By Peter M. DeLorenzo
Detroit. I suppose it had to come to this. With the oversized vehicle frenzy reaching a crescendo in this market right now, the arrival of a new Jeep Wagoneer and Grand Wagoneer – which I assume will be able to proudly link their gigantic side mirrors with other parade-float-sized vehicles of their ilk to steamroll across the highways and byways of America accompanied by The Imperial March from The Empire Strikes Back – is proof positive that we have reached Peak Giant Stupid SUV in this nation.
While the Jeep press material for the Wagoneer and Grand Wagoneer seems to scream “heritage” and “Premium American Icon” every other sentence, these bloated Jeeps have about as much in common with their forebears as, oh, never mind, they have nothing to do with the Jeep brand persona at all. Suggesting that these blunderbuss-class vehicles have anything to do with Jeep “heritage” is a gross insult to Jeep Nation.
Why do they even exist? Jeep operatives are trying to milk the Jeep franchise for all it's worth, and if that means cashing in on the waning salad days of the Monster Truck phase that a large segment of American consumers seem to be bumbling through, then so be it. But please spare me words like “icon” and “premium” because they have nothing to do with these monstrosities.
No, these revenue-generating monster “Jeeps” are all about three-row seating, that elusive canard that manufacturers spend countless hours and hundreds of millions of dollars on so that they can shout from the tallest mountain top that they have it – even though the number of consumers who actually use the feature remains miniscule. In fact, I would argue that more money has been spent on this feature by the U.S. auto industry over the last decade – to less effect – than any other product feature offered.
Here’s a direct quote from the press release: “We are ready to start a new exciting adventure with a model that wrote some of the most iconic pages in the history of the American automobile,” said Christian Meunier, Jeep® Brand Chief Executive Officer. “Wagoneer and Grand Wagoneer are born from the Jeep brand, but they have a flair of their own, building on a rich heritage of craftsmanship and refinement, while offering new levels of sophistication, comfort and legendary 4x4 capability, as well as a new level of customer service.”
To that I say, “Huh?” I got lost somewhere between the “wrote some of the most iconic pages in the history of the American automobile” and “building on a rich heritage of craftsmanship and refinement.” Are we talking about the same history of the American automobile? The one that saw Jeep marketers glue “genuine wood-look” vinyl on the side of Wagoneers and call it good? And, what “craftsmanship” and “refinement” are we talking about, exactly? The buck-board ride, the slapdash levels of assembly quality, or not even a whiff of refinement? That’s rich, all right.
I’m not against auto companies making serious ca$h-money in this town, because that’s the name of the game. But we’re talking about a company that just dropped $12 million large (or thereabouts) on a two-minute Jeep movie/commercial on the Super Bowl featuring Bruce Springsteen and his own, personal, beat-up Jeep Wrangler. You remember, right? The one called “The Middle”? I somehow don’t think that the spot, which talked about “making it to the mountaintop” and “our light has always found its way through the darkness” and “there’s hope on the road ahead” has anything remotely to do with the brand premise of a $100,000+ Jeep Grand Wagoneer. Nope, not one bit.
Instead, what it says about the Jeep operatives out in Auburn Hills is that they’re adhering to the founding principles of their dearly departed leader, the Chief Carpetbagging Mercenary who didn’t hesitate to suggest that the American car buyers were dupes who will buy anything if wrapped in a good enough box.
I believe they have made a gross miscalculation, however. Yes, sure, they will make money off of the first-on-the-block types – you know, the American auto buying public with a predilection for gigantic in everything they consume and who just have to have the latest and biggest, but when that temporary euphoria wears off, then what?
And by the way, where is Stellantis when it comes to BEVs? Anyone? Bueller? It has to be said that one electrified Wrangler doesn’t constitute serious BEV momentum, in case you were keeping score. This company is nowhere when it comes to BEVs, and it is going to be a real serious problem by 2025.
I will say one thing about the ladies and gentlemen out in Auburn Hills who work on the Dodge brand, and that is when it comes to the Muscle brand persona of their Dodge cars, at least they’re authentic to their very core. They wave their Freak Flag high, and make no apologies for who they are and what they stand for. Even though we’re in the waning days of the ICE era, I commend that. Knowing who you are is half the battle in this business.
For Jeep operatives, however, it’s just the opposite. The new Wagoneer and Grand Wagoneer are blatant, cynical ploys masquerading as the latest and greatest Jeep, when they have nothing to do with the Jeep brand persona, at all. The “authenticity” is completely missing in action. These two giant SUVs are, in fact, new low points in Jeep brand history.
They’re simply a Jeep too far.
And that’s the High-Electron Truth for this week.
The 2022 Jeep Grand Wagoneer.