No. 876
December 7, 2016
 

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Road Kill


Friday
Nov252016

I JUST "GOTS" TO KNOW.

By Dr. Bud E. Bryan

Austin. Greetings to all you WebVillians. Yes, I know, I've been missing from these pages for so long half of you figured I died or something. I'm happy to say, however, that reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated, even though judging by the tone of some of the emails Peter and WG have passed along to me, I'm figurin' that there's a sizable contingent out there that was hoping I had trotted off of this Mortal Coil.

"What's been happening, Bud?" at least a handful of you out there have been wondering. In fact, you're probably saying right about now - as one of the bad guys in "Dirty Harry" muttered to Clint Eastwood as he was aiming a .44 Magnum at him - wondering if he had fired five shots, or six, "I just gots to know."

Well, life is messy as I've said a time or two. And "they" say life is supposed to get easier as we get older. Well "they" don't have a frickin' clue as to what they're talking about.

Her Hotness, the fiery Nadine and I are blissfully coexisting, sort of, but she spends two weeks out of the month in San Antonio looking after her parents. Her mom has recovered from her stroke of a couple of years ago but they're both getting on in years so Nadine is hell-bent on making sure they have the best care possible. So, it has been tough on her, but she is doing a tremendous job and I'm very proud of her. And we have plenty of time for football watchin' and drinkin', which remain our two dedicated pastimes.

And the lovely Jolene is as lovely as ever, better than ever if I do say so. She is well and busy, and we spend at least a day a week together, if not more. Yes, Nadine is occupied with her parents, and no, she's not really bothered with this arrangement. As she has told me repeatedly, "Jolene is the only other woman I don't have a problem with when it comes to you, Bud. We understand each other."

I know some of you out there are saying right about now, Bud, you are one crazy - and lucky you aren't dead - sumbitch. I cannot disagree with that statement. Is it all roses and rainbows? Uh, nope. I tried to explain to Nadine one night about the love I have for both her and Jolene by saying, "It's like you occupy two separate but equal hemispheres in my universe and..." at which point I had to stop that line of reasoning in order to duck when she threw a faux Ming Dynasty vase at me from across the room (a big arm Nadine has, believe me). I never liked that piece of shit vase anyway.

Needless to say I can't explain the situation, and it's best to not even try to verbalize it, because the more I talk about it the worse it sounds, apparently. Let's just say it's working, for now at least.

What else? Well, as you readers might recall, I have gotten in so much trouble for talking about my dangerous liaisons on these pages, that it's crazy for me to do so. But then again, yeah, that's right, I can hear you sayin': "I just gots to know," Part II. So? Here. We. Go.

Crazy Janey, my scrumptious realtor friend from up north, has a beau. Well, that's not exactly accurate. She has an 86-year-old social "companion" that she performs arm candy duties for. As you can probably imagine, he thinks he has died and gone to heaven (she just turned 50). He takes her to all the best social events and all that entails and beyond that, they're just good friends. It's a beautiful arrangement; she even lets The Old Dude see her naked once in a while just to give him a thrill, but that's it. As she put it to me so eloquently one day, "Bud, ol' R.C. is a sweet, lovely and really rich man, but there's one thing he is incapable of doing for me, and that's what I have you for, thank goodness." So, I am basically "on call" for Janey when the need arises. As I said, life is messy sometimes. One hot mess, in this case.

And then there's the beautiful and luscious Jessie, the once-aspiring writer (who's now 30) whom I used to uh, mentor. She's doing very well, outstanding even, and I still see her now and again. No, she's not really doing the kind of writing that she'd like to be doing, but she is getting paid handsomely for expressing her thoughts, which is more than most people get to do, so, as I like to remind her, perspective is a good thing sometimes. She has a big-time beau and they trip the light fantastic, or whatever 30-year-olds do, but as she puts it, "Bud, you will always be my very dear, very special friend." And that's ahem, damn good enough for me.

As for the young one, the "incandescent" beauty with the "chiseled form," The One who, when we were together, time stood still? Well time has gone by. Unfortunately for me, but spectacularly for her. She's still married, has two beautiful children and she looks drop-dead gorgeous, even more so in fact. I had coffee with her about six months ago and it was hard, for both of us. Good, but really, really tough. Because life has moved on, and those fleeting moments we shared will be forever lost in memories that creep back up at the most unexpected times. Like the other day...

