson's record is far from stellar. In fact, he retreated back to the waiting arms of his Private Equity cronies whenever his latest management stint didn't really pan out. But that's okay, once you're in the PE Club, all is forgiven, and repeatedly too. Bill Conway, co-CEO and co-founder of the Carlyle Group, told James that, in referring to Akerson's stint at GM, "He's risking his reputation, which is extremely important to him." Awww, really? And here we thought Captain Queeg was doing it For the Love of the Game. But nothing tops what Bob Schieffer, the co-host of CBS' Face the Nation, had to say about his pal Dan: "He didn't need this. But the President asked him to do it, and he did it. He did it for patriotic reasons." Huh? Yes, that just happened. Dan's doing it for patriotic reasons? Wow, this changes everything. The last time we heard that around here was when Steve Feinberg, the CEO of Cerberus Capital Management, said he wanted to get involved with Chrysler (after they flat stole it from Daimler) for patriotic reasons. We all know how that turned out. At any rate, after reading James' article (it went downhill from there) about some guy named Dan Akerson who allegedly runs GM - my moles down at the RenCen were laughing so hard at the absurdity of the piece they couldn't muster words to describe their disgust - I just had to step back and take it for what it is: a fictional account told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing. - PMD

   Dan Akerson. GM's loveable Captain Queeg, aka Dan "I'm Just A Patriot Looking Out For America's Little People" Akerson, in telling the media that GM will take on Tesla, boasts that, “We’ll sell more Volts and lose less money on the Volts than they’ll lose on the Model S.” That sound you hear? It's the whoosh of sighs coming from the True Believers within GM who would rather that Akerson just shut up, because his blunderbuss posturing and insulting style - minus even a shred of credibility in this business to back it up - have gone beyond the tedious and tiresome stage and progressed to the flat-out embarrassing stage. And until Akerson leaves next May or thereabouts, there's not a damn thing anyone can do about it.

 Fiat-Chrysler. The return of Alfa Romeo to the United States has been pushed back until the second quarter of 2014, according to Fiat-Chrysler. To that we'll add a giant "We'll see."

(Images courtesy of Porsche Cars North America)
Fifty years after the 911 made its debut and coinciding with the 40th anniversary of the 911 Turbo, Porsche is adding two new models to its 911 range: the 911 Turbo Cabriolet and 911 Turbo S Cabriolet.

The twin-turbocharged 3.8-liter six-cylinder engine delivers 520 hp in the 911 Turbo Cabriolet and 560 hp in the S model. The cars accelerate from zero to 60mph in 3.3 and 3.1 seconds respectively, reaching a top speed of up to 195 mph. The 911 Turbo Cabriolet and 911 Turbo S Cabriolet have EPA fuel consumption ratings of 17.0 mpg city and 24.0 mpg highway in the U.S.

The interior of the new Cabriolet models mirrors that of the 911 Turbo Coupe. The S-model offers even more, including an exclusive interior available in Black/Carrera Red and adaptive Sport Seats Plus with 18-way adjustment and memory. In addition, the backrest shells of the seats are leather trimmed with double stitched seams, and various elements are made from lightweight carbon fiber. As with predecessor models, the Bose sound system is fitted as standard, and for the first time, a Burmester sound system is available as an option. The radar-controlled adaptive Cruise Control system, camera-based road sign and speed limit recognition function and reverse camera are also available as options.

The new 911 Turbo Cabriolet models will be launched in this market in early 2014. Cost? The 911 Turbo Cabriolet will sticker for $160,700 and the new 911 Turbo S Cabriolet will cost $193,900. A destination charge of $950 is additional for each model. The 911 Turbo and 911 Turbo S will make their global debut at the Los Angeles International Auto Show on November 20, 2013.

(Images courtesy of Ford)
Ford introduced the 2015 F-Series Super Duty lineup today (September 27) at the State Fair of Texas. The truck features a second-generation 6.7-liter Power Stroke® V8 turbo diesel engine and increased towing capabilities. The lineup also includes a refreshed, Texas-inspired King Ranch model. The F-Series design team traveled to King Ranch, founded in 1853, for fresh perspective and inspiration from the 825,000-acre working ranch, which is bigger than the state of Rhode Island. “What really stood out is how prominent the ‘Running W’ is, and how it defines and unifies the ranch,” said Barb Whalen, Ford color and material design manager. “Similarly, we wanted that brand to define the new Super Duty King Ranch.” The Running W – the brand used on cattle raised at the ranch – provides a focal point for the new Super Duty King Ranch interior. It is cut out and stitched to make the seat backs and center console appear to have been branded. A lighter, richer shade of Mesa leather trims the seats, center console lid, armrests and steering wheel, according to Ford. Exterior updates include the new, darker Caribou paint for the wheel lip moldings, bumpers and lower body. The bed rail caps, bumper caps and running boards are executed in black. The Running W brings focus to the wheel caps as well.

