February 10, 2010

I'm still standin'.

By Dr. Bud E. Bryan

Austin. Well shit, it seems like the whole world has blowed-up real good since I last showed up here. My beloved Longhorns came up short in the BCS championship game, Danica is dipping her toe into NASCAR, we were all bored with another State of the Union speech (they really need to rethink that whole damn deal), Michael Schumacher is coming out of retirement to race in F1, and the New Orleans Saints are the brand-spanking-new Champions of the NFL. I gotta admit, I knew the Longhorns would be in for a tough fight, and too much money was waved at Danica for her not to try her hand at NASCAR, but I didn't see Schumacher coming back, and I definitely didn't see the Saints winning the Super Bowl.

I never thought I'd see the Saints do it in my lifetime.

Oh hell, I'm happy for the Saints and the city, that's for sure. If you've ever been to New Orleans pre-Katrina and then visited the city now, the devastation is still visible and you don't have to go very far to see it either.  So that town - and that team - needed a break and they played a great game and together they deserve all the partyin' they can possibly stand. I just wish I was there tonight for that huge victory parade.

What else? I've read with interest as Peter has smoked out the story about the changes that are coming to NASCAR. If there's ever been a racing organization that needed a big boot in the ass, it's that bunch in Daytona Beach. The whole thing is so damn tired I can barely even muster the energy to write about it. I'm not going to regurgitate all of the glaring problems either, because if you've read this website at all over the years you can probably recite them in your sleep. All I know is that it has to change, and quick. And yes, I'll watch the 500 on Sunday - at least the first 50 and the last 25 laps anyway - but after that, I can't be bothered.

On the domestic front all I can say is the more you know, the more you just never know.

Jolene and I spent a really nice ten days together over the holidays and through the New Year, then she up and email dumped me when she got back to L.A. She said we were through, and this time for good, that I'd never change and that the fact I'd even think of seeing Janey while we were still in flux was just so offensive to her that she just couldn't take it for one more minute. So, she's coming back at the end of this month to collect her things and move out, either back to L.A. for work or somewhere else. I don't know, I never replied to the email to find out.

And let's see, I had to cool-off Jesse - the coed/aspiring writer I've been mentoring - because all of a sudden she showed up and it was clear that writing wasn't on her mind. Instead of her casual coed wear of jeans and a simple sweater, she appeared at the table at Whole Foods wearing a form-fitting black micro mini skirt that looked like it was made out of spandex, 5" shiny black CFM pumps, a lavender scooped neck top with more than a hint of cleavage, her hair piled up on the top of her head, black horn-rimmed glasses, and some diamond stud earrings that were big enough to matter. All this at 8:00AM on a Thursday morning. She was going for that sexy librarian look to purposely taunt me - because she knows exactly what I like - and, as she slid into the chair next to me and pulled herself close, I knew we weren't going to be discussing the tone and direction of her latest writing assignment.

After gathering my wits about me and taking a deep breath, I quickly determined that this girl was a runaway freight train just itching to take me to a different zip code. And in a brief moment of insanity I actually thought that if it weren't for the fact that she's Janey's daughter Molly's friend, I might just take a run at her. Oh hell, what was I thinking? Janey would hoist me up by my balls and hang me from the capitol, and besides, she's 20. I haven't seen her since, despite her emailing and texting me constantly. And if you're reading this, Jesse - and I know you are, darlin' - you just gotta understand that the ol' Budster can't go there with you. Maybe in another lifetime but not now, and most likely not ever.

As for Janey, we've been pretty cozy, I must admit. I even made a trip to see her at her home up in Dallas, so she could take a break from her Austin visits. As I fully expected, her home was decorated with impeccable taste and it felt totally comfortable to me. Shockingly so, as matter of fact. I planned on staying overnight on a Saturday, but I didn't get home until Tuesday morning. That's how comfortable it was.

She's a great gal, and I really can't say enough about her, but something else is gnawing at me.

Something I just can't go into here.

But it has sent me into a complete tailspin, to the point I've begged-off seeing Janey and I've even skipped-out on a couple of liquid lunches with Nadine.

And it's caused my mortality to creep up on me big-time.

Now I'm living a life of quiet desperation, dwelling on fleeting moments of time that slipped through my hands, longing for something I'm never going to have...

As Ryan Bingham wrote in "The Weary Kind," his Academy Award nominated song from "Crazy Heart"...

And this ain’t no place for the weary kind
And this ain’t no place to lose your mind
And this ain’t no place to fall behind
Pick up your crazy heart and give it one more try

Adios until the next time.