I was in town getting out of my car, and I happened to see her across the parking lot walking with her two kids to her car. It was like a scene in my own movie. She didn't see me, but I drank her in from afar. She still takes my breath away, like the moment I first laid eyes on her. I was originally headed to a bookstore, but after that encounter across the parking lot I steered myself to a bar instead. Four hours and way too much tequila later, I had to call for a ride because my brain had "blowed-up real good" as Buddy Baker once famously said. I miss her terribly to this day. Every day. And she still gets to me, every time. The situation is still so hard on the ol' Budster's goddamn crazy heart, I can't frickin' stand it.

Ah well, part of life is learning to live with disappointment. The bitter, High-Octane Truth as ol' Renzo would say.

I need to change the subject, so, how about I discuss the extended driving fleets I have influence over?

It's no news flash that Texas is big pickup truck and SUV country, but Nadine has never been into crossovers, or Escalades, or anything like that. No, she likes cars. Fast cars. And she's partial to cars with the three-pointed star on them. So, about six months ago she was getting her hot rod SL serviced, when she called me from the dealer.

"Bud," she said, "Can you come down here real quick? I want to show you something."

Twenty minutes later I was down there and that "something" was a Mercedes-Benz AMG GT in that gleaming German silver metallic, with a coal black interior. And 90 minutes later - when Nadine sets her mind to doing something, watch out - she was driving it home. I gotta say, it wouldn't be my first choice but dang, it's a magnificent machine.

As for Jolene, she is of a little more practical sort, so she traded in her 3 series BMW a few months ago for a new X1. She loves it and it does everything she wants a car to do plus with a little more usability. I steered her toward the car and she's never looked back. She's happy, which means I'm happy.

But, Janey, well she's a different sort. A high-powered realtor and a quintessential Texas Girl through and through, after she called me one day and hearing her say, "You know when I got my Escalade, I stood out in a crowd. Now, everyone is driving 'em. I want something different. What do you think of a Range Rover?" The next thing I know we were at a dealer so she could check one out. And yup, that's what she's driving - a "Fuji White" with black Range Rover HSE.

Jessie, well, she veers from "I don't really need a car" to, "What do you think of the new Chevy Volt?" She's still looking but I did take her around to a few dealers and guess what she liked? The Camaro, the Mustang and the Mini Countryman. She has green-tinged sensibilities, but when she gets out in the wild and really starts to look at cars, the results are very interesting. 

As I reminded her, the more you know, the more you just never know... even when you "gots" to know.

Adios until the next time.

P.S. As for me, you probably are sayin' right about now, "I just gots to know," Part III. Well, I still have my standard Cayman (six-speed manual) and I have a new ZL1 Camaro on order. So there.

 

A Bud's Life

Part social commentary, part car-culture love letter, part romantic page-turner, and part lusty, dramatic, and at times uproariously comical guy-lit, A Bud’s Life is a wildly entertaining, surprisingly thought-provoking and at times emotionally gut-wrenching read about a decade in the life of a truly singular character, Dr. Bud E. Bryan.

 

"Me? I have been accused of being immature, narcissistic, stupid, a rake, a womanizer, a bad guy, childish. You name it, I've been called it. But you know what? I'm adopting the Popeye Defense because I am what I am. And Jolene fell in love with me for who I am. People have given me reams of shit over my "immaturity" and lecture me that I should just be happy being home and to shut up, but fuck 'em all. They don't know me; they only think they know me. Some of this stuff just falls on my head and I can't control it. But I get called out for it just the same. Other stuff, well, what can I say? I love tequila and fast cars and racing. I love music. I love football. And I love women. Especially fiery women. Always have. Always will too. I love the way they look, the way they move, the way they talk, the way they smell. I love their minds, I love their tantrums, I love the fact that they're different from men and I want it to stay that way. And I love getting lost in them, too, every damn inch of them. It makes the whole damn world go around. I have past entanglements, I admit. And Nadine is a recurring issue. But Jolene knew all of that before she hooked up with me. Hell, she nursed me back to health after Nadine shot me. But I still go home to her and I'm still with her, goddamnit. But am I going to stop loving everything about women or noticing hot women? Not likely. Just as I'm never going to tire of watching Jolene walking around our house only with a towel wrapped around her knowing we're about to get it on. It is what it is, and I'm not about to change. And my contention is that Jolene doesn't really want me to change either, because then I would be a guy she doesn't know and won't want to be with. Oh, and one more thing. I think the whole idea of counseling is crap. This whole country has gone to hell in a handbasket because of the psycho-babble bullshit that's infected every facet of society. No accountability? No one's fault? I say bullshit to that. As for me, I take full responsibility for who I am. And I'm not apologizing for nothin'." - Dr. Bud E. Bryan

Well, it has finally happened! We are pleased to announce the publication of A Bud's Life: One Man's Journey Through Life Unbridled. Dr. Bud's Kindle eBook is available now on Amazon. -WG