(GOODGUYS)
For the second time this season, a car from Memphis-based hot rodder George Poteet's stable has grabbed a signature award from the Goodguys Rod & Custom Association. George’s “Hugger Orange” 1934 Ford, built by the talented Dave Lane of Fastlane Rod Shop, captured the Goodguys 2013 Tank’s Hot Rod of the Year award at last weekend’s 3rd Speedway Nationals held on the hallowed grounds of Indianapolis Motor Speedway. Earlier this summer, Poteet’s ’69 Torino drove off with the Goodguys 2013 Optima Batteries Street Machine of the Year award in Columbus, Ohio. Sandwiched between the two big wins was a trip to race at the Bonneville Salt Flats in August where he raced to the fastest speed in the SCTA record books – an eye-popping 437.183mph behind the wheel of the Poteet & Main streamliner. 

(GOODGUYS)
In the Tank Hot Rod of the Year competition, a car’s agility, road worthiness and performance is factored in as well as its look and build quality. All entrants must take a 100-mile drive around Indianapolis as well as do a pass down a drag strip (Muncie Dragway in this instance) doing a smoky burnout and racing to the 1/8th mile as fast as possible. Poteet's ’34 project started with a body from Steve’s Auto Restoration in Oregon that was already chopped with reclined windshield posts and a filled insert. Once Lane got his hands on the car, hours were spent moving things around to fine-tune the subtle proportions like the front fender beads, the pie-cut hood, the relocated upper door hinge, custom filler panels, hidden fasteners, and more. The handmade chassis features a Winter’s quickchange on a ladder bar and transverse leaf system in the rear. For the perfect hot rod rake Lane went with a 4” dropped front axle with JRI shocks and modified So-Cal brakes up front. Real Rodder’s wheels, 15” kidney beans and 16” big windows complete the ‘60s hot rod vibe.

(GOODGUYS)
The interior is also ‘60s competition-styled with an NOS Covico steering wheel and a collection of rare Greenline gauges. The dash was modified for the gauges and a pair of ’65 Impala seats were narrowed. Dave and Sally Schober handled the black leatherwork. There’s also a roll bar, one-off pedal pads, and a ’64 Galaxie armrest.

(GOODGUYS)
The orange machine is powered by a mint ‘65 Buick Nailhead V8 ground smooth and built by Russell Martin with Ross pistons, Hilborn injection and custom headers. It has a Richmond transmission with a Hurst shifter.

(Toyota)
For those already lamenting the soon-to-be-unavailable V8-powered BMW M3, the 2014 Lexus IS F has an aluminum 5.0-liter V8 that delivers 416-horsepower at 6,600 rpm and 371 lb.-ft. of peak torque at 5,200 rpm. Features of this V8? A forged crankshaft with mirror-finish polished journals, forged sintered iron alloy connecting rods, high-flow cylinder heads designed by Yamaha, lightweight hollow, chain-driven camshafts with forged lobes, titanium valves operated by roller rocker arms, dual air-intake system to maximize power at all engine speeds, scavenge pump ensures a reliable oil supply even during cornering that exceeds 1 g, and Variable Valve Timing with intelligence by an electric motor (VVT-iE) to expand VVT operational range to lower engine speeds. Now in its seventh year, the IS F gains interior and trim changes including LED foglamps (bulbs changed to LEDs), a carbon fiber rear spoiler, headrests embossed with “F” logo, Alcantara (black) trim added to doors and center console cover, black full semi-aniline leather-trimmed seats (replaces black Alcantara and leather-trimmed seats) and red leather-trimmed seats receive black Alcantara inserts with red perforation and black leather-trimmed headrests.

Letter from L.A.

By Tom Pease

Beverly Hills. This past Friday was the annual Alt Car Expo in Santa Monica, the ultimate land of Green Cred. As usual, I took public transport there, since I don't feel like paying the earth to park to see what new earth-saving autos are out there.

