ON THE TABLE

March 23, 2011

Editor's Note: Now that Detroit is front and center in the news once again - this time because of its dramatic population decline in the 2010 census - we just love the barrage of instant experts weighing in on how to 'fix' the city. (The stuff in AdAge of late in particular has been excruciatingly lame.) The Motor City has become the cause du jour for the so-called creative class, and its members are all too happy to heap praise on what a rich opportunity this town presents - it's a blank canvas, ripe for innovation and entrepreneurs, blah, blah, blah.... Talk about late to the party - like 40 years late. Detroit has been in decline for decades but all of a sudden it's on the radar screen as a great 'creative project' - a fixer-upper, if you will. Isn't that special? Most conspicuous in this discussion are the out-of-town Shiny Happy Ad People who have landed in Detroit to work on the auto accounts. And guess what? They think Detroit is great - just brimming with potential. Why, one ad principal is even considering buying a big house in Detroit so his staff can make extended visits to town! Wow, that's HUGE! Isn't a tax write-off always better than a bunch of silly hotel expense account reports? It is tedious beyond belief to have to endure this drivel, not to mention just a bit disingenuous - especially in the case of the late-arriving ad types (yeah, you know who you are). They are here because there's money to be made from the auto companies, pure and simple. Would they come here voluntarily? Not on your life. And please stop making a big deal about setting up shop in downtown Detroit rather than in the suburbs - it's dirt cheap, people, not some grand gesture in urban renewal. And of course these Detroit 'saviors' are rooting for Detroit's comeback - it means they'll all get to keep their jobs. Bottom line: It's all too easy to talk about potential and innovation and 'BIG IDEAS' for Detroit when you spend all of your non-working hours at the bar of the Book Cadillac Hotel. Oh, and one more thing - that Idea: Detroit Conference yesterday where everyone was lauding the idea of sleeping bag coats for the homeless? How about fucking homes for the homeless????? - WG

Editor-in-Chief's Note: Instead of more Shiny Happy ad types offering their "cool ideas," this city needs two things, desperately. 1. A city manager appointed by the State with ultimate hiring and firing power. Mayor Dave Bing is trying his best but there's such a legacy of built-in, Bush League Bureaucratic Bullshit and a rampant entitlement mentality that courses through the veins of the Detroit city government and its ineffectual city council that his hands are tied. In other words, he can't get it done, just like the last Mayor (pre-Kwame) who was worth a shit - Dennis Archer - couldn't get it done. Until the city council and the rest of the bureaucratic paralysis are dealt with severely and swiftly, it won't matter how much Shiny Happy goodwill and cool ideas our new creative friends generate. 2. The new city manager would and should have the power to immediately and permanently disband the school board until a permanent new head with balls to Do the Right Thing is appointed. Unless the cesspool masquerading as city government and the woefully embarrasing school situation is finally addressed - and fixed - this city won't be the 18th largest city in the 2020 census, instead it will fall right off of the frickin' map. - PMD

 Bob King. From "The Shit Disturber Cometh" File, comes word that Bob King tells his adoring delegates at the UAW bargaining convention that the union will build alliances with other unions in order to facilitate its membership drives at German and Asian plants. Really? That's a winning strategy? Good luck with that. King also predictably told reporters that Alan Mulally's compensation package was "outrageous" and "morally wrong" but that his comments didn't mean that Ford would be the UAW target. What a bunch of bullshit.

The Motor City. From the "Can It Get Any More Grim Here?" File comes word that Detroit's population has plunged 25 percent -- to 713,777 people -- according to the 2010 U.S. Census, the lowest count for the city since 1910. That's down 237,493 residents from 2000. Detroit was once the fourth-largest city in the U.S. Now, it's 18th, below Austin and Fort Worth, Texas; Charlotte, Jacksonville and Columbus, Ohio. Detroit's precipitous drop in population rivals the 29 percent drop by New Orleans after Hurricane Katrina, although Detroit lost more people than New Orleans, which lost 139,834. With its founding automobile industry decimated by global economic pressures and the massive contraction and layoffs that ensued, and a city that's been the poster child for the term Bureaucratic Quagmire for going on 30 years, the Motor City is running on about three of its eight cylinders. Needless to say, it's a Cobo Hall-sized bowl of Not Good.

Editor-in-Chief's Note: Our "Quick Take" this week covers the 2011 Lincoln MKZ Hybrid. First things first about our Ingot Silver Metallic/Dark Charcoal tester, the thing gets impressive mileage in urban driving. Rated at 41 in the city and 36 on the highway, we got between 36-38 in combined driving without trying very hard. Pretty impressive. But beyond the mileage there's not much interest here. While Lincoln is in its holding pattern for the next-generation 2012 MKZ - the first of the new-wave Lincolns - the current car is showing its age and then some. The interior in particular is just a blah environment that has an overall dated feel, even though the actual instrumentation for the Hybrid system is clever and engaging. The larger Lincoln MKS has a much more desirable interior environment befitting a Lincoln, there's no doubt. But in the end if you're looking for impressive real-world mileage from an American-sourced car company and the Fusion Hybrid doesn't do it for you, the MKZ delivers at least that part of the driving experience as advertised. - PMD

2011 Lincoln MKZ HYBRID: $39,270, ($34,330 Base Price; 2.5L I4 HEV, E-CVT automatic transmission; Rapid Spec 201A - Navigation Package, Navigation System Voice-Activate, BLIS with Cross traffic Alert, Rear View Video Camera, THX II Sound System with 5.1 Surround - $3595; Executive Package, $495; Destination & Delivery, $850).