 This year was less marked by what was there than what wasn't. Coda and Fisker weren't for obvious reasons. A surprise no-show was Tesla, but perhaps they didn't want to soil themselves with such close proximity to the more plebeian offerings from Toyota or Chevy. Several smaller manufacturers were there showing off mini-Segway-looking scooters, electric bicycles and solar-powered whatnot. Even METRO was there showing an alt-powered bus. Having used METRO recently I rather churlishly thought that I didn't care if my bus was powered by solar cells, CNG, pixie dust or coal as long as I didn't have to wait 45 minutes for it to show up and had the chance of getting a seat.

As a matter of fact, this was a rather dull event, with a distinct sense of déjà vu- most of the cars there had been there before, although some had been revised.

Ford was there with the C-Max hybrid with the nifty trunk lid that releases when you wave your foot under it, which would be a great boon when you're coming up with an armload of packages. That is, if it worked. Now, this was only one car but the nice Ford person had his Chuck Taylor so far up the rear end of the car it was practically proctological, and the hatch still was firmly shut. Finally after a lot of dancing around and kicking things it opened. I'd hate to be trying that with groceries or luggage. The car itself drove well and had some nice features including a great sunroof. Ford also had the Focus, but I didn't wait to drive it since I had done so at a previous event. The booth also boasted friendly people and cookies. I'm all for that.

By contrast, the Chevy tent had different teas, nutrition bars, seating areas and free Volt sunglasses. It also had staff that was the least interested in actually getting you into a car, and once you were in there actually talking to you. Since my godchild is in college, I had thought that my days of driving truculent teenagers around Santa Monica in wounded silence was over, however... They had the Spark EV, which will be a great car for college campuses or as second cars for towns where you would put 50 or so miles a day in errands. There isn't much else to say about it. It redefines adequate, and is about as compelling and fun as a washing machine. The Volt was there and I drove it again and reminded myself how much I liked it.

The poor diesel Cruze was sitting at the back of the tent like an unloved pup, which was too bad. It's not as flashy as the Volt but a lot more put together than the Spark with a far nicer interior. It does have a bit of diesel clatter but is fairly quick. I'm just not sure that it's worth the few grand extra over the gas-powered one for a minor bump in gas mileage.

Next up was Toyota. They had the Rav-4, which I care only incrementally less about in EV. The Prius plug-in was there as well and, well, it's a Prius. Personally I think it's a rolling testament as to why you should get a Volt, but if you like it good for you.

The Nissan Leaf was there and I was told that they now have worked out the software issue that made the super-rapid charging an issue with the batteries on the first two model years. So if you can find one, charge away.

Mercedes was there again with the F-Cell. It still sucks. Regenerative braking is so aggressive it feels like I dropped anchor; it's so excessive that I actually fear causing an accident in the real world since a following car would not expect such a rapid deceleration without a brake light flashing. Honda was there with the Clarity, which I still think Mercedes should go over and test-drive. The Honda drives like a car, not a small branch library, and is able to fill up at many more of the (few and far between) hydrogen stations since the Honda only needs 5k PSI while the F-Cell is happier with 10k. The man who showed me the Civic version was (unlike the Mercedes people) friendly and knowledgeable, not only telling me of a public station closer to my 'hood but telling me the name of a company that will, for a few grand, put in your own station at home that will run off your own home gas line.

So all in all, it was an interesting morning. It didn't really tell me a lot that I already didn't know, but who doesn't like getting cookies and swag to drive cars? There was one thing that stuck with me, however - when testing the Leaf I had passengers (they didn't want to wait in line) who asked about the battery warranty and replacement costs. The answer from the Nissan guy was non-committal - prices are falling, etc. He said something to the effect of "most of our customers are going to lease the car and not worry about the battery down the road."

Only in LA would people insist on recyclable shopping bags yet drive disposable cars...

(Photo by Tom Pease)

Editor-in-Chief's Note: Forget about the car business for a moment and watch this long-form video presented by Chipotle here. Worth it. - PMD

Editor-in-Chief's Note: Watch Top Gear's tribute to the British motoring industry here. - PMD

Editor-in-Chief's Note: Jeremy Clarkson's heartfelt driving impression of the Aston Martin Vantage and his commentary on the twilight of the high-performance automobile is simply one of the most powerful pieces of its kind ever created. Brilliantly written and graced with absolutely stunning visuals, it will resonate for years and years to come. As he says,"What it makes me feel though, is sad. I just can't help thinking that, thanks to all sorts of things... the environment, the economy, problems in the Middle East, the relentless war on speed, cars like this will soon be consigned to the history books. I just have this horrible, dreadful feeling that what I'm driving here... is an ending." Amen. Watch it here. - PMD